How do you deal when you and your husband have such huge parenting differences?

United States
March 16, 2007 6:02pm CST
Oh HELP! What do you wives do out there when your hubby is just so different then you???? I do all that I can to keep the peace but he is just so much harder on the kids then I am. He works non-stop so I am with them 95% of the time. They are used to me. He comes in and it all goes up in the fan. He is tired and has no patience. I feel like I am living in the 50's!!!!
1 person likes this
4 responses
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
18 Mar 07
Have you tried talking to him about this. Maybe you two could come to some sort of comprimise.
• United States
19 Mar 07
We have on a number occasions talked. We seem to come to an agreement that last for a bit of time then whammo it is like there was never such a conversation! Ahh the joys! It is super tough at time yes, but I would not trade it in.... He is a great man - just short on patience!!!
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
17 Mar 07
You should talk to him about it. When neither one of you is angry, sit down after the kids are asleep and hash out what you want to do. Set up discipline before hand, like what kind of things will you discipline? What will be the punishment? Have these things set up beforehand, that way when a situation arises, you already have a plan of action to deal with it. Make sure you are consitent with discipline. When your child does something unforeseen, punish it according to how you feel you should, then later discuss it with your spouse. Probably what is happening, is that he doesn't know how to discipline them, and is just being really hard on everything, figuring it is the best way. maybe your being too lenient? It's probably a little bit of both. One thing, you must be in agreement on what you will do, if you are not, your children will sense this and challenge you. Also, never "correct" your husband in front of the kids, and don't allow him to do that to you either, they will lose respect for you and your hubby if you do, and challenge your authority. It's hard finding balance when you are a parent, but if you keep the lines of communication open between you and your spouse, things will be much easier to handle. Good luck!
• United States
17 Mar 07
Thank you for your response. You are quite right on many points. I am a softie - i know this.... We never have really set these important guidelines. I know that we have made half-hearted attempts but never hard-core. Both he and I are guilty on the "correcting" one another. We are both very hard-headed.... I have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut when I feel that he is not going about things in the most productive manner..... i think that I will start another discussion on what I was just going to type here!..... But you are super right on all points!
@Bev1986 (1427)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Wow! Are you describing my house??? Hubby and I definitely have different parenting styles. I have a lot more patience than he does. And I don't know why, but when he yells at them, I feel like he's yelling at me! Almost like it's my fault that I can't keep the kids under control... I know that's weird and wrong, but it's how I feel.
• United States
17 Mar 07
I am with you on that one! The kids were fighting over a new toy tonight and he lost it. After he sent them to their rooms he told me in a parental way that I was not to buy them another toy......yes sir!
• United States
16 Mar 07
Wow, my parents were like this (except I hated my mother/my dad was the nice one) and they ended up divorcing because my mom would spank us very hard for such simple things. Like spilling something on the floor on accident..that I would clean. Anyway, I guess you could have a family day on a weekend and play board games or something. Make sure to tell your husband that it is for FUN and that he should not be hard on them.
• United States
17 Mar 07
Thanks for the post! It is so hard - The kids are just 3 and 5 and so do not understand. I am just so used to the kids and their ways that I have a huge capacity of patience. Now that was for sure a learning process in of itself.