My boss is having an affair!!

@soccermom (3200)
United States
March 26, 2007 2:58pm CST
I'd had my suspicions about my boss being unfaithful to his wife and today I got confirmation that my suspicions were true. First it started with phone calls from this mystery lady who would never leave a message for him or allow me to help her with anything, I searched the phone # in our client database and got nothing. She'd get really huffy when he wasn't here. Then he started taking cash out of the office account for no reasonable purpose. Then he gave me Tuesday afternoons and Thursday mornings off and the blinds in our waiting room are always closed when I come in, and a few times I've stopped by the office and the door was locked, but always the same truck (not his) sitting in front. They guy that shares the building with us stopped by today and told me he's seen this girl going in and out at odd hours and when that truck is here it sounds like a bunch of monkeys swinging on a trapeze coming from our office. This upsets me! My boss is 65 years old and has a beautiful adoring wife who is 62 but I swear doesn't look a day past 45. I've made snide remarks here and there and he always has an excuse for the phone calls or why the doors are locked or the shades are closed. Do I just straight up call him on it? It's not effecting my work in any way, I'm just disgusted at the morals behind it. It appears not only is he cheating but he's PAYING for it. A hooker that makes office calls. What would you do? Just let it be and try to look the other way? I'm no angel myself, I cheated on my first hubby all the time, but I've been faithful to hubby 2 since day one, and for some reason my bosses infidelity disgusts me.
11 people like this
43 responses
26 Mar 07
i worked for a boss that I knew was having an affair and eventually he ended his marriage and moved in with his new lover. the hard bit was that at first his son didn't know about it, so when he visited the office we had to pretend that it wasn't happeneing which was very difficult sometimes. I do know how you feel. I am wondering though, whether you have a problem with it because it is happening under your nose rather than away from the office. Perhaps you could mention that you would rather he kept his private life at home.
4 people like this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I think my problem is that he's bringing it into the office. This is a place of business for petes sake, and I hate trying to explain to people how come the door says 9-5 but on certain mornings and afternoons it's locked.
@ginagee (843)
26 Mar 07
It's a difficult one, I guess it depends on how much you need your job!! If you're not bothered about losing it then talk straight to the man and tell him how it makes you feel, he could be okay and understanding but then he could just tell you to get lost. Don't forget that where s** is involved most people lose their sense of fairness!!!! so don't be surprised if he turns on you. Also, how well do you know the family, maybe this is the norm for them?? It does surprise me though that you say you are disgusted at his morals when you, yourself, have done the same thing, do you remember how you felt back then, where you bothered by what others thought as you say you find it disgusting or maybe it makes you disgusted because you did do it yourself and you remember how it affected people?? Or maybe at 65 he just wants a bit of excitement, a sort of late mid life crisis???? Maybe the 'beautiful,adoring wife' isn't so nice behind closed doors??? There could be any number of reasons for him behaving in this way, if it really bothers you then talk to him about it, if you don't you'll just have it bubbling away inside of you and that's not good. good luck!
@fpd1955 (2075)
• United States
26 Mar 07
Have you mentioned to your boss that the gentleman that shares the building with you is concerned about their possibly being "monkeys swingin on a trapeze" in the office? Maybe then he would realize his affair/business arrangement is getting out to others, not just you. And it would be interesting to hear his excuse about that one! You have every right to be upset, after all this is where you work. Especially if you like your boss, as your boss. If he is an otherwise decent man, it probably upsets you even more that he is capable of such deviant behavior. Some might say this is none of your business, but it is your place of work. You do what you feel is the right thing. I hope it all turns out alright for you. God Bless
3 people like this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I never thought of mentionaing our neighbors concerns to him, I may just slyly bring it up. This man is like a dad to me, next to my own and my FIL. He has been my mentor and professionally I owe him a great deal. I don't think he's ever turn on me, but there would be some tension. Thanks fpd!!
1 person likes this
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
26 Mar 07
What your boss does isn't really your business so your snide remarks are out of place. What good would calling him on it do. He would just tell you that you weren't hired to look into his personal life. Also, discussing it with other people such as the other guy that shares the building is very unprofessional. I agree that it would make the job uncomfortable, so I would just start looking for another job and, when one comes along, I would quietly go away.
