Report cards.. How do you deal with it

United States
March 29, 2007 12:10pm CST
I had to go to the school last night. I heard so many good things about my daughter. About how sweet she is,very helpful to others. However due to the harassment and fights she had to deal with. I was very upset to see straight C's down the line. Then F in math. I know if I had not gone off in that school,I would not have had this mess end. The teacher said she was given an F because she missed so much class time. I spoke with the principal as well. She was threatened so much. 50 girls waited out side to jump her over a lie. The school did nothing,my daughters self worth is down the drain. All the teachers say she is begging to be excepted in the wrong crowd. She is the nerdy type so she gets picked on. I am lost with anger over this. I just talked to my daughter really well. I explained her self worth is much more valuable just being herself. Please tell me what your views are she is on my lot often. I would love for her to read this. Thanks
4 people like this
16 responses
• Singapore
29 Mar 07
I am so sorry to read this... To you who be the daughter: don't feel discouraged. Never for once doubt your self-worth. You are here not by chance and you have your own destiny to live. Be confident, know what is right and do it. If you want to continue studying, don't waste your time there. Study hard, score well, make real friends. Don't forget you can always confide in your Mum if you need advice or opinion. To you who be the mother: don't feel discouraged too. Your daughter has her own life to lead. You cannot shelter her forever. Let her decide what is right and wrong, and guide her to do the right thing when she comes to you for advice.
3 people like this
• United States
29 Mar 07
I thank you so much for this great advice. I am trying to get my daughter through a tough time. I will however have to step back. let her make some things happen on her own. I feel this is giving up on my daughter. Thanks very much.
@Kaeli72 (1231)
• United States
30 Mar 07
a +
• Canada
29 Mar 07
Is it at all possible for your daughter to change schools? If 50 girls were waiting to jump her and the school did absolutely nothing, then you...and your daughter...have a huge problem. Your daughter's self worth is extremely important. I am surprised, however, that you called her the nerdy type. I guess I was a nerd in that I loved math but I definitely never looked the part and I joined most of the school teams. I would encourage you to help your daughter with her appearance if that is why you are saying she is the nerdy type. Update her hairstyle, her glasses, her clothes. She definitely should not join a crowd that doesn't fit her standards but has she considered other groups in the school? There are usually so many groups one can join and I encourage her to consider some of them even if she has shied away from them before. Clubs such as Drama, sports, debating, etc. spring to mind. Encourage your daughter to spread her wings. Not only will she make friends but she will have fun doing so. And, if your daughter is shy, I have the perfect trick for her. What she needs to do is pretend she is on stage acting the part of a girl who has tons of self confidence and many friends. It is amazing how well this little trick works.
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 Mar 07
Oh, as for the report card, I would let that one slide because of everything that was going on. If the school won't help you with regards to the marks, then there is really nothing you can do and I would hate to see you punish your daughter for it considering everything she was undergoing at the time. I say this to you as a retired teacher. Concentrate on the present and future. Help your daughter with catching up and raising her marks. I know she can do it! And if those teachers are too lazy to help her after school, then complain. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 07
My daughter karisma - karisma
Oh I did not mean she looks like a nerd. I mean she is more into reading,playing school etc. She is even now wearing contacts. I don't have this kind of nerd issue. when she is in school the group of kids she gets along with are the book loving kids. This is what started the name calling and,picking. Then to fit in she started hanging with the no good kids. They hang in the malls after school. On the corners,bothering other people. My daughter would go to the library everyday after school. I would go to look in on her. she was the only one in the study room. The rest of the kids were hugged up in the corner out side. They called her all sorts of names. one day this boy thought I was a student,he was so rude to me.
• Canada
30 Mar 07
Ah, she is beautiful. Has she considered other activities as well as reading? Reading is wonderful but it is best to be well rounded if possible. Reading, studying and some other activity to help her get to know more people would be ideal.
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17870)
• United States
29 Mar 07
That is a really difficult situation to deal with. Personally, if I knew the school was treating my child like that I would be making phone calls and setting up meeting to talk to everyone from the Principal all the way to the top of the School District. I would petition to have my child transferred to another school or placed in private school, if that was not an option I would home school. School is hard enough without the environment causing the child stress. I would let the low grades slide with minor punishment and put in more time with her going over homework and what was taught in class.
