Children, how many is too many?

@camar_lyn (1028)
Singapore
March 28, 2007 7:58am CST
My sister in law (SIL) just gave birth a handsome baby boy. It's the first boy in the family and he is one of the three children my SIL has. I don't know if she wants to have any more after this baby boy, it is truly her personal decision. It does make me re-think my decision i made 2 years ago to stop after having 2 kids. But after seeing families with 4 or more children, it just looks exhausting! The question i have for mylotters is, do you ever plan the number of children you want to have? What is the ideal (if there is such a thing) number of children in any particular family? what is the best age/time for a woman to have a baby? Thank you for all your replies! - Lyn
4 people like this
29 responses
@nanayangel (7732)
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
I think you can say that you have too many children when you just can't handle them anymore and give them what they need. It doesn't matter if you have just one, or two, or twelve. I think it depends upon your capability of having and raising a child. One is if you can finance their needs and give them a bright future. Another thing to consider is your patience and passion to help them grow up to be nice and respectable person. It's not about numbers, it's about one's capability.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Thank you for your reply nanayangel. You are right. Finances and time, patience and passion does help to determine the number of kids a couple should/can have. A friend of mine took 13 years to get a precious baby boy.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Thank you for your reply nanayangel. You are right! Finances and time, patience and passion does help to determine the number of kids a couple should/can have. A friend of mine took 13 years to have a precious baby boy. It is serious work building a child's character! - Lyn
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
Yeah. Sometimes I get scared just thinking about the responsibility. Because raising a child, each and every move or decision you make may affect how the child will grow as a person. Wow, thirteen years. Long preparation but as the saying gows, Slowly but surely. Although there are no gurantees that raising up a child after long years of preparation will be perfect but at least some aspects should be well taken care of like the financial aspect and emotional maybe.
• Lithuania
28 Mar 07
Scientists say, that the best age to plan baby is till 30-35. Later in organizm of woman become changes of her hormon system and there that there is more risk to deliver a sick baby. But in reality, woman deliver her first baby at 40 and later. ... I become a mother at 32.It was my first baby and only. She was born after Cesarius incision operation, and i think I don't need more kids. Even i would be able to grow up more. How much is enough? Usually "standard" number is 2 kids in family. But my friend, she have 5 now, but she say, that she isn't sure that will stop think about 6'th:) Not every woman have such instinct to be mother of pentand childs and more. I saw family with 16 childs and all were in good care of their parents. Anyway it deppends from much of reasons .Somebody dream just about only , for others not enough of 10...
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi scorpiostar and thank you for your reply. By the way, goodness me!! Are you sure that was 16 children? Is that in the guiness book of world records? *LOL* It is true what you said about kids. Some families don't want any while some families can't have enough. Cheers! - Lyn
• Lithuania
30 Mar 07
yes there is family in Lithuania have 16 kids:) even it sounds as miracle:)
@Jasmijn (145)
• Belgium
29 Mar 07
My parents have 10 children together, the youngest is now 4, the eldest 22, and I think they did rather well up till now with raising them. I don't believe there's an ideal number of children in general, my parents can cope perfectly well with 10, for some only 1 is already too much. It completely depends on the parents,and on the children too of course, because some will always be needing more attention and energy from their parents than others. I personally, don't think I'll ever want more than 2, but seeing as I was planning on having absolutely none a few years ago, I think you can't really plan that kind of thing. Your thoughts on that kind of matter will always change over time.
