How long should you be together before you marry?

@KissThis (3006)
United States
March 30, 2007 6:58am CST
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years now. For the past 5 years or so I have been asked on a weekly basis when are we getting married?We know that we are commited to each other and plan on one day getting married.But I was wondering why people assume that you need a pice of paper to show that we are commited to one another?
4 people like this
28 responses
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
30 Mar 07
The question is why not marry? If you have been together for 6 years and he has been asking you for five, how do you think this makes him feel? You may think that you both know that your commitment is strong, but if he felt the same way, why would he continuously ask you to make it legal? If your commitment is that strong to one another, why not marry? There are many legal reasons to protect you as a family unit, insurance, your future childrens protection, if he were to die, God forbid, you would have absolutely no protection under the law. The government could take you through probate court and this could take years to recover. Marriage is the ultimate commitment, it is both legal and right in the eyes of God. He may want to do this to proclaim his love for you and celebrate your commitment to each other in front of friends and family. So, why not? You say that you plan on one day getting married, but, when will this one day come? Really think about the reasons why you are not as intent on marriage as he is. I had a situation in which I was in a relationship and we were together for quite some time. He asked me to marry him several times and I thought we were very committed to each other. He ended up leaving because he felt that I was not as committed to the relationship as he was, he felt that I didn't want to marry him because he wasn't good enough. He made the statement, he was good enough to live with but not good enough to marry. I really and truly hope this doesn't happen to you. My personal opinion is, don't marry unless you are absolutely committed to making it legal and you really want to. Some relationships work out great as just partners as long as both parties know and agree that this is what they want to do. So, think about this, I just wanted to give you a different opinion. I hope you don't take offense!
2 people like this
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I didn't take ant offense to what you wrote to me. I honestly wanted peoples opinions and advice.To be honest with you he didn't ask me to marry him until this year.But it was because I pointed out to him a while back that I couldn't marry him until I was finished legally adopting my boys other wise if we married before I finished the adoptions then we would have to start back at the beginning of the process. I had never really thought of the legal aspects either though I must admit.Learning some of the things you have told me has helped some. We were actually planning on getting married at the end of this summer.I appreciate the words of wisdom that you have shared with me.
3 people like this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Thanks so much for being so understanding. Some people don't take opinions well, but I don't want to be offensive. This makes more sense now that you revealed the adoption process for your children. I wish you much luck and congratulations on the adoption!
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
31 Mar 07
Thanks for the best response rating. I am flattered and appreciate it greatly!
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Jun 07
I believe that it is different for each couple to decide when the appropriate time for them to get married is . My husband and I were together for almost ten years before we got married and that was how we looked at it at the time was that it was just a piece of paper and a huge bill and for what , to say that we were commited and would always remain together . We did get married though and I have to say it is kind of nice saying he is my husband and not my fiancee or boyfriend and I like the idea that I have the same last name as my children lol .
1 person likes this
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
2 Jun 07
I agree that is different for each couple. And I agree with it would be nice to call him my husband instead of always saying fiancee or boyfriend. I won't be changing my last name when we marry because I don't want a different last name then what they have.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
29 May 07
Personally I dont think marriage is even necessary really...I mean look at ppl like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell..they've been happily together for over 20 yrs and havent gotten married..same with Gene Simmons (from KISS) and his lady, they've been happily UNmarried for 20 yrs as well....Honestly I think marriage in todays world is highly overrated...why jinx yourself ya know..thats how I see it...I am married mind you but much like marriage is overrated, so is traditional relationships which is WHY my husband and I mesh so well...
1 person likes this
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
2 Jun 07
LOL. I like your view point. I once brought up to my fiancee that "The Dog" and Beth Chapman weren't married and they have been happily together for 16 years. What do we see on TV last night. An interview were they said that they got married last year after speaking to Gene Simmons. I decided to give in an get married at the end of this summer.