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
26 Mar 07
My boss is like family to me, and the guy that shares our building is one of his best friends. It's more of a family environment than a strict professional one. Trust me, my boss never holds back on his opinions with what I have going on in my life. I have too much opportunity for my own life staring me in the face at this place to just quit and start over somewhere else. Thanks for the response. I guess the situation is more complicated than what it sounds like in my discussion.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Mar 07
Well first of all, I feel bad for his wife. No one deserves to be cheated on. That said, what you do (if anything) would depend on how close you are to your boss or his wife. If his wife is a friend of yours, you have every right to step in. I would probably make a comment to him that OTHERS (like the guy next door) are making comments and you're not sure how to field them. I wouldn't accuse him, just let him know that people are talking. Whatever you do, though, don't jeopardize your job.
3 people like this
• Canada
26 Mar 07
Well i don't blame you for being disgusted, however you need to stay out of this. He is trying to be discreet (maybe not succeeding) but this is his own personal matter. Maybe he is not paying for it-perhaps he is having money problems hence the "borrowing" money problems often lead to relationship problems so this could be reason for the infedelity. This man sounds like perhaps has a lonely relationship and perhaps so does his wife. Maybe they are boteh cheating and are staying together for the kids or something? Sick , i know but im sure it happens more often than you think. You also said that you cheated on your first hubby all the time - perhaps it is your own guilt from mistakes in the past that makes you so disgusted by your bosses behaviour?? My advise let sleeping dogs lie, and concentrate on your work. To tell you the truth i am surprised you havent yet been fired for your snide remarks.
@jen20619 (1302)
• Ireland
26 Mar 07
What an extrodinary story. Quiet alot of action around your office. I think its best not to get too involved in what hes up to in the office.If he is cheating on his wife at 65 years old with a call girl.I think its best to leave him to it no good can come from getting down to what hes doing.
@sjohnson628 (3197)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I would probably just keep it to yourself if it's not directly affecting you. However if it does start affecting you then I would say something about the monkey noises! Then maybe he will realize that his affair is not so secret after all!
2 people like this
@7nicole1 (1634)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
Oh well what can you do? At least hes not hitting on you and trying to hook up with you. I could never figure out why people did this. If you want someone else at least have the balls to tell the other person instead of hiding everything and hurting them more in the end. Some people are just plain right down ignorant of others feelings. Just consider yourself lucky you and your husband have a good marriage. Never know if his wife finds out you might be working for her someday!lol
2 people like this
• United States
26 Mar 07
This is a tough one. You do not say if you work for corporation that you and your boss both work for or if this is the business of your boss. That matters. If this is the business of your boss and you want to keep your job, then you say nothing. If this is a place of business that both you and your boss work for, that is different. The most important issue here is that he could pass a disease as horrible as AIDS on to his wife. That fact that this woman is a hooker makes that likelyhood stronger. Even if you would tell the administration of the corporation about this...if indeed it is a corporation, those in command may not care and look at you as nosy. If you do value your job, you could leave and tell his wife. There are a lot of ifs involved.
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
26 Mar 07
He's an independant agent but still has to answer to "big brother". It just bugs me he uses our office to do this, and I'd hate to see his wife suffer for his indiscretions.
• United States
27 Mar 07
I would hate to see his wife get AIDS.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 07
Of course it's wrong and it's disgusting to cheat on one's partner, but you do sound like you like your boss in a romantic way and you're just a little a bit jealous. Take heed not to interfere, if you were his daughter, that would be another issue. You either get used to it 'completely' or you choose another job. I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, you do sound nice and you seem to have everything going well for you, just let the man be. Let it go or leave (the job).
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
27 Mar 07
LOL bobox! Read some of my comments before your post. This man was almost my father in law, he is my mentor and like family to me, there is no romantic feelings at all! LOL I am in the position to get his business passed on to me when he retires, he has helped pay for my education to further my career, it's not as easy as just finding another job, I am in a good place with this company. Thanks for your response and the chuckle! :)
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
I think that your boss is behaving in a very unprofessional manner. Shouldn't the office be open on Tuesday afternoons and Thursday mornings? How is he getting his work done? And if it's hit the point where you know about it and the guy next door knows about it, he's definitely not being very discrete. What if a client tried to stop by?
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
28 Mar 07
According to the office hours on the door we're supposed to be open. I got a call today from a client of mine who got cancelled for nonpay, he says he dropped the money in the drop slot last Thursday morning and that my bosses truck was there but the blinds were closed and it looked like we were closed. I asked him if he paid by check or money order since nothing had been entered in the system and he said no, he dropped $300 in cash in an envelope with his past due notice. Since the guy paid cash we can't prove he paid. It made me look bad. My boss claims he was there and open all day, and I don't think he'd take $300, but the person he's associating with might. He doesn't wotk much anymore anyway, I handle everything for him except life insurance, which we don't sell alot of since it is so expensive. I'm so irritated, but i reinstated the guys policies and I'm having it charged to my bosses account. I'm not "eating" that one.
