what will you do if you found out you can't have a child??

@djmarion (4901)
Philippines
March 17, 2007 1:37am CST
what if you found out you can't have a child? how would you tell it to your husband who is expecting you to get pregnant anytime soon..what if your husband decide to leave you because of that what would you do?
3 people like this
7 responses
• United States
18 Mar 07
I would and did tell him. We've had 6 miscarriages and no answers from the number of doctors we've both been to as to why this keeps occurring. I flat out told him if he wanted to leave that I would understand ('cause he had said he didn't want to adopt). But he said he married me because he loves me and that we would just adopt if I couldn't have any. He's wonderful. If he truly loves you - you'll find away.
1 person likes this
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
im sorry for bot of you, i know its hard on your part, just keep on trying and never loose your faith, anyway as long as your husband stay with you, i think its less burdening.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Mar 07
Anakata2007 - I'm so very sorry. I can compeletly understand your fear for I am the same way. Do they know why this keeps happening to you? If you would like to talk send me a private message :) Thank you djmarion. It is much easier with a hubby like ours.
• Malta
17 Mar 07
I have been trying to have a child for 9 years. I never had one till this day. We don't have any health problems and when tested separately we were both found fit for having children. After 9 years I still don't find words to say to my husband. He has his own ache in his heart for this problem and I have mine. Leaving me because of this never crossed his mind. I asked him and he responded simply that he will leave me only if he finds out he does not love me anymore! not because we don't have children.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Mar 07
I'm sorry for the loss of your children. I'v heard that infertility is like losing all the children that you dreamed you would have and hurts so much. Most people grow up assuming they will have kids and will have no problems. We name the kids we're going to have and imagine what they will look like. Youre not alone. My husband and I are involuntarily childless as well.
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
hi toyboxer, thanks for your response though i feel sorry that you haven't had a child for nine years, why don't you try to ask for a second opinion maybe other doctor can give you good advice...anyway you are lucky to have a good husband like him who stay with you afterall those years of not having a child. have a nice day.
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
i will be honest with my husband and tell him my condition, and just suggest to adapt a baby if he really wants to have a child. if because of that he will leave my then its his choice and i cant do anything about that.
1 person likes this
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
i agree with you, besides if a man choose to leave you because of that, i means he doesn't love you enough.
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
I'm very sorry if this is happennign to you. Infertility is a very terrible thing to go through. For me, it makes me feel like I'm not a real woman. I am worried that my husband will leave me and I have low self esteem. My problem isn't that I can't get pregnant but my body doesn't seem to be able to hold onto pregnancies. I have been pregnant 4 times in the last 2 years and it hurts so much. My hormones are all screwed up and I am not chemically depressed. I'm worried my husband will leave, but he doesn't seem like he wants to leave me. Also my doctor and my mother and most of my friends say that if he left me because I coudlnt' have children than he would be a terrible man, because you don't marry someone only to have children, but because you love them. You marry them "for better or for worse" and this is certainly worse.
• Canada
19 Mar 07
I forgot to add that I ahve decided not to adopt. I looked into it and both my husband and I went to seminars and signed up for adoption but were told it was a 7 year wait for a healthy infant and no guarantees and that the birth mother might change her mind and take her child back within 21 days of the birth. This happens in 25% of cases. I feel I have already been through a rollercoaster of emotions due to losing 4 babies already, I need to get off the rollercaoster. I just want to explore life without children for now, although in a few years we may decide to get on the rollercoaster again.
• United States
22 Mar 07
What's wrong with adopting a child? Why does it have to be an infant? That seems pretty selfish that you refuse to adopt simply because you will *only* accept a newborn. There are tens of thousands of children in the system with no home or family.
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
im sorry anakata, but i admire you for your attitude, you seem to be tough and in this kind of world were living only tough people survive.
• United States
21 Mar 07
This is one of the hardest things you will ever have to face in life. It really IS like having your baby die, I know. Just sit your husband down & say, "I have something very hard to tell you. I went to the doctor's yesterday (or whenever), and he said . . . " Remember that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. It simply is your condition. If he leaves you without trying to find a solution, then he doesn't really love you, he just wants a breeder. You are not a cow! Allow yourself to grieve for your lost babies, too. This is such a hard place to be, I really feel for you! Keep your chin up and know that you are not alone!
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
thanks for the response and you're right, its not women's fault that she can't bear a child.
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
20 Mar 07
This would be a very difficult situation, since I love kids so much. I would definitely cry for sometime. But I would definitely adjust myself. If my husband wants to leave me on this, let him go. I dont think he love me for what I am. I am capable of looking after myself. I will definitly adopt a small one from an orphanage. There are millions of kids, even on the streets, who dont have anybody to take care of them. So why dont i help at least one of them.
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
i agree with you tough lady, thanks for the response.
• Philippines
20 Mar 07
That is heartbreaking, not be able to bear a child and it is also marriage breakage because in order to be a woman, one must bear a child and it is the perfection of a union between husband and wife. It maybe really painful to know about it, but its more painful to tell the husband then the husband will leave because of it. Maybe ill tell him if he cant bear with me not be able to have a child, he can leave. Then ill just mend on my broken heart. Then ill have to adopt someone to be my baby, a baby that ill treasure as my own to take care of me (hopefully) when ill grow old. It is so painful to accept it (not be able to bear a child) but i have to.
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
yes, accepting is just hard at the beginning, but you'll get use to it later on.