forgive and forget

@winterose (39918)
Canada
March 25, 2007 2:26pm CST
There are so many people in this world who cannot forgive, I knew a lady once he still hated a man because he hit her at school when he was 8 years old. She could not get past this hurt and still so that man today as that little boy of 8 years old. We all make mistakes, but what kind of world would it be if no one ever forgave us? In marriages spouses will make mistakes, nobody is perfect, that means neither partner is perfect and a marriage is doomed to fail if ever transgression is brought to the service and never forgiven. Imagine a couple throwing up everthing that ever happened to them during the course of their marriage that they felt was wrong, it would not make for a happy marriage but has great potential for an unhappy divorce. Can you forgive please provide an example of where you forgave or carried a grudge in order to be rated.
10 people like this
30 responses
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
I was going back home for a visit and my husband didn't want to go. He was a good worker but the man couldn't cook to save his life. I was concerned about it and asked my old friend if she'd like to come by each day and cook for Don and she could have her supper with him. She was on welfare at the time and she was only too happy, said it would help her out too. She was about 24 years older than I and I knew her from when I lived in BC. She was unhappy after we left and I not only found her a place to live I helped move her and I scrubbed the filthy appartment down that she was to move into. I also wall papered, painted and helped her all I could. I had to return home early from BC because I have ashtma and the forest fires were so bad I had to come home. I arrived middle of the afternoon thinking my husband was still at work, but I used my key to get in and found him and my so called friend in bed together. I just sat at the kitchen table said nothing, she came out to the kitchen put her shoes on and left. I never spoke to her again and I got my divorce. I never really did forgive either of them.
3 people like this
@onabreak2 (1162)
• United States
26 Mar 07
Oh wow, I don't think I would forgive her or him either. That was terrible. That is really a terrible thing for them to have done. The both of them. I don't blame you.
• United States
26 Mar 07
If I was in your shoes, I would do the same thing too. This is one of those instances that I probably can't forget or forgave. Probably in due time, forget but it is hard for me to forgive. But you know what, those people that had done this to you, their guilt is probably eating them up alive because they know how good you are to them and they had betrayed you. I think in the long run, it is good that you got rid of these kind of people on your life. You don't need them.
• United States
26 Mar 07
i had an experience four years ago. i married a woman from the philippines and moved to be near her and her family. one of her neighbors decided to get money from the americano (me). they filed a case in the court against my father in law who is a photographer. they included my wife and i and told us we had to pay them 500,000 in philippine peso. we refused and they went to the local media. so now my wife and i were all over the local tv and newspapers. we hired our lawyers and fought the case. there was no evidence and soon the opposition lost their attorney since he had nothing to prosecute the case. last year some members of the opposition came to my wife and i asking for forgiveness. it was hard. the case had lasted for 4 years. had cost me thousands of dollars and affected my marriage and health. but we forgave them. in spite of what we suffered. no one is perfect. we all make decisions we regret later. better to forgive and forget.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
welcome to mylot you get best response for that story.
1 person likes this
• New Zealand
26 Mar 07
forgive and forget is not my piece of cake.I can never let go a hurt why should i am i emotionless dont i feel hurt.What the hell i did wrong to garner the hurt.Never forgive and forget. you are right what kind if world would it be utterly bad.I too let go the hurt often but i cant forget it. When i was young we all lived in a colony with lots if kids.We played for years.As we all entered teenage realisation dawned on me that i was a wee bit different.But i still went along wiuth them.One day one of my good friend invited us all to his birthday partu we all went together i was standing last .one by one we wished everyone was thanked for the gifts and just whenb i was to enter he closed the door and went back its been years but i still hold a grudge againts him,i shall never forgive him. I know not wether i am right or wrong but i can never forgive that person.
3 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
Hi Winterose, great discussion, I think that I am the type of person who no longer carry a grudge around because I did for so many years and I literally became soul sick, All the people I had grudges against didn't have any idea for the most part, It was explained to me this way, What benefit do you get for caring around a grudge, will It change anything, no, will it make you feel better, no, are you a better person for doing so, no. I was not asked to forgive them just not have them in my mind, and if they did come into it I could easily rid myself of them by a thought, I will not poison myself with you any longer. See holding a grudge is like drinking poison to get rid of the people you hate. My mother and ex husband are now on my list of yes I knew them but they no longer have any control over my life, any thing I do now is by my CHOICE.
