How do you Know?

@MsTickle (24994)
Australia
March 25, 2007 1:42am CST
How do you know your partner loves you apart from the fact that they tell you often enough. Do you just take it for granted that you are loved? Do you know it for sure, feel the love your other half has for you? Are you expected to take it for granted? How do you demonstrate your love? Do you expect your partner to just know you love them because you told them so many months ago or because you come home to them, becauseyou talk and listen to one another, you create special intimate moments together, because....why? Do both of you go about your lives actively loving and caring about each other or do you just accept things at face value and get on with whatever needs to be done?
5 people like this
16 responses
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
In every relationship keeping the love burning is almost always, to a certain degree, a struggle. It is never easy to maintain a relationship for it takes a dynamic and active paritipation of both parties involved. There is not one solution to re-ignite the flame that you and your partner used to have when you first started. Words will never be enough to express how you feel towards another. As the saying goes...action speaks louder than words. As I have mentioned, an active participation is required. Someone has to stand up and do something for the other. It does not have to be a heroic act nor an expensive treat. No matter how advanced our society has become, people still greatly appreciate the simple joys of life. Showing respect to your partner is always a good thing as well as listening whenever they have something to say...not just to hear but to understand. Do not fail to show how much you love someone...you'll never know whether that will be the last time you will ever do something for that person.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
But does it have to be a struggle? Shouldn't it just be an ongoing thing with both parties participating? In my own experience this was a one sided situation and in retrospect, knowing this I basically should not have committed to relationships that were in fact mainly one sided.
@lilaclady (28238)
• Australia
25 Mar 07
I believe you can feel if there is love. women in particular can pick up on it, although some men after awhile stop projecting those feeling maybe everyone does after awhile and I guess that is why both parties have to not let that die, keep the feeling alive.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
5 Mar 08
I think it's something couples need to work on all the time.
• India
25 Mar 07
love,my dear friend,lies in the eyes of the beholder,still it needs be expressed. The more love you feel and express,the lovelier you become.U cannot take it for granted.If you feel something for someone,say it.Let your partner know whats thier in your heart.. though they understand if they really love you, but when you speak about such feelings, it makes them feel special. Yet its not jus words dat account for it.IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE,YOU DONT NEED TO DEMONSTRATE IT,IT COMES OUT NATURALLY. YOU FEEL IT EVEN WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS NOT AROUND. This is how u'll come to know about it.You miss him when he's out,you find him supporting you in whatever you do,guiding you whats right for you,actually for both of you.He'll always listen to you problems,try to understand them,analysing the consequences and proposing solution for the same.He will always want your 'yes' in what he does, so that his mind is at peace when he knows his life partner is with him in what he's doing.He'll help you in fulfilling yor dreamsn consider your suggestions in matters.He'll try to cheer you up when you are upset, when you both have even a trivial dispute, he'll feel bad about arguing with you.He'll try to give you as much time as he can,from his busy schedule,but at the same time you should understand his problems as well.He'll share his office problems with you,ask you yours.He'll take you and the whole family as a reponsibility that he thinks is very important to perform. MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU SHOULD ALSO FEEL RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO ACT MATURELY AND IN THE ABOVE DESCRIBED MANNER. SO,DO SAY "I LOVE YOU" AS OFTEN AS YOU WANT TO SAY IT. BUT MAKE SURE THAT YOU ACT AS AN IDEAL PARTNER.. OFCOURSE NO ONE IS PERFECT.. BUT YOU SHOULD TRY YOUR LEVEL BEST TO TAKE CARE OF HIS HAPPINESS. LET ME TELL YOU THAT IN CASE OF REAL LOVE, YOUR HAPPINESS IS AN AIM FOR HIM AND HIS HAPPINESS SHOULD BE AN AIM FOR YOU.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
I already know about the fantasy....this is not real, not possible unless both people have no personality.
@PunkyMcPunk (1477)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
My god, How do I know my hunnie loves me.... It's in the way he just looks at me, it's in the quiet moments we share with eachother. It's in the way he is soooo excited to see me after being apart for 2 weeks. Its in the way we always have this connection even though we are apart.... It's in everything that he does, the way he touches me all the time (not always sexually).... good topic... made me smile just thinking about it. thank you!
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
Oooh, I got a really good feeling reading your response after reading my op yet again. Thank you so much for the lovely words and for sharing this moment of yours....lovely. x
@missybal (4492)
• United States
25 Mar 07
When he takes out the trash and does the dishes for me when I am obviously too tired to and makes me a hot cup of tea when I'm cold and hands over his paycheck without one word. He knows I love him because I do so much for him all the time. We are pretty good about being as considerate as possible toward each other everyday.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
You have restored my faith. I was really needing to answer this question and I'm sorry it took so long to answer your response. This is so what I wanted to hear. I had come to believe that what I expected from a loving relationship was not out of the realms of possible. It's so lovely to read so many good responses so early in the discussion.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
25 Mar 07
In my current relationship, we do all of those things. We realize that our time is valuable because he is gone much of the time. So, we never take it for granted to say I love you, but more importantly to show it. Words are words, if not back ed up by action. When we see each other we are very affectionate, but also, we show each other in our daily lives. Take for instance I am a stay at home mom and I make sure the house is clean before he comes home, there is a home cooked meal every night, I wash the dishes while he sits and relaxes. I do the laundry so he doesn't have to worry about clean clothes. I do these things because I love my family. He works, to make sure that we have the money to pay bills, he treats me to nights out so I don't have to cook every night, he is a good disciplinarian and a good listener to our child and me, he has patience where I don't. He isn't very forth coming with compliments or romantic gestures, but I know he loves me because I see evidence of it every day when he leaves for work at 5 a.m. and doesn't come home sometimes until 7 or 8 and he is just exhausted, but he still makes time for us, when I know he really just wants to take a shower and lay down. I hope this is what your looking for! Sorry it was such a long comment!
