Imagination of a lonely boy...building blocks towards a great future
March 22, 2007 1:49pm CST
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to get all the breaks and other people-well intentioned, good hearted, and hard-working people, don't? I have. I've wondered this for so long, that I can't even begin to recall when it was that I wasn't interested in this phenomenon. All my life, I have struggled to make sense of the world. I started out, as a kid thinking that I would be a SuperHero. That would be my job description. No fireman or police officer for me. I wouldn't settle for anything less than the SuperHero-like image. I identified with the Incredible Hulk, having lived a rough-and-tumble life, going from home to home. I was always angry at life and those around me who I figured, had it easy. You could see me sometimes in the mirror, gritting my teeth, making my face red and the veins and cords of my neck sticking out, while I growled menacingly at my reflection. I'd picture thrashing my enemies and tossing refridgerators through walls; all the while keeping a look out for Becky McFly, my sweetheart. I was sure that if she saw me in this light, she couldn't help but fall for me. I made the mistake of letting her know her affect on me. The next day, I got a surprise. She approached me and made it clear that she was in no way interested. Seeing her hang all over some other guy, who she had shown no interest in, earlier, stung, even more than I would have guessed. I couldn't live down the humiliation of being turned down in such a rude, and hurtful way. It wasn't that she was really mean about it, but her manner was so off-hand, non-chalant, that I had the impression of her not even having been aware of my existence before my big moment. OUR big moment. Fantasies fall hard in the face of reality, oftentimes, and this gap-toothed, awkwardly mobile, nerd was no exception. Next, came spiderman. I used to climb the white painted cinderblock walls during lunch. I would press my back against one wall and put both my feet on the other one, using pressure to keep me from slipping. Doing this, I would inch all the way up to the top, where I could place my hands up against the tile, drop ceiling. I would watch other kids go to use the bathroom. They would all trundle in, unawares that the great SpideyJr. was only a few feet above them, powerless to touch him, even if they had known he was there! I'd imagine myself swinging from a web and scaling walls, doing flips and sommersaults through the air. - Catching bad guys and having no one figure out who I was. I would have a girlfriend, just like Spidey did, and she, alone, would know of my secret. Her love and friendship would keep me company for the rest of our lives. As school went on, new girls would fill this role in my mind. I was too young to realize that my unique loner status would compell me to take a road less traveled, resulting in a kind of inner strength that would show itself to tower over any obstacles presented later in life. As I became older, new mentors and role models arrived to guide me. One of these was the Kansas Farm Boy- turned American Icon. Superman aka Clark Kent embodied all the qualities of character and power I so desired. At first, I only wanted the power, but as I came to become intimately connected and aware of his own journey to become a Man, I saw in myself the seeds of greatness only needing the sort of nurture that he had. I perceived great parallels between us. I wore glasses. HE wore glasses. I had blue eyes. HE had blue eyes. I liked blue and red. HE had picked blue and red as his favorite colours for his costume. What more was there? Any one could see that I was destined to follow in his footsteps. Well, maybe I didn't follow, but I sure did, FALL, a lot. I tried to fly again and again. Sure that I just wasn't doing something right. There had to be a trick to it, and I just had to figure it out. You could hear me clomping up the stairs, and then a loud crash as I came leaping from six stairs up, to the landing. I would run around with my superman t-shirt, red towel-held together by a wooden clothes pin and tucked neatly into the front collar of my shirt. With shrieks of, "Super....MAN! Don da da don don...da da don don...Dooooon! I'm Superman!", I could be heard careening through the house and pitter pattering out to the deck. I'd climb up and stand on the ledge, which stood high above our backyard, all the wall surveying the dozens of rabbits munching on dandylion leaves. Natural lawn-mowers the whole lot of em'. I knew, in my heart that I would one day, be able to control my world. That was important. Control. Not having it, made me want it all the more, and more than other kids, I suspect.
• United States
22 Mar 07
Wow anewoldsoul, you have quite an imagination (Actually, since we all have experienced the Super Hero phenomena, not really.) I first thought your story sounded a little mocking, because of the common Super Hero punchline. It sounds like you are making fun. He-he. In any case, it also sounds like you are having a conversation with yourself (which we all do on mylot). It also reminds me of simpler times when my two younger brothers, my cousin, and myself would dress up in our Underoos and put on a show for our parents. I was SuperWoman. Today I mainly stay in my geeky glasses and grandma sweater. Do you have a sequel? I'd like to hear it?
