Do You Have Any Idea How To Convince My Mother?

Philippines
March 25, 2007 9:14am CST
My mother used to be strong despite her age ( she's over 70 and will be 80 in two years time or so). After she met a motorcycle accident which fractured her left shoulder and upper left arm, all of a sudden she has weakened considerably. We, her children, have been supplying her food supplements, vitamins, and other items necessary so she will be comfortable. Convinced that we can never do enough for her if she lives so far away from us, we did everything to make her come down from her faraway farm (about 100 kilometers from her two daughters in Davao City). However, she still prefers to stay in the farm. All of us, 6 children, can see that she cannot do much anymore to run such a big farm which is about 70 hectares. Thus, we see no point for her to be staying so far away from all of us. We have asked her to at least move to another more accessible farm which the family owns also, but to no avail. We are at a loss now as to what to do in order to make her leave that faraway farm and live nearer us. Is there anyone here who has any idea as to what will be the best approach so she will come down?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
I think the best approach for your mom is convince her to stay at the house of one of your siblings.Then tell her that every weekend you'll visit the faraway place you've mentioned before.So the set up would be nice and I think your mom would like this kind of idea.Hope it works.Wishing for the good health of your mom.God Bless!
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Thank you for the good wishes. It still appears that up to this time, she wants us to pay her visits rather than for her to live with any of us, her kids. She's a very independent woman but we worry so much because of her condition.
@DANDTON (75)
• China
26 Mar 07
Just tell her the truth
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Apr 07
Yes, we have done that already. Thank you dandton.
@ElicBxn (63194)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Until such time as she can nolonger take care of herself alone (hopefully NEVER) leave her alone. If that is where she's happy, then she should be allowed to stay. She is probably up there muttering to herself about how annoyed she is with all of you trying to get her to leave her home. I understand that she may not be able to manage the farm any more, perhaps you can hire some neighbor to take over the farming (and pay leasing rights) to the land so it doesn't go fallow. I understand that you want her closer - but really 100 kilometers really isn't that far - many Texans commute futher for jobs daily, surely you guys can take turns getting out there once or twice a week & call her daily?
2 people like this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Maybe you are right about allowing her to stay in the farm. It is true that she complains a lot about our rantings that she leave the place and live nearer us. She says that she is still fit. But we are afraid that if she gets sick at the time when her home companion is away running errands. It is unthinkable what can happen. This fear has been gripping us unfounded it seems, since it has never occurred so far. But we cannot wait for it to happen before doing something about it.
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
I guess, you had tried your best. But u've got to understand that your mother is happy staying at that farm. Don't take that happiness away from her. Better yet, hire somebody whom you know from the neighborhood. Then you and your brothers or sisters can take turn in visitng her once a week. Discuss with them the schedule of visitation to your mother. You've got to do it every week so you can monitor her regularly. Good luck, trinidad.
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
Thanks for the advice. At this time, this is the best thing that we can do. I have two brothers who pay her frequent visits. We can keep track as to her health by calling up time and again.
• India
26 Mar 07
WOMAN BEGETS MAN. Its mother. express your desire for her staying with you at another place. make her understand that she is imporatant to you as ther farm is imporatant for her. tell her that if she cannot leave the farm you cannot leave her. ask her if the farm is more imporatant than you people. If nothing works out remain with her at her place. for this age never leave her alone. i have three brothers and a sister. all of them have left to far off distances for employment / studies. but i am with my mother/father. i wont leave them for sake of employment.
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
I agree with you that you made the right decision about staying with your parents. The sad thing with me is, I cannot do the same for my mom. I have a sick child whose health may be adversely affected if we relocate to her area. The farm is so many kilometers away from the hub of the city where I can avail of the doctor's services from time to time. Travel from her house to the doctor's will be difficult because of the prevailing road conditions in the place.
