How do you go about making more friends?

animal friends - polar bear friends
Australia
March 12, 2007 3:27pm CST
I've recently moved to a new place, and I'd like to make new friends without wierding them out in the "hit on them" sense. I'm finding it difficult break into the circle of friends that people have had since grad school when they're not really looking to meet new people. Most people my age (late 20's) have their own network of friends, have a family, have a busy schedule, etc. and just don't seem to have too much time for making new friends. Why can't it be as easy as it was when we were 4 or 5 years old, and we could just go up to someone and say "let's be friends" without sounding daft? Any insight, thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated!
2 people like this
27 responses
@KaMlBob (786)
• United States
13 Mar 07
I have moved 3 times to a new city in the past 24 years of my life. I have found that my place of work, my neighbors and my kids’ schools are where I most often met people that became my friends. I think if you are single and alone it must be harder. If you have children, it is most definitely easier. Going to a local bar isn’t the best place to find friends, there is no telling who you could hook up with. Whatever hobbies you enjoy can provide an opportunity to meet people, there you find people with the same interests as you. Say, for example if you ski or if you like to bowl or golf, ride Mt. Bikes or jog. Good Luck! On myLots you have friends! Not very tangible, but we are here!
2 people like this
• United States
21 Mar 07
your not only pretty, you are smart II have been reading your answers, your nice to. I liked the other picture better though
@greengal (4288)
• United States
12 Mar 07
That is so true, as we grow older, we find it more and more difficult to make new friends. I moved to the US a year ago and I had to make new friends here in my apartment block. It's always good to know neighbours, you never know when you will need their help or they ours. I do have a bit of 'starting' trouble too and take my time to observe people before making friends. There is a nice girl who stays right opp to my apartment and it was almost 3-4 months before we came face to face and actually spoke to each other. I had seen her a lot of times but hadn't spoken to her at all. I broke the ice by saying "hi" and that's when our friendship began. Through her I got to know many more people from my own country and now we are around 8 of us who meet often at each other's apartments. I'm glad I've made friends and I no longer feel lonely or anything. It is in the first step, once its taken then no looking back:)
2 people like this
• Australia
13 Mar 07
lol. In my last apartment, the guy who lived opposite me didn't speak to me for 3 years. It was only about six months ago that we actually had a little chat. And after that, it was pretty good, having a chat wiht him occasionally. Too bad I moved a couple of months ago! My current neighbours are a little aloof, but we've said Hi a few times. I'll definitely try harder at meeting them properly!
@maxxine (612)
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
i find it easy to make new friends..coz i meet new people almost every day.. i play in a band thats why im such an outgoing person..so its easy for me to give others a smile and make new friends.. just a smile can brighten up someone's day and im sure you'll get to have lots of friends..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
saying "hi" or starting a small talk with someone always works for me. do you think organizing a party yourself is a nice idea? if so then you might want to give it a shot. you may set up a small house party or something just to get to know your neighbors. i know it's not that easy so i guess it's always best to ask around first about certain clubs or organizations in your neighborhood (like one poster here mentioned) and start from there. you may also get to establish friendships by hanging out in some hot spots where these people you want to get to know better usually hang out (e.g. parks, cafes, gym, salon, spa, swimming pool).
@ElicBxn (60674)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I'd look around town to see if there are any clubs or organizations of stuff I like to do. I'd attend a few meetings, see if I can meet people that way. There's a bead society who' meeting I went to with a friend & discovered - my next door neighbor!!! There's a poly-clay guild - haven't been there yet. I'm also a science fiction fan & would probably go looking for any local clubs. I know about 2 just in Austin where I live & while I don't have a paying membership in either, I know about them & get the online news letter for one. I have known members of the other one and, frankly find them too snobbish for my taste - after all, I watch TV **gasp!!**
1 person likes this
• Australia
13 Mar 07
Yes, I'll certainly do that! I have my hands full at the moment with a few different projects going on, but hopefully I'll get some of those sorted out soon, and try find some clubs I can get involved in! Beading society sounds like fun! I'll have to look and see what I can find locally in the crafty department! lol. That does sound snobbish!
@raheel07 (485)
• Pakistan
12 Mar 07
It is always hard for me to make friends. I mean I just connect instantly or don't. But then most of friendship doesn't last forever and this thing upsets me very much. Basically I don't want to hang out to places everyday and that might be problem?
1 person likes this
• Australia
13 Mar 07
Most friendships need work for them to last. You're right. A lot of friendships don't last forever, for a variety of different reasons. However, some friendships last a lifetime. I guess if boundaries are set, and both are comfortable with them, I can't see how it can be a problem.
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
13 Mar 07
I have noticed that in different areas people react differently to new people and new friends. For me, I usually just sorta ave the attitude that if you want to be my friend great and if not, im fine hangin alone....for some reason if people think you need them they tend to pull back. But if you have a job you could just make sure you are nice to your co-workers and after you get comfortable with them in the work environment ( dont rush it) invite them out for a drink....just talk to them while your working and stuff. Some of the best friendships Ive had have developed this way. Sometimes it takes a while in a new town...people will see you around and get used to seeing you before they are comfortable with your friendhsip...and remember friendship is a 50/50 deal so let others make effort with you also and dont feel like its all your responsibility.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
Find out if there are any social groups or clubs in your area, and join one or two that spark your interest. Introduce yourself to your neighbors. If you have any children ask to meet their friends parents. Just a few ideas, I hope they help.