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
Hi jasmijn, thank you for your reply. Do you mind telling me your parent's secret to raising 10 kids by themselves? Any maids/helpers? What about laundry? Dishes? I'm sure everyone has their own task assigned? No one can get away with those attention seekers! LOL I have 2 of them at home. Subtle is just out of their vocabulary. I personally think having kids in a family is fulfilling. It's just another phase in life that you have to experience to learn. Thanks again! - Lyn
@lafavorito (2970)
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
big family - a picture of a big family
Hi Lyn. The number of children a married couple decides to have will depend on how much they are willing to work. My husband and I are planning for only 2 children, we already have 1 and we still don't have plans of having another soon because a toddler indeed is exhausting. One of the factors that we consider is our financial stability, it's very expensive to raise a child nowadays and we wouldn't want to deprive our child/ren the privelege of studying in a good private school, something we wouldn't be able to do if we have 5 children. The other factor is that I have scoliosis and my husband is afraid that my spine may not be able to handle the pressure of pregnancy and taking care of many children. I have 4 other siblings, yes there are times when we have lots of fun but more often than not you can find us fighting over something stupid. As for the age it will be best if the woman is over 20 years old, because a teenager is still immature and not ready for the responsibilities that a small baby brings. I had my son when I was 20 and I was overwhelmed by all the things that I need to do just to satisfy his needs. He's 2 now and I can tell that he appreciates all my hard work because whenever I look tired or pretend to look tired he would hug and kiss me.
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
Hi lafavorito, thank you for your reply. Private school is my choice as well. If the finances are spread too thinly, that will definitely be beyond reach for me as well. You know, i had my 1st boy when i was 28 and i was still overwhelmed. So much so that i had post partum depression! I had scoliosis when i was younger too! When i was about 9-10 yrs. But after a few months of check up, he discharged me. When were you diagnosed with scoliosis? Did you have to go through therapy? - Lyn.
@vogelvrij (196)
• Netherlands
29 Mar 07
I dont think there is an easy answer for your question. How many children is too many depends on too many different situations. Every household is different. Some families are so bonded and so well structured out that there is no problem for them having 4 or more kids. For other families being a family at itself with only 1 child is heavy enough. I count myself to the last group. We have 1 child. I have had severe medical conditions when I was pregnant. And so we decided to let the wish to have more kids go. Simply because we dont want me to get in severe medical conditions again. We are always saying to each other: we are so blessed having our son. We have enough. We are so happy having him. Its not a big problem getting ourselves transported toward anywhere. We can easily manage the finances because there is only 1 child.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
Hi vogelvrij, thank you for your reply. I sooo envy family that is well structured out. Do you have any tips on that? Medical condition is always an exception as nobody wants to hurt the mother. And you ARE RIGHT! You are truly blessed with your son. May GOD shower you with the best he has to offer! - Lyn
• India
29 Mar 07
The age for a woman to have kids would be less than 30 yrs. The number of kids to have in a family would be ideally 2-3. Afterall, kids are God's gifts and if we receive more they are what we deserve. Though families plan, there are many families where in they do not have the oppurtunity to have babies. When we are fortunate enough, accept everything with a smile from Him.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
Hi victory, about childless couples, i do feel for them. I personally know of a couple who had to try for 13 years to have a precious baby boy. I told them, GOD is never late. He's just waiting to see when you'll be ready. Thanks! - Lyn
@vanities (11351)
• Davao, Philippines
29 Mar 07
nope i dont plan of how many children should i have..i just have them when they come..at present ive got 4 children but have no regrets however for having them ..they are all grown up...
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
I'm impressed! Especially now that they are grown up, did you ever thought more would be better? Have you ever dreamt of having more than 4? By the way, just out of curiosity, how did you cope? Thanks! - Lyn
@jmp824 (741)
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
For me, to have many kids is fun and great, but at the same time very exhausting. But in our trend today that salary is low, dirty politics, not so safe environment to live and a lot more, i think the ideal kids to have is 3. If both parents is working, then it will suffice the familys needs. To have more kids means more income in the family so as not to suffer or sacrifice the familys basic needs and the wants. I say wants but with limits.
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
YUP! Many kids = Fun = Exhaustion. They simply go hand in hand, dont they? Finances and quality time seems to be the major concern for parents now. Thanks for your reply! - Lyn
@helen_hj (10)
• China
29 Mar 07
First, congratulate your SIL:p I want to have two babies, a son and a daught,and I hope I can give birth a baby boy first. I think one child or two or three children may be the ideal number of a family. Well that depends on the ability of the family. If you have a lot of time and a great deal of money, you can have more children than other families. And I think the best age of a woman to have a baby is around 25 to 30.
