The Other Woman

@sechsey (1836)
Canada
March 24, 2007 7:29pm CST
We are used to talking to why guys cheat? Or to why guys usually have extra marital affairs and such? But we failed to ask what were those "third-party women" thinking when they got into a relationship with married men. What is the story in the other side of the coin? They are the concubines, the other woman or the third piece of the love triangle. What are their reasons they stay in a relationship with a married man? Is it just because of love? Is it just love that made them stay even if they can ruin another person's marriage? What do you think?
11 people like this
29 responses
@wrdsofwisdm (1070)
• United States
25 Mar 07
If you are only talking about married guys, well they wouldn't be able to cheat if all women respected the sanctity of marriage. Some women fear commitment and choose to go after married men so they don't have to worry about taking it to the next level. On the other hand some naive women fall for a married man and believe it when he says he's going to leave the wife for her. Most of the time that never happens and leads to much heartache. Then there are the gold diggers that want to steal a man for his money. I mean if it is for love, how the heck can that work with so many lies and deceit? I believe what goes around comes back around so I would never even think about doing this.
@PunkyMcPunk (1477)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
sigh... I have been the other woman. I didn't know. Honestly. We started to "date"... dinner, movies, etc.. we lived in separate towns he always came to my town. I didnt read anything into it aside from him being chivalrous and gentlemanly by coming to me and my area. This continued for a few months, then we ran into someone he knew at a Tim Hortons. That conversation was.... interesting. I was bewildered... Derek was freaked out... the other person was confused... Apparently Derek was married (only for 3 years by this time) and had just become the father of a baby girl. Needless to say his wife found out and the hate mail (emails, snail mail) phone calls threats, names, etc... began. Of course I stopped seeing Derek because I felt horrified. I was raised Catholic, after all. His wife assumed I was a knowing party. I eventually had to have the police order a restraining order for her. Derek finally did fess up to her (in counselling, good for them) that I knew nothing about her. So know if we ever do meet on the street, happened 8-9 times now that my job is in that town, she just walks away. I am sorry, and nothing would ever have happened if I had've known. I'm not making excuses for all behavior, some woman truly do know and don't care, that is wrong. But some of us don't know.
2 people like this
@sechsey (1836)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
its unfair actually to women who was deceived int he first place. Im not sure women should always keep their grounds up so they can protect such things from happening. Did you talk to the guy again?
1 person likes this
@smints8985 (1595)
• United States
25 Mar 07
The probabilities are endless, yes a woman might be tricked into this kind of a relationship, a married man could have lied about being single and tricked the woman into falling for him. Another is that a woman who doesn't care about the world and the legalities that comes with being human, that being a third party is not a good thing. She goes with the I-love-him and that is all that matters line, whereas she believes that they are meant for each other but it just so happens that he happened to have gotten married to the wrong person. Another one could be a thrill-seeking woman who enjoys the fact that it is wrong, the thrill of being the other woman that the husband goes ga-ga over... The attention that is being given to her of someone who is already married can be quite something she wants. And there could also be a woman that has her agendas, money issues or whatever. There could be tons and tons of possibilities, but the only person that knows the truth is the person who engages herself in that situation.
2 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
25 Mar 07
i think they are not really thinking.. or maybe they have such a low esteem that it is most comfortble for them to be the "third wheel" they do not really care about the women that he is married to and they do not really care about the man they are seeing and what kind of a men he is they usually say the sentence: "it is not my problem..it is his problem.."
• United States
25 Mar 07
Seeing as most people have covered fear of commitment I won't repeat that answer again. I will instead say that I think a lot of the reasons why women have an affair with a married man is because in a way it makes them feel better. Especially women with a low self esteem. When a married, taken man turns his head and wants to look your way you get it in your head that you must have something better than his spouse in order for him to look at you in such a way. It's an ego boost. Although morally wrong and truly upsetting that it could tear up another person's home life, sometimes you just don't want to give up on that feeling of security. Then of course, as others have mentioned, there is being tricked. It happens. A lot. More often then we would think. Anyway, good point of view to post.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I think a lot of them do fall in love. Women tend to be a bit more romantic than men. I've seen women waste their youth on men who are married that they fall in love with. They just don't seem to be able to pull themselves away.
@kitikatz (191)
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
Sometimes its because the relationship gives them convenience. Then eventually, they fall in love with their man and it would be very hard for them to walk out of the relationship anymore... It scares me actually.. Its difficult to accept if your partner cheats on you. Worst if you found out he has another woman...
