When I hear the phrase "boys will be boys" my blood boils

United States
March 23, 2007 4:48pm CST
There is no excuse..... When I hear the phrase "boys will be boys" my blood boils. That phrase seems to relay a message that it is all right to be stupid, insensitive, and a jerk. It seems to allow boys to be disrespectful, cruel and mean. I have heard it said over and over this past year. Does it mean as long as they are having a good time, let them be? Does it mean go ahead and act silly, because you are a "boy"? I guess because I know all about boys I get very vocal about this. Why are girls "sugar and spice" and boys "puppy dogs tail"? Why are girls told to act with grace and dignity and boys with bad manners and rude remarks? OK, I am not talking about your sons and brothers, I am talking about the boys we see on TV. Or in the movies and in Newspapers. "Oh, he is a just doing what all boys do!" says someone on TV. I say "excuse me?" Not any boys I know. On a TV show there was a story about a bunch of almost men, driving around shooting paint balls at people on the street. They video taped it as the victims were hit. The victims thought at first they were shoot with real life bullets. And these "boys" took pleasure in seeing the havoc they caused. One homeless lady was shot so many times, that they thought she was killed, and turned around the car so they could take more pictures. OK. OK, I am getting really angry here. Needless to say they got caught and got 2 years in person for causing boldly harm. Wasn't there anyone is their past that taught them respect, and intelligence? Didn't someone teach them care and concern? Or were they in an environment that had little respect for others and no concern for themselves? I know, I know you are going to say, "maybe the parents were good and kind folks" and "maybe it was the friends that the guys hang around with." OK that may be partly true. But I think boys growing into men should be taught to be more sensitive to people they comes in contact with. He should be taught at his mom's knee. Not at some encounter meeting he attends in his 30's. Saying "boys will be boys" is saying they are not worth the time and trouble to learn the rules of life. That they should be left along to find the way to adulthood. Girls on the other hand are given guide lines on how to act, dress and behave. Girls know when to say no and when to stick up for themselves. Boys see bad example on a daily basis. They see sports stars act rude in a game. They see music stars get arrested and than get off, for bad behavior. They see politicians lie and cheat and get reelected. Donald Trump, Prince Charles and Bill Clinton's behavior is given a wink and a giggle. Then this new baseball player saying off color remarks about New Yorkers, and given a weak apology. What kind of a message does that send to young boys. Being bad is cool? If I make enough money, I can get out of any thing? One thing that bothers me the most is the worse you are, the more people talk about you. You know a handful of "Celebrities" that do that. They are often the top of your news show, on the front page of the newspapers and on covers of weekly magazines. Having a child's mind, they see this as an "OK" thing to do. When was the last time you saw a child of substance on a magazine? When was the last time you heard of a child winning an award? Children should all be super kids. Well, that is off my chest! Give that son or brother of yours a great big hug and tell them how proud you are of them. Pat them on the back, for being the "Best" they can be! by Carolee Kaufold "may be reprinted with proper credit"
4 people like this
7 responses
@foxyfire33 (10017)
• United States
24 Mar 07
Carolee, I am a mom of 4 boys. All I can say is Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!. You said it all so perfectly there's nothing else for me to add. ************a big round of applause for Carolee************
4 people like this
• United States
31 Mar 07
I am standing for the applause and blushing
2 people like this
• Canada
23 Mar 07
It bothers me too. It seems like a double standard. I don't believe anyone should act silly or irresponsible, but what about when girls do it? There's no "girls will be girls" and why is it so much more acceptable for boys to act that way, than or girls?
4 people like this
@Munira (484)
• United States
24 Mar 07
We do not use the phrase "boys will be boys" in my home. My son is actually quite the gentleman (so I've been told). I have always believed that the phrase was used to condone bad behavior.
3 people like this
• United States
31 Mar 07
Yes, I completely agree with you there. Normally when you hear that it's just a way to try and "Candy-coat" bad behavior and make it seem like it's not a bad deal, when actually it really is.
2 people like this
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
24 Mar 07
Wow I guess I have a different take on the say "boys will be boys". I hear that and think of boys playing outside getting dirty and muddy, bringing their mom presents like frogs, snakes, and bugs and climbing trees so high they just about give any adult who sees them a heart attack. I think of them out helping to "fix" the family car or taking their bikes apart to try and put them together again. The phrase doesn't make me think anything negative about. So with that I ask you this what do you think of the saying "what do you expect she's a girl." Well I have daughters and one of them played on the Jr. High football team and did quite well.
3 people like this
• United States
23 Mar 07
Well I'm a guy and I completely agree with you. I don't think there is any good excuse for a lot of guys to be disrespectful, cruel, rude or anything like that. That saying also makes me mad, because it makes it seem like just being of the male gender makes it alright to do. The fact is it's NOT ok for guys or females to act in bad and disrespectful manners. I won't take of for the majority of guys even though I'm one. I believe in calling things "Down the Middle" so to speak. I know lots of guys such as you have described. Personally I think it gives all guys a bad name and reputation. Not all guys are bad, but it doesn't take many to make it very rough for the few good ones.
3 people like this
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
1 Apr 07
I agree with your statement. Boys will be boys is an idiotic way to think. I grew up in a household who were like this. However, they were very strict with both of us, they let my brother get away with more than I could. I was not allowed to stay out past midnight, he could stay out until 2 a.m., I was not allowed to go out at all during school nights, he was allowed to go out until 10 p.m., and so on. It was very unfair and when asked, I was told because I am a girl. In my mothers older korean culture, girls were not as important as boys. Boys were more doted on than girls. So maybe that was part of it too. I teach my daughter that philosophy doesn't fly in my house!
1 person likes this
@fay511 (43)
• United States
1 Apr 07
Hoo Ray!! I agree with you! Boys are constantly seeing images of the "Bad Boy Gets Away With It" mentality all the time! Most of the boys that I personally know, sons of other parents etc, are brought up and taught better, but even here in this little tiny town we are getting boys who are doing things that were only happening in the big cities a year ago! Why? They see it on TV, in movies, in magazines, tabloids, hear it on radio etc. You raise an excellent point.
1 person likes this