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
Thank you helen for your kind congratulatory note. I know exactly what you mean about the family's capability. I also think 25 to 30 is the best age for a pregnancy. Thank you for replying. Cheers! - Lyn
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
28 Mar 07
The ideal number of kids will very from person to person. I however, think that you should only have as many children as you can care for and support. I guess I sound harsh but if you are on welfare and the government (taxes) are paying for your kids you should not be having more kids. Women in this position should be trying to get work to support their kids not making more. There are others that have so many kids that one parent is working two or three jobs and not around just to put food on the table. This is leaving one parent to raise the kids and the other parent is too tired to have anything to do with the kids at all. The other thing is if you have so many kids that you can't get the grocery shopping done without having your kids running all over the store pulling things off the shelves and just generaly being unruley you should not have any more kids. My mom had me when she was 18 and I had my daughter when I was 25. There is no perfect number for having kids. The only thing is make sure you can afford them and that the man you pick is going to be around to help you raise the kids. There are so many mom's raising children alone and I can tell you that is not fun.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi sizzle and thank you for replying. Definitely no fun raising kids all alone by ourselves. It is a lot of hardwork. I had my first son at 28 and my second son at 30. I personally think kids now are different from when i was younger. Do you think it's the food we eat? *LOL* Cheers! - Lyn
@compumom (738)
• United States
28 Mar 07
One can be too many if you're unable to take care of the child. Some people have 9 children and are raising fine responsible young boys and girls. Other people may only have one, but if the parents are unable to teach and rear the child to become a responsible individual, then one is too many. I have two children and I think two is enough for my situation. A friend of mine has 6 and they are all wonderful children, but when I watch her I get exhausted.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi compumom, thank you for replying to my post. That is exactly what i meant - Exhaustion! Just by looking at my SIL handling 3 kids is tiring. My maternal aunt has 4 girls and my paternal uncle has 2 boys and 3 girls. Talk about pro-creation! - Lyn
@maximax8 (27048)
28 Mar 07
My sister has 4 children: a boy aged 10, a boy aged 6, a girl aged 4 and a baby girl aged 8 months. I think her life can be quite exhausting but she makes a wonderful mum. Her children mean the world to her. I have a boy aged 11 and am currently pregnant. I would like to have a girl after this, to complete my family. The best age to have a first baby is from the woman's early to late twenties. I think the early thirties is also quite a good time. After age 35 some women find it challenging to get pregnant. Some teenagers make good parents but many are just not ready at this age.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi maximax and thank you for replying. It feels great when you see a mother do a fantastic job with her children. And my best wishes to you for your current pregnancy as well as for the next one *wink* May GOD showers his blessings on you and your family! - Lyn
@rekkusu (603)
28 Mar 07
Well in my family i have 5 sisters and 3 brothers, and its not really that much trouble The older ones help look after the younger ones, and i look after everybody (im the oldest, but only 19, so not too old) But i have to say that there is no perfect amount of children, but big families are cool ;)
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi rekkusu, thank you for your reply. WOW!! I do envy you for having that many siblings. And i think your are amazing because you spend your time raising your siblings at 19 years old. I tip my hat off to you for doing a commendable job. I know it is no joke raising kids. May you be blessed with all the best things life has to offer! - Lyn
• Canada
28 Mar 07
I think the Number of children depend on the family. My Cousin as an example has 5 kids, all within a year and half of each other. So she is quite busy!! I think I want only 2 kids when that time comes.
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi heavenly, thank you for your reply. I have 2 kids and they are both boys aged 5 and 3. It is definitely better than 1! - Lyn
@Pluntt (232)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Mar 07
well children can be annoying but wat times you realize that you could never have enough of them. So basically i think that at time any is to many and other times there is never to many it all depends on the mood. But yes i would say i want about 3 because thats what i grew up with and it wasnt too bad.
