Showers

United States
March 29, 2007 1:56am CST
Ok, so I told myself that just because I can copy and paste, it doesnt mean I have to post a lot of jokes, but this one made me laugh a lot, so I wanted to share it too.:) HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN 1) Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks 2) Walk to bathroom, wearing long dressing gown, if meet husband along the way, cover exposed areas 3) Look at womanly physique in mirror, making mental note to do more situps 4) Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5) Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins 6) Wash hair again to make sure its clean 7) Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave in hair for 15 minutes 8) Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red 9) Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10) Rinse out conditioner from hair 11) Shave armpits and legs 12) Turn off shower 13) Squeegee off wet surfaces in shower. Spray mildew spots with Tilex. 14) Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel. 15) Check entire body for zits and tweeze hairs. 16) Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 17) If meet husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas AND NOW...... HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN 1) Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile 2) Walk naked to the bathroom. If meet wife along the way, shake member at her making "woo-woo" sound 3) Look in mirror, look at member and scratch your butt 4) Get in shower 5) Wash face 6) Wash armpits 7) Blow nose in hands and let water rinse them 8) Make fart noises, real or artificial and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9) Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area 10) Wash butt, leaving coarse hairs stuck on soap 11) Shampoo hair 12) Make Shampoo Mohawk 13) Pee 14) Rinse off and get out 15) Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of the tub the whole time 16) Admire member size in mirror again 17) Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light on 18) Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If meet wide, pull off towel, shake member at her and make 'woo-woo' sound again. 19) Throw wet towel on bed
5 people like this
23 responses
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
Hahahaha this s so funny. I like this joke my friend.Keep on posting lots of joke.LOL
3 people like this
• United States
29 Mar 07
I am glad you like it. I will definately post the ones that I just have to pass on. Like this one. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 07
This is hilarious and probably true in some ways. I usually take a shower for about 30 minutes and my husband can do it in 5 minutes. So, he has to go first or else risk running out of hot water when I go bathe first. Thanks for sharing this...very funny...=)
3 people like this
• United States
29 Mar 07
I agree that a lot of it is probably true. :) Though now that I have a baby, I too have the 5 minute shower down to a science, 3 if I dont have to shave my legs, LOL. Glad you liked it.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 07
Best copy and paste I've seen in a long time. Thanks so much for sharing it. :) It's amazing just how many of those descriptions fit my boyfriend, though we get out of the butt hairs on the soap by using body wash.
2 people like this
• United States
31 Mar 07
Thank you. I thought this one was too good not to share. I think it rings true for a lot of people. :)
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
29 Mar 07
Thank you this was so funny and after yesterday I need a lot of funny. I agree about the cut and paste, but I love long jokes and so I do cut and paste as well I am not a good joke teller but I do treasure jokes that are well told. Please keep cutting and paste if that what it takes I for one appreciate you efforts Regards Robin
• United States
31 Mar 07
Glad it brightened your day. :) I thought this one was too funny not to share.
@alen0224 (528)
• China
29 Mar 07
Lol, that is really funny and would probably happen to someone. Thanks for sharing. Let's go on: During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said," Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks." The bartender said," That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see money first." The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing." Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. " I'm a professional gambler," replied the man. The bartender said," There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?" " Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy. " Like what?" asked the bartender. " Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said. The bartender thought about it." Okay," he said. So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it." Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. " I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said," Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye. " Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender. " That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said," Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop." The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one." Okay, you're on," he said. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle. The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said," Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said," That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
2 people like this
• United States
31 Mar 07
That is very amusing. Thank you for sharing. :)
29 Mar 07
This is so funny and in some ways it can be so true
2 people like this
• United States
29 Mar 07
I think that is what makes it so funny. The truth thats there. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 07
Hahahahaha! This is so cute! It's so tue, too. i have heard my dad and bother do the fart noises and laugh and my ex used to show me his thing and go "woo woo!" at me. LOL!
