child support

Canada
March 26, 2007 9:30pm CST
should dad's who don't bother to pay child support still get to have visitation rights. i don't see how it's fair for my ex to never pay for anything and still get all his rights. my daughter is not getting her rights to the money she needs to live. my ex went about 7 months with out paying and was allready in a rears then. we went to court on a different matter so he finally paid up but now it's been months again and he owes $1000 and the amount just grows every month now. i can barely afford anything and it doesn't seem fair that i have to pay for everything for her and he doens't take any responsibility as a parent but still gets to have visitation rights. what are your thoughts.
12 people like this
37 responses
@lonewolfnan (4367)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
Unless it is detrimental to the well-being of the child,the father should be allowed access to his child.To keep them separate based only on money seems to me to be a shame.Now IF the father can afford the support but refuses,then I do not understand if he knows what it means to be a parent.Before we went to court,I was paying support for my son.I sent about 25 % of what I was making any if my ex needed more for special events(ie. school or sports)then she would call and I would send extra.My reasoning was that I did not want my son to go without because his mother and I did not get along.So as you can see,I am caught in the middle on this one.Go back to the courts to get your money,but please do not use your child as a pawn to get what is owed to you.
• Canada
27 Mar 07
what i mean is that maybe it would give them an insentive to pay. it's just frustrating that i can barely afford rent some times because i don't make a lot of money and he has a good job and refuses to pay.
1 person likes this
@feddef (43)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I agree with Wolfman. The child's best interests are controlling, and generally that means a relationship with both parents. The child will one day be mature enough to form his/her own opinion about who was fair, caring, nurturing, and providing of support---financial and otherwise. Should you interrupt the visitation, the child will not have the opportunity to form this opinion, and will probably harbor resentment against you, perhaps unjustifiably. Only by knowing both parents and with maturity will the child be able to sort all this out. For now, just recognize that having his/her parents separated/divorced is difficult and painful for the child, even in the best and most amicable of separations. The child loves and needs both parents. The child often needs counselling to realize that their separaton is not his/her fault. And if there is rancor, over money or any issue, the child is torn all the more. Do seek the assistance of the courts to obtain what support you can. They are the best arbiters of whether he is doing his best.
• United States
27 Mar 07
You should take him back to court to get the money he owes your child. My ex does not have the money, but yet he wont even try to see her. When I call him to tell him to sign the papers and pay up, he tries to con his way out. And he has two other kids that he has to take of too.
2 people like this
@marciapw (64)
• United States
28 Mar 07
well me and my son's father never went to court to force him to pay child support. But he is to give me $200 a month. If he gets behind. I tell him he has to come up with so much or he don't see the kid. He usually comes up with it. But when he makes excuses I threaten to take him to court and have it taken from his paychecks. And boy he comes back an hour or so later with the money
• United States
28 Mar 07
Oh my your one of the lucky ones. Your threats are like bullets.
@myklaire (437)
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
The father of my son left us when he was 4 years old. We are not married so he easily walked out on us. Since he's not sending any financial support then I wouldn't let him see or visit my son. He's making things hard for us, so it would be the same for him.
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Mar 07
we have a court order stating he has to pay and stating that he gets her every sencond weekend. now i have to follow that and send her there but it seems like he doens't have to follow the rules, that's what annoys me.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Since I have no idea how the laws work in Canada, I can't really give any advice on what to do. Here the "non-custodial" parent must inform the courts of his address and workplace. Failure to notify them and non payment can lead to jail (although in my county at least the rarely want to be bothered with that) Honestly, if I didn't know better, I'd think our ex's were the same person! I've been through this same kind of thing too. What I was told is that, although it isn't an actual law, payment does not entitle visitation and non payment can revoke visitation. If you have custody papers giving him visitation rights, you can't keep her from him without taking it to court to change the custody orders. If you do not have actual custody papers drawn up, you will be considered her custodial parent and therefore have the right to decide where she goes and who she sees. Basically if there is no official document stating she must visit him, he has about the same rights as any other family member that wants her to have a weekend sleepover. It's up to your discretion whether she goes or not. But again I'm speaking out of my own experience here so it may be different for you in Canada. I'm guessing the FRO (I think that's what you called it) is the same as our DRD (domestic relations department). Here DRD services are free (mostly) and they'll answer general questions over the phone. Maybe yours works the same way and you can call and ask about visitation "in general", they may be willing to answer just that for you without cost. My "opinion" is obviously in agreement with you. If they won't pay, they can't play, so to speak.
