Is it rude to deny friends because of a language barrier???

United States
March 25, 2007 10:29pm CST
I refused a friend on here, because I couldnt understand what he/she was saying because the English was very broken and I couldnt read anything they wrote. I didnt do it at all to be rude but I figure I wouldnt be a very good friend if I couldnt respond to any of their discussions. I love that we have people from all over the world on here, makes it very interesting. I just didnt want to be on a friends list that I couldnt help by responding to their questions.. Is this rude?
14 people like this
49 responses
@FrancyDafne (2051)
• Italy
26 Mar 07
Rude.... mh.... surely you haven't been kind.... First of all I tell you that everybody can do what he/she wants, and so I have nothing to say for the fact that you denied this person, and yet I can understand the reason why you denied him, but I think that if everybody did like you, no one would want him as a friend.... so.... I think that you could be a little more indulgent towards him....
@Asylum (47312)
• Manchester, England
26 Mar 07
I see nothing wrong with your decision, and the main criterion is the reason for your decision. I agree with your reasoning and it would not be practical to accept someone as a friend if your were unable to respond to them in the way that you consider you should do. I would probably feela little guilty in the same situation, but would make the same decision for the same reason.
3 people like this
@Kayleena (80)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
If you would have accepted him (or her), then they sure wouldn't have thought you were a good friend. At least, this way, you are honest and this is important. It's not about being rude nor is it about being picky. Plus, what good would it have made? Yes, you would have accepted him in your friend's list, but aren't friends made to respond and comment each other's posts? You knew from the beginning that you couldn't ave done that with him, so why should you have done it? I think you did the right thing.
3 people like this
@greengal (4288)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I wouldn't say its rude and probably would have done the same thing if I were in your place. I am picky about whom I have on my friends list because everyday I start responding from my mail notifications. I have good friends so I don't have to look far for discussions to respond to. Communication is the key thing here in mylot and if thats not good then it is a problem. I don't mean to say that I discourage users who don't know English or are trying to learn, but I would prefer to not have them on my list, that's just me..!
3 people like this
@ratyz5 (7831)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
Being rude is just one way of being honest to yourself. If you have the patience to get them to put their thoughts right into a language that both of you would understand, then that would be something good to be considered as an accomplishment as well as good gesture for the benefactor. Then there's that mirror sequence wherein you put yourself in the shoes of this person whom you are considering to deny just because of language barrier? Well, you can consider the fact that they are trying another language which is not innately theirs to begin with and learning, especially for those who had already grown a bit, is a difficult thing. Nevertheless, some people don't really see it rude when a person's honest. Who knows, those that you reject may come back with more fluent use of the language both of you would use for communication? Friends again?
2 people like this
@chm236 (34)
• China
26 Mar 07
i don't think it is rude , because you don't have the same level , and you even don't know whom she/he is , maybe you can make friends when you know each other much more later.
2 people like this
@shakeroo (3991)
• Malaysia
26 Mar 07
It is not rude if the refusal is done politely since there is no regulation or conditions that says that you must accept a request to be a friend. It is really up to the individual whether to accept or not.
2 people like this
@mikawa (30)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
I say what the heck.. who cares.. just add them. You will probably never meet them in real life and you may win a prize one day for have an assortment of friends.
2 people like this
• Canada
26 Mar 07
I wouldn't consider this to be rude at all . If you are unable to read anything they put down then you would not have really been friends other then having them on your list and that would really not of made a whole lot of sence . I am sure that had this person realized they were unable to understand what you had down they would have agreed , some people just add people to be friends just to have a list of friends not for any other reason . I wouldn't worry about it at all .
2 people like this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I wouldn't consider that rude, at all. You have the right to maintain a friends list based on whom YOU want as your friends. And your criteria for accepting/denying friends is nobody's business but yours. If you want to limit your friends list to people with blonde hair and blue eyes... then that's YOUR privilege. Personally, I don't have much time to spend on this site, so I use my friends list as a starting point for which discussions I am going to read... I can't see myself spending a whole lot of time randomly surfing" for interesting discussions to respond to. Therefore, I'm only going to approve friend requests from people who show me (by their discussions and responses... and I DO check) that they write reasonably well, and can talk about something other than "making money online." Maybe that makes me "rude," too. In which case, I guess I'll invite you to come sit on the "Rude People's Couch" with me... heh....