• United States
22 Mar 07
Surprise, surprise, towongfoo, this is all true! I wasn't mocking superman at all. Not a bit. What I was trying to convey was the simple mind that I had back then. It was easy for me to draw comparisons between myself and my Heroes, and not look at the obvious differences. A sequel? Well, I was thinking about continuing on. I mean, I had a purpose to writing that, though it spawned a life of its own during the course of my ramblings. I wanted to draw the conclusion that what I went through could not have helped but transform me into what I am today. From there, I was going to address the power of imagination and visualization coupled with faith and purpose.
• United States
22 Mar 07
LOL - superheros! I think everyone at some time in their life has had someone bigger than life that they looked up to, some may not take it to the extent that you did but I think it's part of growing up. One of the reasons I think kids today are having such difficult times - who do they 'look up to'? Another topic there! I remember when I was 8 years old I had a fond desire to fly. We lived in LA at the time and I had the fortunate luck of finding an old set of curtians in the garage one day. I was convinced they would make perfect "wings". I spent several hours in the garage attaching the curtains to each arm. Occasionally sticking my head in the kitchen to let my Mom know I was fine. Once I accomplished what I thought was the ideal set of wings I proceeded to the back yard and always being a good tree climber, I manuvered myself to a good branch in an orange tree. Just as I was about to launch my Mom spotted me from the kitchen window. In a panic she yelled out "Faith stop!" Too late - I jumped from the tree prepared to float to the ground. Needless to say that did not happen. I went straight down landing at the base of the tree with the curtains in a heap on top of me. I failed to realize that although I took great pains attaching the curtains to my arms I may have had more success had I also attached them to my legs so there was something to catch the air as I dropped. I gave up the idea of flying (Mom confinscated the curtains) and I moved on to I was going to be a famous rodeo rider. A clothsline also found in the garage and my bicycle worked great for that goal until I learned lassoing a non-movable object (a fence) does not work when moving down the sidewalk at a fast speed on a bicycle - bike kept moving fence and myself didn't.. I think I have much more trouble with the "control" thing now than I did as a child - I had no control then. Now I have next to none but accept what I can when I can. Taking pleasure in the fact that I do have control over whether I respond to discussions on myLot :)
• United States
22 Mar 07
That last sentence was cute, Faith. I love your description of the rodeo thing. No doubt you have many other stories to tell. I look forward to hearing about them. When I was growing up, out in Chesterfield VA, we lived in a ranch style house. One floor, if you didn't count the basement. I was always getting into trouble, and I had somehow got it into my head that I wanted to be a cat-like ninja with AWESOME reflexes. I started out jumping from our side, concrete patio, over the fence and into the yard. The fence came up to my chest, but I was undaunted. You had to be brave if you were going to be a cloak and dagger ninja. I had some training to do. I prided myself on my ability to walk the narrow, chainlinkfence for a few feet before wobbling like crazy and eventually jumping to one side or the other. The rabbits would look out from their safe haven while chewing on freshly tossed-out carrots, probably thinking of what an idiot this two legged creature looked like. I can still recall the day that things didn't go quite as planned. I was experimenting on which foot I would lead off of when I made the final jump over the fence. I decide why not try the left foot. Being logical, I reasoned that if I jumped over some bushes first, I could gauge how many steps it would take, and thus, how far back I would have to be to get a good, running start. I hadn't calculated on the fact that my shoe was untied. Grinning to myself, ear to ear, and hearing the imaginary applause, loud and clear, I prepared to make myself famous. I took a few test runs, just to make sure that the fence would be about two feet away when I was ready to take off. I backed up to the bushes lined with square logs that had charred holes started from a magnifying glass, and took off running. Leaping with all my might, my toe just barely cleared the flimsy, diamond-shaped link of galvanized metal. Praising myself in mid-air, I felt a sudden tug and my mind froze, paralyzed with an icy fear. It was unclear what had happened, but VERY clear as to what was about to happen. Instead of flying gracefully through the air, my lace looped around the outcropping of the fence and wrenched at my foot. I immediately kicked backwards at what I thought was grabbing me, and hooked my sneakered toe on the other side of the fence. Events whipped by in quick succession: I stopped moving forward and up and started spiraling in an arc, downwards and back towards the fence that had snagged my foot. The ground came up in blinding speed and crashed into my body with a sickening thump and I felt a tearing all along the my calf. I had hit the turf hard, knocking the wind out of me and smashing my left shoulder, into the sod. I was hanging upside down, disgraced and smeared with dirt. I was in a lot of pain, yet I knew that I would do it again!