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Mar 07
thanks for the advice. i'll call them to see what they say. my goal is not to keep them apart, i just need some help to raise her with everything she needs. i just thought an insentive would help. but like someone else said sometimes they get put in jail for a day if they refuse to pay. and like i said a friend had her ex's licence taken away so maybe that would be good to look into. i'm just stressing out over not being able to provide for her on my own.
@Impervious (1154)
• United States
28 Mar 07
AHHH a subject that I can sink my teeth into. My ex wife has never paid one penny of child support since the order was put in place 4 years ago. At least you get something. Yea I have custody. Gasp a MAN. (haha) anyway seriously though I wouldn't really care about the money although I need it too if she would be an active parent. Although she made that more or less impossible by moving across the country with her boyfriend. While I appreciate the distance my daughter misses her. And while it sucks that one meaning support vs custody has nothing to do with the other More importantly though is that he plays an active role in her life. I know first hand the anger and frustration that you feel but try to put it aside for her sake. Not his.
@nangel78 (1458)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I would definitely take the father to court to get him to pay child support. It should not be just one parent handling the finances for the child. Both should help out.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 07
I don't think it is right that he still gets visitation and doesn't pay child support. It's not fair. Have you thought about going through Human Resources to let them help you and handle the child support issue. Going through them he would pay it to them and they would send it to you and if he didn't pay then he would go to jail.
• Canada
27 Mar 07
i am on the other end of this discussion. i paid child support for years and was never allowed to see my children. all the lawyers told me that the two were separate issues and had nothing to do with each other. i fought like a bulldog for 12 years and spent several nights in jail but i now have full custody of my children. their mother pays no child support.
• United States
27 Mar 07
No payment should in my opion means no visitation. Before all the bleeding hearts jump on me for not taking the child's needs for both parents into account - GET REAL! The support of the child is a HUGE part of the children's needs - PERIOD! The burden of the welfare of the child is the responsibilty of both parents. If the father does not offer monetary support then he has no right to offer other support. There is a difference between not being able to pay and not willing to pay.
1 person likes this
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Well, I feel like a father should get to see their child whether they pay support or not. However, I also think there are a lot of fathers who pay support and the ex-wifes still don't allow them visitation. Think of what is best for the child- both parents in their life unless the mom or dad is a monster. My husband paid his ex almost $100 per week for his son for over 5 years and only seen him once. Finally, we took her to court and they made her give us visitation. People need to learn that the kids aren't a pawn. I am sure that he loves her as much as you do and maybe there was a good reason that he isn't paying. Does he spend money on her when he has her? Maybe he doesn't feel that she benefits from the child support, which isn't a good reason,but I have seen parents who draw support and the kids never see a dime of it. If you have trouble making ends meet, maybe you should get a part time job or something to make more money and just don't rely on his and then when he does pay, you will have a real treat for her!!
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I feel so sorry for you. I have been in the same situation here too. i have a 15 year old daughter and her dad has had nothing to do with her for 99.9% of the time. He waited until she was 6 years old to even tell his family that he had a child. He hadn't paid me a dime. He finally wanted to see her because his family pushed the issue. His dad was making some child support payments to me so it could be possible. They seen her a couple of times and we haven't heard from them since. I was only getting $40.00 each time from them. Since then he has also caught up on his arrearage but he never sees his daughter at all. He also claims her on his taxes every other year. She lives with me 365 days out of a year. He only pays $50.00 a week now but it isn't fair that he can claim her on his taxes. My husband supports my daughter and I and I earn online. He is to carry insurance on my daughter but he doesn't even do that. He always has a lawyer when we go to court so of course he always wins. I think the child support system is a total joke. He should not have any rights to your daughter if he is not paying. He is a deadbeat!
@gbaben (509)
• Russian Federation
27 Mar 07
To me i don't think everythin is money,the fact that he does not contribute his part moneytrily now, does not mean that he does not have any other part to pay in HIS child life again.Mind you,I think if because of money now,he is deny the right to the child,when his money comes what do you now expected of him.To use the money to buy the child back?.