• United States
27 Mar 07
I do the same, I go to "discussions my friends started" first. But if I have a list of friends that I absolutely can not understand then that would defeat my purpose, but some on here think I shot at the guy/gal after I refused the friendship...lol. Make room on that couch I guess..lol
@vanities (11351)
• Davao, Philippines
26 Mar 07
not really if the intention is nice ..have you pm her/him on the deletion and explain to him/her about it??
• United States
27 Mar 07
Yes, I did but they didnt understand what I was saying. If I could make out ANY of what they say, I would have accepted them but I cant understand one word of it except "english". I never meant to be rude, I just cant help them with any discussions so I felt it better to not accept them. I swear I didnt mean to be rude, hurtful or egotistical thinking everyone should speak English. I love all people but I keep getting invites from people I cant understand at all...
• United States
26 Mar 07
I think it's kinda mean. It's like not wanting to speak to someone because their accent is too thick. It's not hard to understand broken English, and not making an effort is lazy. Not to mention expecting everyone who wants to be your friend to speak English is egotistical, and ethnocentric.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Mar 07
No, I don't think so. If you their english is a little bad but you can still read between the lines, that would be one thing but if you can't understand anything at all then it's clearly a waste of time. This has nothing to do with not liking someone or being mean because they can't speak or write a language right. If you really can't understand someone then it realy doesn't help anyone out, especially on a site like this. Those are rather harse assumptions to make about someone I'd say!
2 people like this
• India
27 Mar 07
Hello dear, well the thing which you did was in a way proper from your point of view, but also you could have been friends with him without much interaction. That is almost of no use but , you never know when you need any one out here, so its better that you be friend with everyone who wants to be your friend and have fun. That's the way I see.
1 person likes this
• Egypt
27 Mar 07
Please, my friend, try not to deny anyone as much as you can!.
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
English is my second language but I made an effort to make people understand what I'm saying, since I live in English-French speaking country. To make a living here or just to communicate, I have to either use English or French. I have seen in many occassions that people misunderstood me so since then I never stop improving my grammar and vocab plus taking administration and business course to help with my business. The way I see it, if you can't communicate with this person, how do you become his or her friend? You feel that you are rude for denying their friendship, but what about the fact that this person didn't make any effort to improve their language prior to requesting your friendship? sure if it makes you feel better, find a way to tell them why. Other than that, it's your prerogative who you want to be friends with. Just my opinion, sorry if it sounds too harsh. All this person needs is simple English, we are not lawyers, politicians or financial investment advisor etc etc that requires a lot broader vocabulary anyway..
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11928)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I don't know...... maybe accepting with the understanding that you have a VEEERY hard time with the language barrier. You know, the old 'it's me not you'.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 07
You wouldn't be able to reply to them. Their replies to you wouldn't make any sense and wouldn't contribute. I would reject such a person too.
1 person likes this
@onyevikky (134)
• Israel
27 Mar 07
is not that rude at much in the fact that u did not understand what the person talking about so is not ur fult u know world is very much universal that u can't afford to be rude in that u don't know were u will meet ur helper and so u need to be good to good to everbody but the people u hear and people u don't hear.IS what u will do next time if see some body u don't understand language u just tell that person to widen his english to what u will understand so that u will give that person answer ro the qustion.thinks
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 07
I kind of consider it rude. Yeah, it could be tough communicating, but the best way to learn is to experience. Talking to you could help them improve their language skills, and vice versa. There are many ruder things you could do, and I totally understand your thinking. I denied a few people at first for the same reason, but then I just learned my way around it. Hope this helped, even a little.
1 person likes this
• India
27 Mar 07
I won't term the action as rude at all as you didn't differentiate between colour or place but on understanding of language as that is quite important. And as you say that the english was pretty broken then how could you have ever responded to their discussions or understood their responses. But still that I must say wasn't the best thing to do. YOu could have tried and help them and told them about their mistakes so that they can improve them. But who am I to suggest as I don't know the situation you are in, still keep working and helping as much as you can. Take Care May GOD Bless YOU