one more bar joke
March 20, 2007 8:10pm CST
A Duck Walks Into A Bar... A Duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "Hey, you're a duck!""Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck."Yeah, but I mean - you can TALK," says the barman."Guess your ears are fine too," answers the duck. "Now, can have a beer please?"The barman serves the duck a pint and asks him, "So, what brings a duck like you to these parts?""Oh," says the duck, "I work on the building site across the road. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll most likely be in every lunch hour for a pint." The duck slurped down his beer, wiggling his tail happily. The next day, just as he said, the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunch time lager. The next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round. The Circus owner wanders in for a pint and the barman tells him about the talking duck."You should get this duck to join your circus," he says. "For a little consideration, I could hook you up with this duck and you could make lots of bucks. Everyone would love to see a talking duck don't you think?"The circus man nods excitedly while sipping his beer, the barman agrees to talk to the duck about the circus. The following day, the duck comes in at lunch time as he had been for those many days. The barman says to the duck (with dollar signs in his eyes), "You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner about you. He's very interested in you.""Really?" says the duck."Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily.""Hang on," said the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?""That's right.""That's one of those big tent things, isn't it? With a big pole in the middle?""Yeah!""That's canvas, isn't it?" said the duck."Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen on the idea."The duck, scratching his head and looking very puzzled replied:"But why would he want to hire a plasterer?"
21 Mar 07
MAGICIAN AND THE PARROT There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like: "IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!"or "IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!"or "IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!" The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds. Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye. The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?