Is it right for me to complain?

@Kaeli72 (1230)
United States
March 23, 2007 1:36pm CST
I love my husband...I love our pastor. But, my pastor has drilled into my husband's head that he needs to pay his 10% of tithing for service. I can understand that. BUT, he's also saying that everytime we have service (which is twice a week), we need to all be paying some sort of offering. He wants us to pay $5 each...that's $40 a week since there are 4 of us...at 4 weeks in a month, that's $120 PLUS tithing. That adds up to alot! I remember the Widow's mite in the bible and I try to explain to my hubby that the baby needs diapers alot more than the pastor needs his payment. But, last time I had those thoughts, the pastor pulled out the bible and showed us where it says that if you don't pay your tithing, you're under a curse. And, if we can't afford tithes or offerings, we should go and get a job. HELLO! I'm a stay at home mother! But, the real problem stems from extra payment. Right now, our paychecks are very very tight. We're needing to borrow money and get rides because we can't afford to get the car fixed. But, before this happened, the pastor went out of town and told hubby to have service at our house. That meant we had to go and buy supplies from our own pocket. That added up to $60! No one is going to repay us that amount. Now, we're down to the last few diapers and no money in the account. Am I being selfish here and not putting my faith in G-d or am I being wise and seeing that my hubby is being waaaay too generous towards the pastor?
11 people like this
43 responses
@goodson (93)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I believe the Bible teaches Christians to tithe -- 10%. As far as anything over and above that, that is considered an offering. And that is between you and the Lord. I don't feel the pastor or anyone else should dictate to you and tell you what you should or should not give. Tithing is a privilege and a responsbility but offerings are optional. I believe God would want you to be realistic.
8 people like this
@janeyre (14)
• United States
24 Mar 07
In my opinion the pastor is abusing his position BIG TIME!!!! Your tithe is between you and God the pastor has no right to demand further payment. If you have the money and desire to give more wonderful. But to put a dollar amount on each family member!! OUTRAGEOUS!!!! I hope your husband realizes he is being taken advantage of!!! Your children should not go without so the pastor has extra money. What is he doing with the money? If he wants more he needs to get an extra job!! That makes me furious! God is not honored by that!!!!!
@Chrisnz (21)
• New Zealand
23 Mar 07
Look after your families needs first that is the most important as they say charity begins at home.Yes talk to the Pastor and explain how it affecting life for your family and if he doesnt understand then just go to church and dont pay
6 people like this
@smacksman (6076)
24 Mar 07
The face of the church in it's most avaricious guize. Not a pretty sight! I would change churches.
3 people like this
• United States
25 Mar 07
I agree this preacher is lining his own psckets at your expence he is wrong !
2 people like this
@Garrad (20)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I think that if anyone, the pastor is in the wrong, not you. I do seriously believe in the 10% tithe and that everyone should do it. However, I also believe that how much extra you give should be a personal matter against you and Him, not a mandate that the pastor puts out. The whole point of giving extra is to show Him your love and appreciation, and to give it willingly. The pastor should not be trying to make people feel selfish because they do not give tons of money. In fact, I think that the pastor's doing this displays a lack of faith on his part, for he does not believe that He will move in the hearts of the congregation in order to provide money for the church. I think that the story of the widow's mite would have a whole lot less impact if the widow had been forced or guilt-tripped into giving her money instead of giving it willingly.
6 people like this
@deebomb (15347)
• United States
24 Mar 07
What kind of a pastor do you have. I would not think of him as being a shepard which is what he is suppoed to be. Is he being accountable to the church member's. He almost soulds like a Jim Jones If you remember Him. Don't get me wrong I do believe in the 10% tithing. But not by coersion and definatly not by imbarassament. I would say you people are being flimflamed. Have you been to other church? Is this a new one? Boy I think I would be getting out of that one.
5 people like this
@namd3r (395)
• Canada
23 Mar 07
Your pastor should not be forcing it upon you to give money to the Church. It isn't right. Giving has a lot to do with your intentions, and if you're only giving money because someone tells you to, it may help them with their finances and what-not, but I that you are rewarded more for doing things with the right intentions and right motives than for giving because you are forced or preached at. It's true, the Bible says to tithe, but I don't recall it ever saying you are to give that money to the Church. It says to give it back to God. If you feel that the money could go somewhere else and do a greater service to the Lord, then it should go there. You should still trust in God, though, whether you decide to give or not. There is a story in the Bible where Jesus talks to some religious leaders and they see an old woman drop two coins into the offering plate or whatever it was. Jesus told that the woman gave more than all the rich tax collectors and all the religious leaders because she gave all she had while the others only gave a tenth. If you are willing to serve God and try to live your life for Him, you will actually want to give money back. That is a greater gift than just giving because of someone else.
4 people like this
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
23 Mar 07
Thank you. One night, he had everyone who had their tithes and offerings in the collection plate stand up. It just so happened to be an evening where my hubby didn't make the time to go and break down a large bill so everyone had something to give. My kids and I were the only ones sitting down and the pastor preached HARD. I was so mad I left crying. The wounds are still fresh everytime I see what little money we have. If I can't give the money cheerfuly, why am I forced to give it?