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17870)
• United States
30 Mar 07
We are just going to appear at my sons school tomorrow with no appointment. He is having problems with the teacher not doing anything about kids that are pushing him into bushes, calling him a nerd, etc. The principal is new and she is suppose to be the best in the school district but as the year has worn on, she is making poor decisions and responding to insignificant issues. It is to the point where he doesn't want to go to school because of it. He is an honor roll student and I would hate to see this get in the way of him of doing good school. I wish I could home school him, but unfortunately I have to work right now and I can't put him in private school with less than two months left to the school year.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 07
I want to send my daughter to NY altogether. I had to do this before 2 separate years. I would not want to keep moving her around. I Know your upset about this. Your going to have to be calm so you don't get in any trouble. I will be going to the board of ed if another situation arises. :)
@avonrep1 (1863)
• United States
30 Mar 07
giftsandbagscom, I am so sorry to hear of all the trouble your daughter is having. Your daughter is being bullied and that is not acceptable. The school should be protecting her from this and every student they have. It is too bad they don't though. I was going through a situation similar to this. My child was being punched by other students, not doing anything about it, except tell and she got kicked out of school for it. I had enough of it. I withdrew my children from public school. (there were other reasons besides bullies) My kids love being homeschooled. They do more work now than what they did in public school. They get the one on one help when they need it. They don't have to worry about being bullied anymore and each have excelled a grade level above where they were at in public school. It seems to me you might want to research this option yourself. Our children need to be educated, but that can't happen when your child is being bullied. They are scared and worried about being picked on and can't focus on their studies. Good luck and I hope that things work out for you. Look at all your options. Also talk to your daughter about it, she what she thinks. FYI, kids that are homeschooled can get into college without a highschool diploma, all that is required of them is to take the SATs.
• United States
30 Mar 07
I was going to do this a few years back. I found i could not afford those books and I got real stressed. I also did not know much about how to do this. She is now in the 7th going to the 8th. I thought she needed to be with kids her own age. Is there a website for info on this.
@creematee (2810)
• United States
30 Mar 07
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. You have received some really good advice from the posters here, so I will not post anything new. Just letting your daughter know that you are behind her, you will defend her, no matter what happens is the best that you can do. It's sad that the school won't take action toward it. I hope that the situation will get resolved quickly, for both of your sakes. Sending love and prayers your way. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 07
Thanks creematee , I am so happy to know so many options are out there. This is why I will always love mylot. I can get all the help I will ever need. Thanks
@kurtbiewald (2629)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Make a nice stable home life for her then help her with her homework also make your house a place where friends are welcome and want to visit, then you can check out the potential friends if they were gonna jump her over a lie, get the truth out instead her self worth has to come from herself, and from strong caring loving parents reassuring her how good she is, so when she is 20 at a keg party, feeling lonely, she won't doubt her self worth and be stupid then
• United States
30 Mar 07
At the report card night they finally found out it was a lie. They just never card to find out as they all were Haitians. Now the issue was. This haitian boy in her class said" karisma said she don't like Haitians". The whole class was Haitian along with the teacher. The kids formed a large crowd to jump her. The teacher never said anything and,I totally know he assumed she said it. She has friends that are Haitians as well as my best friend. She would not say this. After this her math grade went down. I told the teacher he never tried to find out if she said it. I Let him know she told me how he treats her and,never helps her with her math. Then I told him she has every right to an education no matter how he feels about her. So I will see how things go since they Now believe her. :)
• Canada
30 Mar 07
It is admirable that you love your daughter so much you want to explain things to her but I wonder if you spend an equal amount of time listentng to her feelings and point of view as well. Her perspective may be different from yours and so maybe her opinions.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 07
Yes we always talk about her feelings. I also take it very serious. This is why she is no longer on those adhd medications. I am the only one here with her it is very hard. I have to hear her every word and sometimes I have to not give my opinion as she is not looking for it. :)
@KissThis (3008)
• United States
30 Mar 07
A few months ago my daughter was going through a situation like this.I first took the matter to her teahcer would said she would handle the situation.A couple of days later my daughter came home crying about being cornered in the bathroom. The next day I went to the school to have a conversation with the principal , he again reassured me that he would handle the situation. About a week later my daughter came home to let me know that several girls were now hitting her during recess.This time when I went to the school to talk to the principal I demended that there be a meeting held between the other parents and myself. This was on Tuesday on Friday we held the meeting. I explained everything to the parents htat was being done to my daughter. I went on to say that I was hoping that they would help me in dealing with this situation.Do you know that the school never contacted the other parents to let the know about the situation? It might be in your childs best interest to contact the other childrens parents to see if they would be willing to help you out. Most parents don't want their child to be acting in that way.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 07
The school told me the parents would be called. It never happened. I don't know any of these parents. I don't even know the kids. I did threaten to call the News station if it happened again. It all came to a stop. With the 50 girls.