• Indonesia
25 Mar 07
i know... some peoples have same problem. and i think t forgive someone that have ever make mistake with me is a hard.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Mar 07
I held a grudge on a girl that I got into a fight in junior high with for many years. it wasn't about the fight so much, I won actually. it was the fact that the one fight changed my entire school year, she spread lies and caused alot of my friends to believe her and it basically ruined my 8th grade, then that turned into highschool conflict, I was mad at her for a long, long time. After motherhood I realise it isn't worth it and so I decided to get over it. I feel better about it now. Now i'm to the point that if she was broke down on the side of the road I actually would stop and offer her help.
2 people like this
@onabreak2 (1162)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I guess it depends on what the person did that made you have to want to forgive them or not forgive them in the first place. If it is something silly and really forgivable then yes I would of course forgive them. Like what you mention about something that was done to someone in grade school. That is carrying a grudge a bit too far. I don't think anyone has anything to me that I couldn't forgive them for.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Mar 07
I dont know of exact examples. But I do know that I forgive and forget easily. Well I forgive, I cant promise forget. But if I recall it, for some reason, its not in the grudge like thing I believe is bad. Its more like I just recall... My mom on the other hand not only recalls stuff but recalls it with anger as the first time it happened. Thats bitter unforgiveness or if you ask me thats how it works I think so?
2 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
26 Mar 07
Yes I forgive. I had someone hurt me physically and not let me leave when I wanted to. ..That's all the time I can give to the details... He was an ill man and I seldom think about it anymore. If I carry a grudge then he has a hold on me but when I forgive it is a letting go so I can move forward and forget about it. Grudges are such a waste of time and I will spend my time on friends,family,pets,myself I will not waste it on grudges,hatred,or any of the other mental poisens.
2 people like this
• Fiji
26 Mar 07
I believe forgiveness is a personal decision, but we human beings have the tendency not to forgive. A persons act of forginess will depend on the degree of the unjust treatment he/she experienced. But I believe that genuine forgiveness can never happen unless the Lord Jesus Christ prompts him/her to do so. And when the Lord Jesus is given total control of a persons life than that personal decision to forgive a wrongdoer regardless of what he/she did will be genuine enough for him to forget in the sense that he will chose not to surface it when the act is being committed a second time.
2 people like this
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
26 Mar 07
You are right in a way that you count then only. There are so many people who can forgive and that's why this life is goingon and sustaining! Mostly people have naturally this virtue to forgive because all know that mistakes are going tohappen but for improvement and prograss! How we look at the things is also dwepwnd uponone's own experience and so who has not experienced forgiveness in perticualar issue or event will feel thin issue a big problem! I think that those who have rigidity about this forgiveness need more love to break this rigidity!
• United States
25 Mar 07
I remember there was a guy who wanted to sleep with me so bad he almost swore he would. I was at a party and was having fun and he kept trying to dance with me assisting we was friends but he kept rubbing up on me. well at the end of the night i felt violated and left and never spoke to him again and swore he was forcing himself on me. I got into a relationship and my boyfriend told me That if i ever saw him again let him know how i felt and I would feel better. I ran into him at the mall and told him how i felt. He thought he was so cool and played it off but then my boyfriend showed up to pick me up from the mall and he was trying to be a friend from that point.
2 people like this
@jhartana (1085)
• Australia
25 Mar 07
There is no use in keeping the past and the grudge, in the end it will not worth anything. It is best to forgive and forget, some people can't get past over it but if they keep the grudge then it's no use and they will not move forward. Forgive and forget is the way to go, as God forgive people as His son Jesus Christ have sacrificed Him life to take away the sins from us. There's an excerpt from the bible that says to forgive others as God forgive you. If you forgive then God will not forgive you too. My wife is a person who likes to keep her grudge from the past and she will throw it all when she had enough. Everytime I made mistake she said that it was easy for me to say sorry rather than to prevent it. I understand how she feels however she cannot expect me from perfection as she already knew that no one in this world is perfect except God Himself. I'm pretty sure one day hopefully she will not carry the grudge anymore.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Mar 07
when i was younger i honestly didnt know how to forgive because to me to forgive meant i had to forget which was something i was unwilling to do! over the years ive learned to forgive though by simply saying "i wont let you "insert persons name here" have power over me anymore for the wrong doings you have done to me" and with that i am able to simply move on and let it go. i was actually talking to one of my dear friends the other week about forgiveness and she said to me that she doesnt forgive.. i asked her why and this is what she said "for me to forgive someone for something i have to first judge them for what they did, and since i dont believe in judging people i do not forgive" she is such an amazing person!