@sechsey (1836)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
I dont think about it really. i trust my partner fully. But it made me think about what the woman thinks when she is the thrid party.
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
25 Mar 07
yeah, what about them 3rd party women where they at? hidin someplace I bet
1 person likes this
@sechsey (1836)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
Thanks for your comment!
1 person likes this
@mujtab20 (434)
• Nigeria
25 Mar 07
Thank you Sister, another thing is are they not afraid they might meet the samething in their own case? I hate them personally.
• India
25 Mar 07
Till now I found that men have extra maritial affiars when they like changes. They are continuously looking for challanges. They found challange in extra maritial affairs as well. This is not like that they don't like their wife your gf. but they just have fun to enjoy them.
1 person likes this
@tater03 (1765)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I think that in some cases they don't know when they start dating that the man is married. But then again there are women that love to date married men and don't care who they hurt. Those types of women to me are dispicable. But I guess if people didn't stray from their marriages they would not have someone to date and I don't foresee that happening anytime soon.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 07
A great many of these third-party women as you call them are insecure and unsure of either themselves, or their positions in life. Some times its love, sometimes lust, sometimes greed or malice, but most of the time, it's plain stupidity. These women are totally devoid of rights in a relationship with these two timing men and don't even seem to realize that. A good friend of mine was in a relationship with this married guy who bought her sympathy by claiming to be in a bad relationship and that he would be divorcing his wife shortly, but the relationship continued for more than a year with no signs of a divorce. She finally decided that she was just being taken for a ride and dumped him, but kept repenting her lack of maturity for a long time. She was feeling used, and you can't blame her for that. Sometimes they are the offenders and sometimes they are the victims. You cannot really be totally judgmental about all of them in general.
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
25 Mar 07
there is a species of women who are only interested in married men. In my opinion they tend to have low self esteem and simply want to promote their own status over the mans wife. They often have little, if any interest in the man as such, its the married woman they want to bring down. They like to feel they can have any man and therefore set out to get him. In my opinion they are little better than pond life blessed be
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 07
The reason canvary from person to person and from incident to incident. It might be to spoil the happy relationship, it might be inflatuation, might be true love, might be some challege or testing the man etc etc. Such things have happened and will happen, also now a days even there is "the other man" comming into the picture, so the reasons can vary. The only thing that one shol keep in mind is about his oldage that who is more promising and reliable and accordingly leave the other to live a better tomorrow.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 07
I beleive some women actually get into an affair with a married man knowingly.Like they say love knows no restrictions...
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
25 Mar 07
Did anyone think to ask - did the 3rd party even know the person they were with was already in a relationship. How do you know that the 3rd party didn't think they were the only one in the cheater's life? Not every married man/woman who has an affair - tells their new partner they're already married - in which case, the third party is likely to get hurt as well.
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
I think we need to hear from them to fully understand them. They have of course valid reasons for staying in the relationship which involves her as a third party. I think we could explain their feelings if we somehow emphatize with them. Let's say let's put ourselves in their shoes. I think one thing will still come out, love. Love conquers all and is still a mystery up to this moment.
@jean_rose (416)
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
Though there might be a certain amount of "love" involved,I don't think it's really that love which causes the girl to stay despite fact that she is the home wrecker. It could be the money especially if the man is well off can give her all her whims and dreams... I am not saying that every woman who are into this kind of affair are mercenary, but they should have known better...
1 person likes this
@hazbung (17)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I believe that everything happens for a reason. There are so many reasons for a guy to cheat, whether it be problems with himself or with his current partner. I have had a boyfriend who "kinda" cheated on me before, and the reason was that he felt insecure about himself. Well, too bad for him if he did feel that way but i would've appreciated it if he spared me the pain and let it out in the open from the very beginning! What i don't understand well is why guys find it hard to express themselves and tend to keep things to themselves.
1 person likes this
@chavezrmc (5799)
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
When someone is into this relationship especially the third party i guess they never planned it. Its just that they don't have a strong determination to avoid such a thing. I know that if they want to stop its all in themselves to do so. Falling in love is never planned. do you? That's why we say falling coz we never know that we fall into someone. Before we know we are caught in a web. Sometimes married men are a better lover, a better provider and most of all a person who can understand better. That's why women who are with them can't help to be in this kind of relationsship.