@winterose (39913)
• Canada
30 Mar 07
well when my son was young and beaten up on the bus I had the principal tell me he was nothing he could do about it until I sent a letter to the school saying if they didn't do anything about it I was bringing in the police, they did something fast. They found the kids involved and suspended them. Other option is to change schools if you can.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 07
My daughter was beat on the bus her first year in Miami.I had to go to that school the next day. Not only was she sitting on the bus alone. She was hit from behind in the face with a hair scarf. The bus driver never said a word about it. I can't move right now. I was just homeless before getting in this place. it's hard to find a good place to live. I don't want to move from here no time soon.
@Kaeli72 (1231)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Wow...a great topic...definately worth a + Now, as far as your daughter's situation...let's assume here that transferring her is not an option. I'd take her to a woman's shelter where they have girls there who have small children, then I'd take her to the juvie jail, then to MacDonal's, then to the hospitals and finally, to a cemetary. Girls who are like the ones she's trying to get into are nothing but trouble. If she doesn't keep her mind focused on school, her life will go down the drain and what she could have been will only be a daydream to her. We want so much more for our darling children. Our children have drilled into their heads that G-d and school are VERY important. They are so important that we read 5 chapters of psalms and one chapter of Probvers a day. Why? Every single one of the "self help" and "self esteem" books you'll ever find are derived from those two books. If you do go that route, understand that the book of Probverbs will seem rather harsh towards women. I guess you can just look at it in the way that if you don't live right, you can be like what it mentions. What's more important: to be stuck with a group of girls who probably have no interrest in you at all and will more than likely send not only the grades down, but her self respect OR to stay away from them and hang out with the rest of the "nerdy types" and learn from them. Look at Bill Gates...Class A1 nerd but oh so wealthy and respected.
• Pakistan
30 Mar 07
well i show my report cards to my family because i always got good marks in them
• India
30 Mar 07
hi friend's not yet in your friend list but just nxt moment i willl...anyway i would like to say when my report card's are to be announced i use to keep my hand's on my ear's that's not hear all that...sometimes i get failed in physic's...but not in math's ever..as i'm under engg gegree right now ..well you people you in which standard...well just tell your friend not to get upset..bcoz in life this all keep going ...tell your friend to tell their parent's that i will work hard nxt time and this all won't be repeated again hope she will not get punished.....tell her to really study enen once a day..not more atleat one hour daily..it's more then enough..as i think you two are quite intelligent...as you are using mylot...hope u and your friend will get agood mark's in your coming exam's...bye tc...work hard....and enjoy your life with full volume.....
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
I feel sorry for your daughter.Well, you must not lost hope instead always try to encourage your daughter.Spend some time with her and have some fun.Your daughter needs you now and I think that really matters that you are always there at her side.God Bless my friend.
@paulnet (748)
• India
30 Mar 07
Give your daughter your time to sort out everything if she is having some problems in studies. I'm sure everything work out after discussing it with your daughter.
• India
30 Mar 07
Well. I say join your daughter in tae kwon do, it helped me a lot, i'm sure it will help her as well. Tae kwon do helps build self discipline and respect to self and others. I think tae kwon do is great.
@Munira (484)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I would go above the principal's head to get action. I had a similar situation with my oldest daughter. I took the proper channels all the way to the city's mayor. The principal resigned eventually. Counseling or a Big Sister program may help with your daughter's self esteem.