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (45857)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Now, I had not read this when I first posted. I want to talk to your pastor. Grr... Have you ever heard of the 2% principle? If you don't feel you can give 10 percent, you start with 2 percent until you gradually go to 10%. The people here are right - God looks at the heart where your motives lie. He cares more about YOU than your money.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Mar 07
I have to respond to Kaeli when you said your pastor had everyone stand up who gave money that service. You and your children did give. Your husband gave on behalf of your family!!! This makes me so upset!!! I just can't believe God is honored by what your pastor is doing. No offense but he is running a business if you will NOT pastoring a church. He is to be a shepherd caring for the sheep not blasting at every turn cause he didn't get his money! Do you have any desire to find a new church? Would your husband consider it? My heart aches for you that you are being so wounded in God's name. That IS NOT GOD. I am praying for you!!
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45857)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Hey Kaeli, My dad is a pastor and I have grown up into a pastor's family. Tithing is something my dad dreaded having to talk about. Once a year he would speak specifically on that, and that would be it. Everyone knew the Bible instructs us to give 10%. So I do not think there is a Biblical basis for asking you and your husband for more. Your pastor might be encouraging you both to give an offering, instead of a tithe. Is your church in financial trouble? A lot of preachers ask congregation member to act on faith when money is tight. However, giving more than 10% should never be done unless BOTH of you agree. Giving money to God is not meant to divide the household. I have seen people, I've been included, where more money was given that the people thought they could give. They did this on faith, and amazing things happened. Groceries were left on people's doorsteps, a man got a raise at work, someone won a free tank of gas at work - things like that happen. But God doesn't want you to give more than what you are willing. He doesn't look down on you for that, He understands your situation. He made you a mother and a wife and gave you the wisdom to know what to do in those capacities. Bottom line is God never requires more than you can give. If 10% is the amount given, God is just as happy with that as if you gave $10,000. I wish you nothing bu blessings!
4 people like this
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
25 Mar 07
Basic thing here is, in my humble opinion, is that your family are being asked to do without so that you can give money to the church...completely not on. For goodness sake tell your husband to C O P the F * * K on, your car needs to be fixed, money is tight, why the hell should you be giving to the church when your needs are greater. I am a church going Christian and I only give what I can afford - as dictated by ME not by the pastor, Reverend or Rector. sorry if I have been a bit strong in my views, hope I have not offended you!
4 people like this
@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
yes, it is in the bible that we should tithe, and give offerings, the more we give, the more we get... but i understand you do give your share, and if you cannot afford more than the 10% tithe, it is just about right for you to complain. your pastor should know better and not force you or other members to pay other stuffs. maybe you should re-evaluate your membership in that church as i think your pastor is very transparent in only wanting that money from you, or maybe other members too.
3 people like this
@jbrowsin66 (1322)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I agree with everything said in all the other posts --very good advice in fact. If you had $20 for the week and your husband gave $12 of it to the church, then it's your husband that has been brainwashed or made feel guilty by the pastor and he's probably just as much at fault. No pastor should ask for a certain amount per family member.. heck, your baby is not earning a living yet! In our church they ask for more and more also, but never at the expense of our own families' needs. If paychecks are tight, where is the extra that you should be saving for emergencies or your children's college fund or your retirement? Also if your children are looking for ways to earn some money because daddy gave it all away to the church, they are already subconsciously being taught to do the same. Good luck --I hope you can work out a happy medium.
3 people like this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
24 Mar 07
You are supposed to tithe 10% a week. So, if he wants you to put something in everytime, then cut the 10% into two, as you say you go twice a week. That way you only give the 10%, and he is happy that you put something in everytime.
3 people like this
• Canada
24 Mar 07
Hey Kaeli..........Thithes and Offerings are 2 different things in Church. If you are a regular Church member to the church then a 10% tithe is in order. BUT if you wish to give an offering then it is just that an offering. If the Pastor tells you what you must give then it is not given in the spirit that it is susppose to be given in. The Offering is totally up to you. You are not being unreasonable at all. I would Question any Pastor that tells you what to give !!!!!
3 people like this
@tishabest (602)
• Belgium
24 Mar 07
Dearest although the Bible mentions tithing 10% I believe the family comes first in every circumstance and that your pastor is taking advantage of your husband's devotion. For those who believe in tithing and that it brings blessings, fine but it shouldn't be someone forced on anyone. I hope he gets that and fixes his priorities.