• United States
27 Mar 07
I personally am lucky as I am still married to my husband. However, I have strong feelings on this matter. If my husband and I divorced, I would expect him to pay his child support. I would have a major problem if he did not and still got to see our daughter. While, I know it is important for children to see both parents, they need that financial stability also. A child needs clothes, food, toys, among the millions of other things. And if a parent is not willing to help out, and pay child support, in my mind they are giving up on that child. In my eyes, it is a form of neglect. A parent can lose their child due to neglect so the parent who is not paying child support should lose their child. My husband's parents split up when he was a little child and his father never paid child support and never spent time with his kids. My husband suffered for that. While his mom remarried and he considered his step dad his father, I can tell he still feels jilted at not having his biological father. My husband went without as a child on more than one occasion and I do not feel that a child should have to live and see that pain. ANyway, I feel no...they should not get to see their child until they can start taking care of that child!
1 person likes this
@7nicole1 (1634)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
No I think parents who dont pay their child support should not get any contact with the kids. My poor girlfriend went through this for 14 years before she finally had enough and took him to court. So far everything has been working out but surprise surprise he is almost a month late this month. why should these people get to be parents without having to front any of the bills. I say if their is no child support then no visitaion either.
@massaj03 (4376)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Well actually I would have to say yeah its still right for him to see the child unless he has hurt the child in some way..mentally, physically, ect...eventually you will get the child support, but you would probably have to keep on about it trough court, if the father is like that....but even though I see your point on this I have to disagree with you.
1 person likes this
@gfelix (12)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I think no. Part of being a mother or father is making sure your children are well cared for. Obviously when he's not helping out moneywise, he's not making sure she's being cared for. I never understood why some parents wouldn't want to pay child support for their children. Don't they want to make sure their children are getting everything they need?
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8521)
• Sweden
27 Mar 07
The only thing I can see you to do is keep dragging his a** to court, atleast it is working and you get your money. Hopefully he will eventually be ashamed of his own actions..
1 person likes this
@sikhan (30)
• Bangladesh
27 Mar 07
Child psychology is very difficult. If any parent do not give support of his/her child; it will boomerang of their parents. So my opinion every child have right to any kind of support from all of us.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 07
Visitation isn't about money. That's the bottom line. Visitation is about having the absent parent have an impact and an influence and a connection with the child. It's about having 2 parents, even though she only has one at home. Yes, he should pay his support, and people who don't pay their support really bother me. After all, they helped create the child, why is it so hard to help support the child? Anyway, try not to have a negative attitude about her father and his visitation. You don't want to rob her of that experience, and if you do, she will grow to resent you for it. My mom hated (still does in fact) the fact that I love my father, and want to spend time with him, and she made her feelings well known. I also believe that she was jealous. My point is this, I still resent her for that. When I have a family function in my home, I invite my entire family, mother and father both, and my mom usually finds a way to not be here. She is doing it because she doesn't like my father, though she'll never come out and say it. Her "reasons" for not being here always sound very shallow and hollow. They have been divorced for 25 years and she still can't get over it. And yes, she did a lot of the raising on her own. And my father jumped around from job to job a lot, he had a hard time keeping a job for a long time. I think the only reason she looked forward to our weekends with our father was because it gave her a break from us. I can follow that logic, however it's not right. She really should have encouraged us to have a relationship with our father. She now wants to pretend that our step father is our father, cause she prefers him more. Ok, this turned into a rambling thing. Sorry about that, but I think that you get the point. Your daughter will know how you feel about her having time with her father, and may grow to resent you for it. She deserves the time with her father, whether he pays his support or not. Yes, he did help create her, and he should help support her. Keep in mind that by visiting with her, he is helping to support her.
@maggyyy (11)
• France
27 Mar 07
In my view, the law is very unfair. I totally support those not paying dads should be banned for visiting. If they do not do what a father should do why he should still have the right entitled to a father????? This happened to myself and to some of my friends too. The ex husband never paid. They were the ones who mis behaved and ruinned the marriage. After divorce, they stop paying even the child for foods. I do not know where they get this hatred towards the ex wife and children?? since they were the ones who misbehave and wanted divorce??But as soon as the wife accept the divorce, they suddenly get offended too!!! Do they think their little money are a big sum for raising the child and the mother can profit from that??? he should know very well that amount of money is not even enough for the baby!!! Anyway, i never expect the baby's father will pay. But even like that, i m happy to get rid of him. I m happy with my baby. I try my best to make as much as possible. I take my baby purely for myself but not for him. So i do not feel contempt to raise my baby alone. ANd i forget abt him, whether paying or not paying! let's just enjoy the blessing of our children and live a better life!