@yankiee (117)
• India
13 Mar 07
i have never had problems making friends and beleive if u do wat i do u will never have any problem either just be cheeerful and happy always with an actual smile on ur face and u will never be short of gooood friends in ur life :)
1 person likes this
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Do you have a park near your house that you go to? (do you have a pet that you could take to the park, or kids?) Cause I wouldn't suggest hanging out at the park by yourself...lol. But also, there's this site called Meetup.com. And you can find people just like you that just wanna hang out and meet new people. I am a member of a Mom's Group and we have weekly playdates at the park and several other get-togethers throughout the month...it's really a great way to meet other people and get out of the house. Good luck! I know exactly where you are...and you can get out of it!
1 person likes this
@honeyangel (1992)
13 Mar 07
what about holding a party for you neibours,it will give you the chance to meet them and them meet you
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Mar 07
Well, basically I do agree with you. When we are getting older it is very hard to find such trustworthy and sweet friends. Once, my sister said, "it becomes harder for you to find the true friend when you work. Every person seems to be fighting and back stabbing each other in order to get the best achievement for their career".I felt so add with that but when I was in trainee session I could see the truth of it. Now on, it becomes harder since many of them just wish to take granted on the name of relationship. Well, I do stick with all my best friends that really close to me ever since I was in school and university. I do hope this scenario will get change because we can not live alone in this world.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Mar 07
Since sites like orkut,gazzag and various other sites ahve come into limelight,people interact with each other even though they haven't seen each other but sort of trust builds up between the two.But friendhsip is a long process and needs to be given time to be built up.I never try to force friendship that doesn't mean i am reserved but i give time,wait for that moment where you can start knowing each other personally.Overdoing it brings out the wrong character of you.The most important thing in building a friendship is giving the other person the chance.We shouldn't keep forming opinions about him simply through some actions or talks.The inner true comes out of a person when he is in some sort of trouble.Maybe i am dragging the topic into a different corner.The verdict is i make friends anywhere,anytime but those people don't become avtual friends until and unless i know them.
• Australia
13 Mar 07
Its a sad but a true thing about finding friends who are like minded.Someone suggested to join a club wether a sport,craft,it doesnt really matter because it gives you a good excuse to make conversation with others and slowly build friendships.Another way is to do a course of some kind that you're interested in.I've started one this year and I've gotten to know some really nice people who are normal but otherwise wouldn't know them if I hadn't.Good luck !
• Gabon
13 Mar 07
Because of my work, I constantly moving to a new place. I agree with you, now that we're older, it's a bit difficult to make new friends. I often remember, when I was much younger (childhood) and my parents move a lot, I find it much easier to make new friends. The way I usually handle it is by finding a clubs or a group of activities that you often did or enjoyed previously (before moving), like going on an off-road trip, or joining a karate or aikido class. I found that helps a lot in making new friends in a new places. Hopes that help.
1 person likes this
13 Mar 07
I've never been the type to try to force new friendships. I'm typically very selective about the people I choose to surround myself with, so I wouldn't just walk up to someone I barely know and try to strike up a friendship. The only advice I can give you is to try joining groups, taking classes or frequenting places where you might meet someone who shares common interests. You have a much better place to start from if you know off the bat that you will have something in common. Also, many of the people you will stumble upon are most likely there to meet friends as well. I know what you mean about trying to avoid appearing desperate or giving people the impression that you're hitting on them. I find that if you put it out there right away and make a joke about it, it can actually break the ice a bit. I know it's hard when so many people out there don't seem to have time for any new friends or have a big "F#!* You" stamped on their forehead, but just be patient. You sound like a nice person who geniuinely wants to form some meaningful relationships, so I'm sure you will spark up some friendships if you just keep at it.
• India
13 Mar 07
ok when we go to a new place then we should relax & drink some water then the work should be started as mind should be relaxed then communicate with the coleuge's beside you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
I think you just have to have a smiling face. If somebody smile back and said hi or hello to you grab the opportunity to introduce yourself and make friends to him or her. Start with one and let that one person introduce you to the others. Soon you'll know everybody from the place and you'll never feel an outcast.
@Takuyar (114)
• Saudi Arabia
13 Mar 07
Just...try to talk to them. Go to parties held by friends and talking to some stranger just by introducing yourself and talking about a common topic.
1 person likes this
@samrat16 (2442)
• India
13 Mar 07
I am in finance buisness and as it is family buisness it's me only who has to go to different places in every month or so . What I do is search a pool or snooker parlour and start playing there and yes, it's hobbies which makes u find friends at every place u go.
1 person likes this
@bezzamae (447)
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
ive encountered the same situation with you. i used to have some sort of clique in my previous course, and not i decided to shift to another one. everyone has their own circle of friends and its hard to join the group. you would just end up being out of place.. but mind u, there are those who cares to be friends with you.. there are groups who can welcome u.. i think its part of growing up which is very hard to understand.. :)
1 person likes this