3 people like this
• United States
24 Mar 07
Kaeli I mean no disrespect but I think something isn't 'right' with your Pastor's way of leading your church. I am a Christian and I have NEVER been made to feel guilty if I can't give to my church because my own family would suffer. I do not believe ANY Pastor should be making a member in their church feel so badly about having to choose between food and diapers over giving to the church. It upsets me that he made the people who gave stand up so that he could embarrass the ones who did not. That isn't a what God would want, I believe that with all my heart. I have to wonder if your Pastor isn't using the money to pocket his own bank account - why the need to make his members feel so badly if they can't afford to give one week? Something isn't right and if it was me - I'm sorry but I would find another church. A more understanding church. There was a time in my life when I barely had enough to buy my son milk when he was a baby. My husband and I were struggling badly not sure how we were going to make it week by week. A few people from my church knew of our troubles and they got together with the rest of our church family (and our WONDERFUL Pastor) and put together a care package for us of things they thought we could use to help ease our burdens. Including an envelope of money. We hadn't been able to give anything to the church, money wise, in a year and yet they still helped us during a time when we needed it so badly. THAT is what a church does. THAT is what a good God-loving Pastor does. A Pastor does NOT set out to embarrass his members because they can't afford to give $12 or $25 or $50 for awhile because they need to feed their family and pay their bills. Shame on your Pastor - he should be asking you how they can help you during this time of need, not making you feel unworthy of going to church. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh but this is just wrong and I'm sorry you are being made to feel so badly by a man who should be making you feel the opposite.
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I agree with you on what you say about the church being there to help other members. It is true. If this young lady is having financial difficulties and they are aware of it, then they should see to helping them in any way possible. It is a shame about this pastor. I do want to say that she never mentioned if that was brought to the church's attention, so we can't make a formed opinion on that. If they don't know then they can't help! You are right overall. The pastor should make you feel welcome in the house of God, not feel like a lowlife. I think he completely handled this the wrong way.
2 people like this
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
24 Mar 07
He doesn't do it to line his own pockets, he has enough from his own businesses. He's trying to show and teach us that we need to have money of our own and that we shouldn't be poor and work for ourselves.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I understand what your saying, but he should still have handled it a little less harshly and certainly not in front of the congregation. It is embarrassing and doesn't instill alot of confidence in him as a leader of your church. That is all I was trying to say. Sometimes I just blabber and I make no sense! LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 08
Your pasture has no right to tell you what you have to give. I know in the bible it talks about tithing but if I only have a small amount of money and need things in the house that is where the money goes. It sounds to me like your pastor is a control freak. A very pushy control freak. That is not what God designed pastors to be. They are supposed to guide the congregation not try to force them to giving. Just think about this has the pastor offered to help out when you need things like diapers or any other necessitys that are needed. He also has no right to tell you that the service has to be held at your house. He doesn't sound like a pastor to me he sounds like a bully that wants his own way. I have had a situation with a pastor that was similar to that. He even went so far as to say that if my husband didn't want to tithe for me to go and leave him and get a job and then I could tithe. When he told me that it was like where is the guiding and helping a couple work out problems. There are some really sad pastors. But that is not God's fault since pastors are also human and have faults and lose sight of what they are really there for. To guide people not boss them around.
2 people like this
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Indeed. I would listen to all the bad things that he was saying...my favourite being: "You guys wear me down!". Hubby later explained to me that half the stuff he was preaching does not apply to me. But even still, why even sit through that four 2-4 nights a week? That's not healthy, not one bit.
@shoelover (1573)
• Australia
24 Mar 07
I hope you don't mind but I would like to put in my 2 cents worth. As your children and you are not earning money you should not have to tithe for you. Your husband earns the money so he is the only one who should tithe. It does say that you should pay a percentage of your earnings so as he is the only one who is earning he is the only one who should pay. When my husband and I used to attend church that is the way our pastor explained it to us. I agree with what somebody else said about getting the study bible and researching that. Now I believe that you should not be giving until you cannot afford the basic necessaties for your family as that is not the way churches work. Now from what you have said it seems like you have done work for the church yourself so that in it'self should be classed as your contribution also. You do need to let the church know how you and your family are suffering financial hardship also.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Mar 07
i go to church and i will tell you from going for a very long time.in our church they ask but only for what you can afford god does not want you to go hungry or your children to go with out your pastor is wrong in making you feel bad about how much you can give i always give what i can afford if its 1.00 or if it's 50.00 shame on him for making you feel bad this has caused many of people to fall away from their church and cause tinshoin between husband and wife dont be afarisd to let your feelings be known times have changed
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
24 Mar 07
It sounds like to me that your husband is being way to geniores. I mean I would tell the pastor you'll need help with finances
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
24 Mar 07
We have $20 for the week...he gave $12 of it for tithes and offerings!
2 people like this
• United States
12 Jun 07
Yes, you have a right to complain. This is one of the many reasons I don't go to church anymore. "Church' has become a big big business. If you are against it and your husband continues...then it is NOT the right thing to do. NOT. The family comes first. If you're not giving with your heart...and just going through the motions then what's the point? It's a chore...husband is incorrect.
@sikhan (30)
• Bangladesh
24 Mar 07
Due to great, considering and kind heart of Pastor; you can complain about Pastor and Pastor can understand it.
2 people like this
• Egypt
24 Mar 07
the most important thing is to pay y ur heart the money is not importatnt while ur heart is not with god so u must first to become ur heart with good and about the 10% of tithing if u pay it every earning money the good will bless u so much
2 people like this