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
It all sounds like a feature from a pre feminist Good Housekeeping magazine. I mean no disrespect there. That was the time when there were standards and values and folk stood by them. Everyone had their role to play and knew what was epected of them. There was respect and courtesy for each other and respect for the relationship. Good for you.
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
in love you would always know if you are being loved by your lover. As the saying goes "Actions speak louder than words" better said right. When your lover tries to do evrything to please you it only means he/she loves you dearly but when he/she doesnt pay attention/doesnt show the importance and value of what you are doing then love has faded or love is not there anymore. Being obsevant and being sensitive to one's feeling may help to know if you are really being loved
2 people like this
• Canada
26 Mar 07
Myself and my partner take the time to create intimate moments with each other. In our opinion, a great relationship should be low maintenance, high intimacy. We share our time together when the kids are in bed. We sit and cuddle up together and share the details of our day. There are days when he'll bring home little gifts just to show me how much he appreciates me, and he ALWAYS tells me he loves me before he goes to work. It wouldn't feel the same if he didn't
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
Wow! That sounds great. Even though you are both making an effort, it's not as if you are because there are rewards for all. Blessed be.
@bindishah (2062)
• India
26 Mar 07
Its not about just telling each other that you love each other. Its also in the little acts that you do on a daily basis that shows the eprson you care about them. Its also the fact that you are the last person your partner wants to talk to before they retire for the ngiht. It is the fact that it gets late at night, your bf always accompanies you home because he does not want you going alone. It is also the fact that you are willing to share your popcorn with him in a movie (i hate sharing my popcorn with anyone else). I guess its just a lot of little little things that show you care.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
Yes, I think so too. It has to be a conscious effort on the part of both people to put happiness into the relationship.
@koikoikoi (1247)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I don't know. I guess I'll just have to believe that no good lying girl deep down in my heart.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
You never know...you might get lucky!
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
26 Mar 07
This really made me stop to think about my relationship with my hubby. We've been together for 6 years, and we are still just as in love as when we met, probably more so. I know he loves me because every morning when he leaves for work he kisses my cheek while I sleep, he does goofy things like paint "I love you" on the walls, he tells me to take a break and runs me a bath when the kids are frustrating me, he holds my hand for no reason when we are watching TV. Most of all though he accepts me for who I am, and never tries to change me. He shares in my successes as well as in my failures. We've had a phrase ever since we moved in together, "for the good of the commonwealth", meaning that we both put fort whatever effort is necessary not only for our family but for each other. We have our arguments, but usually agree to disagree. I tell him I love him every day when he calls on his break, and every night before he goes to bed, and I always let him know how much he is appreciated. We live our lives as if evertime one of us walks out the door we may never see each other again. That's how I know we love each other.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
How lucky you both are to have each other. Many people want what you both have.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
Life dictates that you have to "get on with whatever needs to be done" or we will all be best friends with the collections agencies. After 26 years of marriage, you might think that we take things for granted around here. Well we don't. We still go on dates, my husband loves fresh towels for every shower,(pain in the backside, but little as it may seem it is a gesture I always have maintained) My husband detests shopping, but takes me anyway. Maybe a better phrase would be to take it at face value. I never take for granted what our marriage means me. Neither does my husband. We do say I love you alot, but I still always feel that he does love me. I love him more now than when we first got married. His love for me and my feelings has grown as well over the years. I think love is something you "know" But you also have to nuture it.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
Sounds like the two of you havbe got it right. I see lots of folk getting on with their lives but in a seperate way. Seems no-one takes time to nurture the relationship and the love within, or one does and the other doesn't.
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
In my case I don't need to hear the words that often. I feel loved when she often thinks about me and considers me an important part of her life.
1 person likes this
@SheliaLee (2738)
• United States
6 Mar 08
Very good discussion! My husband is a very considerate and loving man. He calls me every day to see how I am feeling and if my day is going well. He is a postal carrier but he calls me when he is on his break. He is not big on buying gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. but I still know that he loves me.
@rosie_123 (6118)
26 Mar 07
Well that is a very hard question I think, because none of us really knows what another person is thinking deep down inside - even if we've lived together for years and years. For my part, I guess the fact my parher moved to another side of the world, and to a different culture, language etc is a good sign that he loves me. Also the way he is very protective of me - perhaps too protective at times! He cares about me so much. I remember last year I had a cancer scare (thankfully gave me the all clear), but he cared and looked after me so much, and was so strong during that time, and yet one day I came home early, and found him crying (probably the first time I have ever seen him in cry in 20 years), because the thought of losing me scared him so much, but he wasn't going to scare me by letting me see how nervous he was. As frme - wel I tel him I love him every day- he tells me too. Our love is very precious, and we try and remember that every day and don't take things for granted.
@marjcute (35)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
well all i know is that my bf alwys keeps on telling me how much he loves me..bt i know for a fact that he really does love me because of the he cares for me and the times that he has alwys been there for me in times of problems and troubles..