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi Pluntt and thank you for your reply. I was also thinking about the 3rd child but i am over 30 now. I personally think that the risks are higher. However, i think it is better to have 2 siblings than 1. - Lyn
@mom_of_2 (399)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
There are so many factors to consider when planning your family. My hasband and I had decided how many kids to have before I got pregnant with my first. Age was our biggest deciding factor. I was 27 when we married and he was 28 In my opinion having children after 30 is not only risky but I like to consider what my age will be when when I have teenagers. The other factor for us was finances. I stand behind the theory that if you wait until you can afford children you never will but with that said a person has to consider things like dentists, and universtiy tuition. I have always thought 4 children was the perfect family (2 girls, 2 boys) but all the above reasons we chose to have 2. I have enough love in my heart for 100 kids but I also knew I wanted to be a stay home mom. 2 kikds is more offordable for my family and I'm able to follow my dream and stay home. I never have regreted that decision...God blessed me with a boy then a girl. I see large families and i wonder how much stress and ciaos must there be?
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi mom_of_2, thank you for replying. As you pointed out, age and finances are valid concerns. Medical and education costs have never decreased. You are so lucky to live your dream of a stay at home mum. May GOD showers his blessings on you and your family always! - Lyn
• India
28 Mar 07
there should be atmax 2 kids i think that is enough or u may say more than enough u r goin to start a family not an army, i guess. there should be a gap of more than 2 years btween the two kids........
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Hi mayankthebigm, guess what? I thought exactly that about 5 years ago. Now, my boys are 5 and 3. An army was never part of our dream book! *LOL* - Lyn
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
28 Mar 07
I think it's a personal decision for each family. I stopped at three, but I had a lot of problems when I gave birth to my last one and the doctor told me that having anymore could endanger my life. I think too, it depends on finances. I find it sad when couples have a lot of children and the children go without the basic necessities. I understand that some couples have religious beliefs that they follow when it comes to having children, but when someone can't take care of them, then they should use common sense.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
Thank you for your comments dlkuku. Yes it is personal. Did it affect you when you found out about your health condition? Common sense is an interesting point because it is as subjective as can be. As you pointed out, some children don't even have the basic necessities! :( - Lyn
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
I posted this one a couple of months ago...after friends of ours had their 9th (yes i said 9th) child - personally i think its crazy to have this many kids but eh, i dont have to pay the bills. Hubby and i have 2 girls as we didnt want to be out numbered by kids :-). I am an only child and found that to be rather lonely. My sister in law has 6 (4 biological ones that are older 17-24) and 2 adopted girls from china (1 & 4) and i wouldnt wanna do that either..... so i spose it is up to the individual...
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
OMG!!!! I just couldn't believe the 9th child part. Just like you, i personally think 1 child is way too few and it can get lonely especially when the parents passed away. Thank you for your comments. Cheers! - Lyn
@Abbyey (760)
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Doctors said to me once that the best age for women to conceive is between 24 to 30... sometimes 30 up takes a longer time to get pregnant. Ideal number of kids, i dont know if there is such. Personally, it will first depend on the two of you, how many can you raise in terms of providing their needs and most especially their education. If my husband can provide for all their needs and ours i would like to have 4 kids (2 girls and 2 boys). However if we are not sure if we can raise them having all their needs in life, then we will plan for 2 kids. For me having kids is GREAT and I LOVE KIDS, because I love kids i want them to have a GREAT future too. If you think you can raise 2 then thats ok, because you also need to be EMOTIONALLY agreeing to the number of kids you want. I hope you would have HEALTHY and BEAUTIFUL children in the "near future"? :P
1 person likes this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
28 Mar 07
Hi Abbyey, thank you for your reply. I heard my gynae said the same thing. The peak period for child bearing is about 24 - 30. Education is currently at the top of my list. A third of my salary goes to their education. I see it as more of an investment. Thank you also for your prayers. God bless you and your family! - Lyn