Abort or Adopt

I believe this is a private matter between a woman and her doctor. It 's how she feels and what she want. If abortion is safe according to her doctor than go ahead. I would go for abortion if there is no method of birth control avalable and I did warn my spouse about it before. Why not abortion?

Wow! Excellent question. I wouldn't want to abort the baby because regaurdless of the fact that I am pro-choice politically, my choice is not to have an abortion. I guess I would have to choose adoption, or having the baby and leaving the creep!

why would you want to do either of those things. isn't marriage also about having children. if it is that big of a concern and the husband won't use protection then maybe the women should get her tubes tied so she doesn't have to worry about it anymore.

I would never ever ever abort a baby!!!! It is not fair to give the baby up and not tell him either. He has rights as a father, if not legally, morally. I think you should tell him you are pregnant and if he doesnt want it or you dont want it put it up for adoption. You can choose the family yourself if you want, you have 9 months.

Firstly, I don't think that this is a very healthy relationship if a person can't talk to their spouse about a decision involving a child. If I were in this predicament I would probably choose to give the child up for adoption. I don't know how you could hide this from a spouse or anyone for that matter but I don't think telling them you lost the baby is a good idea. Later on in life if that child decides to contact you that may cause more problems for you in the future.

I'd never be with a man who saw me as a 2 legged baby factory. I make it very clear up front and on the first date that there will be NO children coming out of my body nor will we adopt. I don't want kids nor do I like them and I know I can't stand being with them 24/7/365. I'd go insane and pull my hair out. If he didn't want to use birth control, I'd get myself sterilized that way he could "poke" me whenever he wanted and I'd never carry a pregnancy to term.

First I think it is wrong not to give the father any options. Second I dont want to judge anyones decision I believe that will happen in time. I think that many are wanting to adopt and that a healthy baby is a godsend to many parents who cant have them. I dont agree that a man was totally responsible for this situation either. One more thing is single/Spouse? If it is in a marriage then to do without telling the father would be terribly wrong.

First off, we live in a day and age where the woman is equally responsible for birth control, and "men" are no longer the sole person responsible to protect against unwanted pregnancies and STDS. There are birth control methods a woman could use and her boyfriend or spouse would never have to know. However, if a woman is in that type of relationship where her husband or boyfriend is supposed to really love her and respect her, then this wouldn't be an issue now would it? If this is a true situation that is occurring, I'd suggest packing your bags and getting far away from this man who is trying to control you in this way. If a woman does not feel she can go through with carrying an unwanted conception to term, she can always choose an abortion, and no she doesn't have to tell the man, especially in this case scenario where the spouse seem to be very controlling and possibly abusive. As for carrying an unwanted conception to full term and then giving it up for adoption, THERE IS NO COURT that will allow the adoption to proceed without notifying the biological father so they can either consent to giving up parental rights or contest. That is even so for cases where the bio father was just a fling or unknown. The bio mother still has to do everything she can to locate and give notice of proceedings so the bio father has a chance to contest. Again, I think it would be pretty hard to pull off an adoption behind the back of a spouse--unless it went through an illegal adoption. No spouse has the right to place a demand on their wife that forbids her from using birth control, and if this is something that is happening---there is a bigger problem with the relationship then an unwanted conception.

Well, in this case, I will keep the baby and get rid of the man. Men who can't seem to stand up to the responsibility of rearing children are not worth my time so they can take a hike. I would not really dream of putting my own child up for adoption. No way!

if i were you i will not abort

I'm not sure I really understand your question. I'm in a relationship that is stable & healthy; if I experienced an unplanned pregnancy I would choose to make my partner aware & we would decide together what to do. Again, I'd choose to do it this way; I don't feel women must do it this way. If I chose to terminate, I'd need his help with transportation to the clinic & with caring for our other children- so for me it'd be better to clue him in. If I wanted to continue the pregnancy, I'd also expect his help & assistance, so again it would make more sense to tell him. At this stage in my life, I can't imagine a situation where I'd choose to place a child up for adoption. If I were younger, I suppose I could imagine having a surrogacy pregnancy for a friend or family member- if I were in a relationship my partner's feelings & opinions would be included in that decision. Legally speaking, in the US a woman must notify the bio-father if she's placing a child for adoption unless she can prove there is a valid reason not to (she was raped or the father has a history of domestic violence). If a woman lies about the father of her child & he later finds out, he can contest it. There have been a couple of sensationalized cases here where that's happened. They have given the child, who was well adjusted & living with it's adoptive parents for years to the bio-father.

I am confused . . . your posting mentions being a single mom but then also refers to a spouse. Could you clarify please? Thanks, Ellen

Abort only if you really want to abort. However, kick your spouse in the groin and tell him to be a man. What kind of pathetic idiot insists on using no birth control and then makes it YOUR dilemma when you become pregnant? If you want the baby, have the baby, and if he leaves, take him for everything he's worth. He doesn't sound like a good person to begin with.

Wow, this is a tough topic as always. Well, first off before I begin, know that I am now a single mother of 6 living and 1 deceased (miscarriage). I had my first child at 18, told the father to go. And just like then, I still don't give a dam what others say. Child number two is from my first marriage. She was born when my oldest was 3. Trying to get out of that sexually abusive marriage (he use to rape me in my sleep) I went astray, hoping that he would give me a divorce. He didn't give me a divorce, not even when I purposely got pregnant, 2 years after my second child. My husband took responsibility for the child and threatened her natural father that if he came near us, he would kill him. So, now at age 23 I was married to an abusive man with 3 daughters by 3 differnt men, and yet still, didn't give a rats tail what people thought of me. Two years later, finally divorced and dating again, and on depo-provera I became pregnant with girl number 4. Pregnant by a man who didn't really see having his own child in his future. He had no problem with my children and helping me care for them, he just didn't want his own. He didn't want his own, for fear that he'd be a parent and spouse like his father...abusive. But more importantly he probably didn't want to my child because his father is prejudice. So, he gave me money to have an abortion. Well, I told him, if I believed in it, I'd do it, but I don't. And if there was any child I would have not kept it would have been the first. How could he expect me to have delivered 3 healthy children and then kill the fourth? Well, I kept the money to buy baby stuff, and later he came around. We broke up when she was 2, but only because we found that work-a-holics shouldn't date eachother. And to this day, he still helps me if I'm in a bind, with my other children. Let's see, then I met husband number 2. He treated and still treats my children like his own. We had a little boy and later was gonna have a girl (miscarriage). That was very traumatic, especially after having 5 healthy pregnancies. Now, after that marriage, this is when things really get crazy. I got engaged to current fiance. Things were going crazy. I thought he left me, but turns out he just needed some space for a few weeks. Well, in that time, being so upset I hooked up with someone at work. Then fiance (which I thought was my ex) came to talk to me and explain he didn't leave me. So, I had to tell this man I love and want to marry (who is fixed) that I'm pregnant with someone elses child (yes, I'm very fertile). He was furious, but understood I thought we were broken up. He suggested an abortion, and all I could think, was here I go again. But apparently, I should've been a lawyer, because I was able to persuade that thought out of his mind. We made amends, and he stuck by my side through the entire pregnancy (of course not without having a few drama moments). And he was there in the delivery room. And he stated that he didn't want to take her father's place, her father should be involved. So, since we know that one day we will marry and he will be her step-father, I asked if he'd take the honor of being her God-father, he accepted and apologized for ever suggesting that I abort or give up the baby. Anyway, that is my story. And I will forever be grateful for every experience that blessed me with each child. And I don't care what people say about all my children having different fathers.