2 people like this
• United States
29 Mar 07
It does seem to ring quite true with a lot of people. I am glad it gave you a chuckle. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 07
Typical man! That's so cute, though! LOL I love the part that says blow nose in hand and let water rinse it off LOL it reminds me of my dad, I can hear him in his room every morning doing just that! And the part that basically talks about leaving a huge mess! That's my boyfriend! Apparently all men are the same!! Oh yeah, and the fart noise (a real one!) then the laughter following it...my boyfriend, too! Most men are so immature when it comes to farts! Thanks for posting this, it was really cute!
2 people like this
• United States
29 Mar 07
Most of the men ones hold true in our house too. :) I am glad you liked it. :)
1 person likes this
@hoghoney (3749)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Well I am a woman but I guess that I take a shower like a man. I will strip off my clothes as I am walking throught the house to the bathroom and when I get in the shower I will wash my hair first and then yes I do pee in the tub and blow my nose in my hand and wash it off and make woo-woo sounds at my boyfriend andscratch my butt and sometimes make that funny little noise called a fart, LOL. and the whole time I am doing this taking a shower my boyfriends is in the shower with me and going woo-woo also.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 07
And that's the way to be!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
Actually I tend to take quicker showers than my husband. But I just loved the joke and had to share it. :)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
He he he. There goes another big difference between a man and a woman again. Yes, this is funny. Nice of you to have posted this. Many thanx for the joke.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
Not a problem. I am glad you liked it.
@NatureBoy (493)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
Oops, I think we guys just got exposed. LOL So true what you said. And its such a funny but true comparison. Kudos to you sharing. Ha ha
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
I am glad you liked it.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
30 Mar 07
This is so true about the men, my fiance has made the woo woo sound and I have found many wet towels on the bed. Thanks for posting this, it was absolutely hilarious!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
My aunt that I forwarded the joke to informed me that the woo woo sound is not necessarily limited to showers, that in fact any time that area of the male anatomy is exposed, that sound tends to accompany it. LOL.
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
so true!!! hahaha my bestfriend Miguel usually gets irritated coz I take almost an hour to take a shower. There was once he called me at home and invited me for pizza. I told him I'll just take a shower and that I won't be long. It turned out that it took longer than he expected. He fell asleep in the living room. haha
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
The truth is usually the funniest. I think thats why this joke made me laugh so much.
• United States
30 Mar 07
Oh how funny this is and,it can be so true. I have know the male shower to be as you stated.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
I am glad you liked it.
@chiquitita (1227)
• Indonesia
29 Mar 07
Oh..that is so funny! I still am laughing right now. Yeah..boys will be boys, but surely this world would be dull without them lol. Good one!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
I am glad you enjoyed it.
• United States
29 Mar 07
That is too funny. I seriously laughed til I cried.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
Me too the first time I read it. :)
• United States
29 Mar 07
loive this joke. so true.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
Glad you enjoyed it.
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
29 Mar 07
Oh dear...I laughed really hard on this one...and I used it for my blog. I'm sure to get some great comments from my audience. I remember when my hubby would do the whole snot thing...and I would find evidence of this action in the looms of our poofy sponge...GROSS! Now, in defense for the men, I have this thing about not wanting the long hairs go down the drain. So, I gather it all into my hands and roll it into a ball...then toss it over the curtain. Sometimes it goes into the garbage, sometimes it doesn't. When I'm really lazy, we'll have hairballs here and there in the bathroom.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
It is a funny joke. I think because it rings so true.
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
29 Mar 07
My sister sent me tat joke a couple months ago and it was just as funny now as it was then! I swear hte only thing I haven't seen my hubby do is the "Shampoo mohawk" and that is only because he keeps his military cut!! LOL Thanks for the laugh today moon! I needed it!
• United States
31 Mar 07
Glad it made you laugh again. I laugh every time I read it. I thinks its funny because its true. :)
• United States
29 Mar 07
hahahhaha it's really a funny jokeand to some extent it's true.cute one:-)
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
I am glad you liked it. :)