• India
26 Mar 07
according to my oppinion , first you invite her to stay with you people for some time, atleast for one month and make her feel better when she is there around with you, then there are 5 siblings you have so she can stay toghere 6 months with each of you. from that tim treat here well and explan the matter to her , you wil be having a hard bargian that its not easy to make old people understand . then you can also ask your church pastours or priests help and let him speak to hear , because you know this old lots ahve great respect for spiritual guys
2 people like this
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Whenever she comes to me, the longest stay is one day and one night. She cannot stay longer because she worries about the farm so much. My sister said that I cannot take away from her the love of her live - her farm, no matter I'd do. I've been wondering why she can't be like other grandmothers who love to stay around their grandchildren for a week or more.
@vinu123 (224)
• India
26 Mar 07
My mother used to be strong despite her age (She's over 70 and will be 80 in two years time or so.)After she met a motorcycle accident which fractured her left shoulder and upper left arm, all of a sudden she has weakended considerably. We her children, have been supplying her food supplements, vitamins, and other items necessary so she will be comfirtable. Convinced that we can never do enough for her if she lives so far away from us, we did everything to make her come down from her faraway farmhouse (About 100 kilometeres from her two daughters in davao city) however she still prefers to stay in the farm. All of us 6 children, can see that she cannot do so much to anymore to run such a big farm which is about 70 hectares. Thus we see no point for her to be staying so far away from all of us. We have asked her to at least move to another more accesible farm which the family owns also, but to no avail. We are at a loss now as to what to do in order to make her leave that faraway farm. and live nearer us. there is anyone here having idea as to what will be the best approach so she will definitley come down. at least i feel so from my heart. If everybody sits down & try convince her she has to listen to her childern. no wories she will come down.
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Thanks, I hope she will make up her mind about coming down, soon enough to be with us, her children.
@shooie (4984)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Maybe think about getting someone to be there with her. If you can't get anyone to stay with her and to help her out then I would try to get her to move closer. Older people get set in their ways.
2 people like this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
She has one to keep her company. We have been trying to find at least 5 more to help her at the house and in running the farm, but people nowadays, prefer to stay at the hub of civilization. We can't blame them. It is never appealing to stay in such a huge desolate farm.
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
26 Mar 07
hello,you have a very difficult problem. Even my solution may doesnot satisfy you but ihope it should workand get you out of it. If you have small kids attract her with them and see that she must be busy with them like making them play,helping in their studies and in other activities.Make her to know about the loss of being away from you and even financially what you are suffering with the farm there which is of no profit out of it and i think tis works out. Please be confident.
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Yes, I am hoping to get a good mix of the ideas I receive from friends through this forum. The six of us might come up of a good strategy if we size up everything. Thanks for dropping by.
@nathanye (196)
• China
26 Mar 07
I think u should talk with her in proper time,say,when she is frustrated by her farm work.Do u have children? Why not let them have a try,u know,Nana always love their grandchildren,and hardly refuse them. And u six can live with her alternately,2 months a person.hehe
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Yes, she loves her grandhchildren. She asks about them everytime we talk. My two brothers are constantly in contact with her because they are living nearer her. We get their updates from time to time.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I too have a mother who is this way. She is very stubborn and set in her ways and doesn't want to give up her independence. She isn't at the point to where she needs someone to keep an eye on her, my father is still alive and they are doing well, but I too feel how you do, that in your situation I would want my mother with me as well. Unfortunately, she seems still able to make her own decisions and continue to be independent. Just make sure that there are people in the area that will drop by from time to time to check on her and each child take turns going to visit and keep an eye on her health. It is good that she has someone there on the farm to help her, but keep trying to find someone who will assist further, don't give up!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Yes, they are stubborn. They want to be independent but they want us to be around them, too. Kind of puzzling to me. If not for my youngest son, I am with her already. I used to stay with her before. It is my sick child who is stopping me from staying with her any longer than a day.
@ryanphil01 (4182)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
well, why not take turns in taking care of you mother in the farm (rotation basis). have all your brothers and sisters on a table and make a schedule in going to the farm and stay at least a week or two. the one without too much work should stay longer, i supposed.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Yes, I have two brothers who are also self employed. They are the ones whom we can count on for a lot more, that is, aside from the home companion my mom has.