2 people like this
@Netsbridge (3242)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Winterose, I believe you are expecting too much from humankind. While forgiveness is divine, very healthy and noble, even God the creator never required forgetfulness from humankind - To forget is almost an impossibility with humans! While humans can forgive, and we do forgive, the length of forgetfulness depends on events thereafter. You will find that even the Almighty, Supreme One, who alone is capable of both forgiveness and forgetfulness, often recalled when the forgiven never cared to repent. To forget is just too much to ask of any human being; which is way you and I are always to be careful about our acts, seeing humankind is incapable of forgetfulness. Your above mentioned woman is just being human. To forget is just not an endowed attribute of humankind. We usually forgive with the unspoken addendum of "please, do not repeat; else, I will recall!"
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
I believe you think in only one way, and that is unfortunate, even if you read the discussion here you will see that some people do, and some don't and that is what this discussion is about, as being human we do not all do the same things or thing the same way.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Mar 07
Winterose, I was not engaging in a debate with you; I am simply stating facts! Of course, we all do not think alike and do not perceive things alike. Netsbridge is only informing y'all that humans just do not have the ability to completely forget. Forgetfulness for humans is dependent on the continued acts of the forgiven. Just plain truth!
• United States
25 Apr 07
I'm normally the type of person that just cannot hold a grudge. I'm very quick to forgive and forget on most things. There are things that it would be much harder for me to do so, but I think I would be able to in time. There is one person, however, that I will forever loathe. I will never forgive him for what he did to me. Of course, what this guy did to me was much worse than a bully on the playground in gradeschool. This doesn't plague me on a regular basis, though, as I have had no contact with this person since "things" happened almost two years ago, and I don't feel the hate unless reminded of the past. If I never see this person again in my life, the hate I have inside would probably just fizzle out. I have moved on with my life and am happily married to a wonderful man. I have put the past behind me, for the most part. If my husband does something to make me mad, the longest I can stay that way has been, I think, three hours. I just can't stay mad for long, haha.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
7 Apr 07
I can easy enough forgive but I can never forget that seems to be hardest with me I forgave my Ex Husband many things in the 21 year Marriage I never forgot though but I never threw it back up either but then it went to far and I would not forgive anymore But normally I forgive but I do not forget
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Mar 07
I agree with you. People should forgive and move on in order to find peace in their lives. If you continue to carry a grudge you are not hurting that person that you can't forgive, you are only hurting yourself. You are dwelling on this event and not letting it go. You are the one who feels the emotional pain everytime that you remind yourself of it and hold on to those feelings of hate. It doesn't mean that you have to completely open yourself to trust the person or persons who wronged you in some way, but you can let go of the past and look to the future. As for examples, I think that if everyone is honest about this they could admit to several opportunities withing their lives to carry a grudge. I'll give you one example that closely resembles your friends. I remember a classmate who used to push me, call me names, and do things that were not fun for me at all. However, we were children at the time and it is a part of growing up that people will make mistakes as you stated and learn from them. I could carry a grudge against this person, but this would solve nothing but reminding me of the painful memories of the past. It is more important to recognize that this person has grown, matured and changed for the better. Now, we get along fine as adults and have a good friendship (one that wouldn't exsist if I had allowed myself to still carry that grudge). You can let go of something in your heart and allow yourself to heal. That doesn't make you a doormat; just a wise individual who knows the secret to inner strength and peace.
1 person likes this
• India
26 Mar 07
According to me forgiveness is the way to God's Favouritism. Yaaa I can understand that in some cases we can't forgive because the mistake is so big but in those cases we should forget them wholly because carrying grudges is a slow step towards your own decline. Forget all those bad facts of your life which brought you on the stage of tension.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
forgetting is the hard part. It takes time to forget about the feeling...
1 person likes this