@easy888 (10405)
• Australia
29 May 07
Hell,kissthis,I think there is no definite answer for this question,some couples may have just into relationship for few months and then get married,others may have dating for ten years before marriage.As long as you are sure your partner is the Mr/Miss Right,and you have preparation about getting married,it will be fine. You may need to plan your expense well as you will have more expenses after marriage or even having children.
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
29 May 07
That is what my thoughts on the subject. Everyone is different and we should respect their wishes on this subject. Thanks for responding.
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
There's no specific time frame. It really depends on the couple.
1 person likes this
• Uganda
31 Mar 07
Very true.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 07
i know the feeling my boyfriend and been together 6 yrs and same thing happens to us we have little girl and everyone ask when are we getting married i agree with you
1 person likes this
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
29 May 07
I think that it is a personal choice. Only you and your partner can really decided when and if you are ready to get married. There is nothing set in stone that saids you have to get married. You can always get papers drawn up by a lawyer giving each other legal rights if either one of you were to pass away before the other. I know several people who assume that you have to be married to be happy. Its not true.
1 person likes this
• India
29 May 07
Hi Kiss This! I think one year is sufficient time to understand a person. You don't need a piece of paper to prove your commitment. You should get married when you think you are ready and not at the insistance of others.
1 person likes this
@inovator (603)
• Philippines
31 Mar 07
it depends upon the two of you if you really feel that want to be together and you have capability to settle down,,,then why not.....
1 person likes this
@magnel (2263)
• India
31 Mar 07
There is no time limit for being together before you get married, however we live in a society which follows certain rules for well being of everyone living together, so we have to follow certain rules of having marriage on paper. What comes to my mind is if you are committed then why not make it legal and a more valid relationship in the eyes of the society.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
31 Mar 07
whew..i think needn't there pice of paper to show your commit. coz all commited have planted in live of each couple n long or short time in relation love is no problem
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
31 Mar 07
well ther is specific time period but i think you should be together until you know each other very well
1 person likes this
• India
31 Mar 07
Its true that its only a piece of paper to show to the world but if you are so committed then why dont you gat married, or else talk to him that you are not ready.
@neon2000 (2761)
• Philippines
31 Mar 07
It is not a matter of how long you are together but How ready you are to start a family life. If you are together for a very long time but not yet ready to raise a family, both are going to suffer in thier marriage. You should first built a strong and secured life for your family.
@shadyone2 (129)
• Australia
31 Mar 07
i feel it up to you and your boyfriend when and if you marry. at this point in time you both seem happy with the ways things are going. i just hope you both nothing but the best for your relateship.
1 person likes this
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
31 Mar 07
well at the moment, im sort of in that position, because these people keep annoying us about getting married we have been together 3 yrs next month, and well we want to marry when we want to and when we feel as though we can have the wedding we want due to having enough money and things. my partner and i are committed anyway and we know it will happen one day. so not to worry about those people asking you, im getting use to them asking us all the time and really none of their business, half these people i wont be inviting anyway lol
1 person likes this
@setylon (86)
• China
31 Mar 07
There is not special time.But to me,I will get marry after I have a good job,because I have to earn much moner to support my family.
1 person likes this
@denden (803)
• Philippines
31 Mar 07
I think there is no alloted time for you both to get married as long as you really know each other, enjoy each others company, really really love each other and financially and emotionally stable. For me,it is really important that a woman get married to church because its very sacred and its the time that you made your promises infront of the priest or when many hears and see you made promised.
• United States
31 Mar 07
I new my husband for 5 years before married him but only lived with him for 1 1/2.We got married for us and are two kids
• United States
31 Mar 07
I don't think you are committed to your boyfriend. If you've been together that long and don't want to make a permanent commitment, then I'm not sure you really want to do so. And, marriage isn't about a piece of paper. It's about two people standing before God and their family and friends and making vows to each other to be there for one another for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, most people don't take those vows very seriously anymore and many are afraid to make those vows in the first place. So, which are you? Are you too afraid to make yourself accountable to this man or do you simply not want to commit the rest of your life to him?
1 person likes this