• India
27 Mar 07
Well lemme make this clear. Why does the boss hate u? I maybe wrong, but i think the feelings that originated inside u is reciprocal. Its like the boss hates u, so u hate him. U see him having an affair with someone, and u wanna teach him a lesson. Relax!! Chill!! Let him have an affair or whatever. Dont get me wrong in here, even u have confessed that u had cheated your hubby. People lie. People cheat. Its upto them to decide whats best for them. U can try to make a difference in his life, but if he aint gonna change what more can u do? Let him pursue his happiness. The guy is old enough to know whats right and wrong.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
27 Mar 07
My boss doesn't hate me, far from it. He treats me like one of his own children. I get a semi annual bonus and raise. I say I want a new desk chair, next day I have a new desk chair. He send presents on secretary's day, not to mention remembers my birthday, my huuby's and my kids. We are like family. It bothers me because I have always looked up to him, that's where my problem lies.
• United States
27 Mar 07
I am amazed by the number of people who have responded to this thread saying "it's none of your business". It IS your business if you are stuck trying to cover up this man's affair for him. It IS your business if he is pilfering money from company accounts. And it IS your business if you have more than a business realtionship with this man and his family, which you obviously do. That is what's wrong with this world-- nobody wants to get involved, everyone just looks the other way! I applaud you soccermom, for having the courage to say something to your boss, or at the very least letting him know that he's not fooling you.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Finally! Thank you awonderful! I was starting to think maybe there was something wrong with me while reading these responses! I think maybe if I would've kept my mouth shut about my past affairs the responses would've been different, but there's a big difference in a 24 year old having an affair and a 65 year old doing it, for money nonetheless. And I thought if I mentioned my past indiscretions nobody here would think I was trying to play the "saint" card. Who knows, I thank you again, I went to bed after reading a couple responses here that for somer reason made me feel like a schmuck, I needed this when I got up!
• India
27 Mar 07
see, being very practical I'd have rather ignored the situation....and that should have been an ideal answer according to me.... if he is ur boss and u r just an employee u have no right to question -- rather should I say you should not question -- if u want to see urself out of trouble--- I know you might give me a '-' but my brain tells me this only..... it is a little selfish answer but then at times you ought to be selfish, if you dun want to be trouble--- think of her wife when u r safe-- but if questioning him puts u in trouble--why afterall is it all required?
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I gave you a "+" Ketan. I wish I could ignore the situation, but he's throwing it right in my face. And unfortunately it is affecting business in an indirect way. I really don't think I'd be in trouble if I question him, as we are quite close, I just don't know if I want to deal with the added tension.
• United States
27 Mar 07
Why are you showing this "holier than thou" attitude. You did the same thing and anyway it is none of your business. Maybe his wife is aware of the situation how do you really know what is going on in his married life
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
28 Mar 07
I would look the other way as it could also affect your Job as such. Look the other way and let him be. I know it is awful but you don't know the reasons behind it. There are normally reasons and you know like I do you just do not know what goes on behind closed doors.
1 person likes this
• Kottayam, India
28 Mar 07
Let him have his privacy, but talk this over to his wife in secret and solve this problem amicably sk107
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 07
Although I do agree that what your boss is doing is hurtful to his wife and jeopardizing his family, I think it's a situation that you should stay out of and not get involved in. The wife will eventually find out from someone else or for herself what is going on. All you can do is continue to do your job and remain professional. If you find that the situation is escalating to a point where you no longer feel comfortable working there, then there is always the option of finding a different job if you feel that you can no longer work for someone you are losing respect for. As much as it hurts you not to say anything to him or her, what happens in their marriage should remain between the parties involved. Be careful not to be construed as the morality police by giving your boss an unsolicited opinion when none was asked for or requested, unless you wish to create a potentially hostile or tense work environment where the only choice will be to leave. Thanks for posting your situation! Blessings, Zuri http://askzuri.blogspot.com
1 person likes this
• India
27 Mar 07
These are things that require a lot of tact, you know. While your heart may be bleeding for the poor wife, you might actually be causing more damage by blowing the whistle. A separation at this age would not be nice. Try to have a chat with your boss, if your consider yourself to be close enough to comment on his personal life. Don't even think about making snide remarks. If there is something that you want to talk about, be direct about it and avoid beating around the bush. All the very best!