Are you a people pleaser?

@yanstill (1491)
China
March 23, 2007 5:45am CST
are you reluctant to say no to others? saying no seems to be a negative thing,if i say no ,maybe i will have my friendship over or lose a job, but ,if i say yes, i will have no time to do things that i want to do.what to do now?
3 people like this
11 responses
@bluewings (3857)
23 Mar 07
Saying no is an art everyone should try learning.I once read a novel which had nothing to do with this ,but the most important lesson I learnt from it was saying no without having to use the word.That doesn't mean not just using the word literally,but it's referring to respect the person's opinion and feelings while making your point of view known.When we say no ,it's not the person we are against ,but only differing with a certain point.Life will be so boring if everyone agrees to each other.It will be a predictable world with only right or only wrong.We shall stop evolving.So, difference of opinion is necessary for growth and evolution,but it should be presented in a way that it doesn't belittle the proponent.
4 people like this
@yanstill (1491)
• China
23 Mar 07
your response is always excellent! i am jealous about that,i hope my english can as well as you,haha,thank you.
2 people like this
@bluewings (3857)
23 Mar 07
LOL Thanks:D I try to be sincere.I am sure your English will improve a lot if you spend some time on Mylot.:)
2 people like this
• United States
23 Mar 07
Not so much....I used to be a lot more like this when I was younger and cared more what others thought of me. After awhile you learn to say "no"....as long as it's not all the time and you're not totally selfish about things.
@yanstill (1491)
• China
25 Mar 07
learning how to say no,i think that takes time and experience
@angelicEmu (1311)
9 Jun 07
I used to be, when I was less self-confident. However, it's important to be able to say no, and not let people pressure or manipulate you into doing things you don't want to. If you're worried that you'll lose a friendship if you say no, then just bear in mind that if someone would stop being your friend just because you don't do what they want, then they're not really a true friend, and you're better off without them. Any worthwhile friend would respect your right to say no, and make your own decisions. Life's too short to let people push you around, and having confidence in your decisions is important. How other people react to you is their responsibility, not yours, and it's important to be negative where that's appropriate. If we're only ever positive, then positivity itself stops being a positive, and becomes just normal. Always saying yes won't please people, it will just mean they're more likely to take you for granted, and take advantage of your kindness.
1 person likes this
@yanstill (1491)
• China
14 Jun 07
thank you AngelicEmu,what you said really makes me clear,yes,life is too short to let people push you around,i don't know if i am still afraid of saying no now,but i am sure i am better than before,although i still need to learn the art of saying no without hurt others.
1 person likes this
14 Jun 07
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about saying no. Really, feeling defensive or guilty about saying no can make it more difficult to say no in a way which is both clear and polite. I used to get stressed out when I had to say no, and sometimes that would make the way I said no seem a bit aggressive. The best way to overcome that is to relax, smile sympathetically, and say something like "No, I'm afraid not", and immediately suggest an alternative person they could go to, or try to help them formulate a plan for doing it themselves. As long as you're clear and positive in your mind that you're not doing something wrong or being nasty, you just can't do whatever it is they want you to do, that should help. Just stay calm and be strong - that should help you to say no in a more positive way which isn't hurtful. Some people will try to make you feel guilty no matter how nicely you say no though, so it's important for you not to take that guilt on board, especially if they're used to being able to change your mind with those tactics. Just stand your ground, be polite but firm, and saying no will get easier with practice! All the best Yanstill :-)
@yanstill (1491)
• China
16 Jun 07
thank you angelicEmu,you really gave me a positive way for saying no,i never thought like that.:)you are very considerate,your friends must be fortunate to have you.before i was just thinking about how to say no,but i never stand in their situation,and give them some suggestions.i learned a lot today.thanks again,angelicEmu,it really helped.
1 person likes this
@Sicantik (706)
23 Mar 07
Before I was married I found it difficult to say NO to my family, but now that I have my own family,I start to prioritise things and always put my own family first more than anything else. Of course I still have the same respect to my family but now since I've explained to them that I am now married and have different priotity I find it easier to say NO and I know that they would understand...
1 person likes this
@VotreAmie (3037)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I used to be that way yanstill and I was miserable. I had to learn how to say yes and now my life has improved tremendously! lol If you don't say no people will take advantage of that situation and you will find yourself not having time for yourself. You can say yes to somebody who asks you to do something that you don't want to, and then you spend the whole day being miserable because you are going to do what you don't want to... Believe me, since I learned to say no, I have more peace and I'm happier. And I also realised that only people who are not worth to be your friends take offense when you say no.
@yanstill (1491)
• China
9 Jun 07
right,i guess sometimes we should be good to ourselves,and do things we want to do. thanks VotreAmie.
@dixielol (1581)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Well, for me telling people no has never been hard. IF it is something that I dont want to do then I just tell them No I cant do it. Or that I dont have time or have other plans already. If you let people, they will walk all over you. Sometimes you just gotta tell them no.
• China
30 Mar 07
I think you must learn how to say no to other people when you really want to say no to them. It is an art to say no. It is difficult to say no and meanwhile don't hurt them.But just say it more and more,and you'll find it is easy to say no in an indirect way one day.It is the day you learn to say no and become a man who has his own stance or opinon.You will find life is so different from before
1 person likes this
@vicky19810 (1601)
• China
26 Mar 07
for me ,i will not say yes,if i can not do it.but if possible,i will try my best to help my friend or my boss ,then i will say yes to them.so i do not think i am a person pleaser.
@yanstill (1491)
• China
26 Mar 07
sometimes there are many reasons i have to say no even i am able do that thing,it's hard to explain,but,i really have to refuse
@Greyh22 (110)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
That's also my problem. sometimes, I can't say no to a person, specially if that person is someone close to me. I'm trying to say no sometimes 'coz i know i have to, but my conscience is always bulging out. I'm scared I might offend or hurt someone.
@yanstill (1491)
• China
24 Mar 07
maybe we have to learn how to say no now.yes to yourself.
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9050)
20 Jun 07
I am a yes person most of the time lol.I find it really hard not to please every one else but sometimes I have no choice, especially as I have to work online to try to make a living because it is hard for me to work outside with my back or do heavy work. I am in a great difficulty if I have to say yes when I really mean to say no, I guess it was the way we were brought up lol. Sometimes one has to say no though in order to get the things done that need doing because sometimes people take advantage of our kind nature. So I do sometimes have to put my foot down when I know people are taking me for granted. I learned that the hard way my friend..
• China
19 Jun 07
yeah,this is actually a common phenomenon in our society!and always i just do not how to deal with that either!
@vogelvrij (196)
• Netherlands
29 Mar 07
I am a real people pleaser. If they are happy I am happy most of the times, too. I look for some harmony in my family relationships. I want to have people to have good thinking about me. Therefor I do a lot and let a lot go. I dont see why I should say No to someone if I can do a Yes also. Thats not my nature. So I am truly a people pleaser, sometimes that means I dont have that much time for myself. But the time I take for myself is well organised and I enjoy that than very much.