Phone call at odd hours

United States
March 30, 2007 10:28am CST
Being a mother and a homemaker, I usually have very little time for myself. After I put my son to sleep during the afternoon, I take my bath, have lunch and sit in front of the television. This is the only time that I have for myself. I have a friend who calls me during this time and would keep on talking for a long time almost everyday. I don't want to be rude but how can I tell her politely that I need this time for myself and would appreciate it if she called when my son is at school or his dad is around to take care of him so that I can talk with her freely? Please help. Thanks in advance.
2 people like this
17 responses
30 Mar 07
I have two incredibly useful things on my phone. One is an answering machine, and I simply let most calls after 9pm go through to the answering machine. The second gadget is a service provided by British Telecom (I'm a Brit, BTW) called Caller ID. This displays the number of the person calling me, so all I need to do is look at the console of my phone and I can see if the call is from someone that i wish to talk with. Otherwise they go through to the machine. My close family know that after 9pm is not a good time to call me, so if they do call at that time (and I can see it's them from the Caller ID display) then I know it's important! Perhaps you could suggest to your friend that a later hour would be better, and after making that suggestion, just let her calls go through to the machine. Alternatively, and you might not feel comfortable about this - pick the cal up and say that you will call her back later.
• United States
30 Mar 07
That was a very good suggestion. Thank you very much. I have answering machine in my phone too but I don't have caller ID. I guess I have to install the same as quickly as possible and get to know who is calling at odd hours without actually picking up the receiver. That way, I won't have to hurt her feelings and I can avoid a forced conversation. Thank you very much once again.
1 person likes this
@gbolly54 (662)
• Nigeria
30 Mar 07
How considerate you are to others but not to yourself! There appears no big deal in politely explaining, as you have posted here, to the odd-hour-caller friend of yours. Afterall, she is your friend, whom you are supposed to be free with. Simply remark to her that you have always appreciated her calls, but that you would be able to enjoy the conversations better at so and so time, giving the reasons you have specified. You are not asking her not to call you again, which would have been more complicated.
• United States
30 Mar 07
Thank you very much. What you said is very true. I should try to be more free with her and share with her how I feel about her odd-time calls. I am sure she will understand, she is a mother too. Otherwise, I'll have to call her up during her lunch time and continue calling up till the day she finally gets the message. I am not sure if I can do that really, since I know how it feels like to be disturbed at a peaceful moment. I don't want to lose a friend.
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5904)
• United States
30 Mar 07
You know, I am also a mother, and homemaker, I have 2 small children, and it seems as soon as I get a second for lunch, or whatever, someone calls, I also have a friend who calls, and talks and talks, and I know how you feel, I suggest just saying do you mind if I call you back, I just put down my son. and have finally got a chance to sit down for lunch. And say that a few times, and maybe she'll get the point and realize that that isnt a good time to call you. And if not, just dont answer the phone at that time, if you know it is her.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Mar 07
Yes, this happens to me almost everyday when I finally find time to sit down with my lunch plate. I often do not pick up the phone but then, I think it might be an important call from my husband and I get up to reach for the phone. I'll try to say that I'll call her back and that too, very politely, so that she can understand that her time to chat is not always my time to talk. Thank you very much for your suggestion.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 07
All you can do is be completely honest with her. Let her know that is your only "me time" and you need it so you can unwind and deal with the trials and tribulations of motherhood and being a wife. Let her know that you are happy to talk to her when your son is at schoool or your husband is there to wach him. She SHOULD understand. If not, you have done your best an you have been really nice about it and she can just get over it.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Next time you talk to her keep the phone call limited dont talk to long. Then next time she calls do that again. And keep doing that and I think she will take the hint it always works.LOL
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I am in the same situation. What i have finally done is during nap time i take the phone off the hook. I tell my friends that I do this so it won't wake up the kids, but i actually do it so i can have a few moments of peace and quiet.
1 person likes this
@Carrie26 (1587)
• United States
30 Mar 07
It always seems some one is calling me when I am takin gcare of my two children or doing chores.I am a Homemaker too.I know the telemarketers make me mad when they call and they hear children in the background and I tell them that I have to go because I have got to tend to my children.And then some proceed to talk on and I hang up.I know that they have a job to do and thats their job but I have things to tend to as well.If usually a friend or my mom calls,ect,I will ask them if I can call them back later on when everything settles down.I also tell the friend or family that calls me that can I call them back .Usually the say sure that is fine and let me go.I would just be honest with her.Any friend that is a friend I feel would understand you needing time to yourself.I know if a friend told me that or asked me if they could call me later ,I wouldnt have a problem with it.
• Canada
31 Mar 07
it is really anoying to get phone call when at leisure. You can indirectly inform her that someone is making call and you don't like that.
• Canada
31 Mar 07
I have this problem and I also have a very simple solution. I don't answer the phone. If you have a cell phone, you could ask your family to call you on that if they need to be in touch with you at a certain time, and then when you sit down in front of the television in the afternoon or whenever, turn the phone ringer off on the home phone. My family live overseas and so I know that they'll only be calling me between certain hours. My partner always calls me on my cell phone and so do my kids school teachers if they need me for anything, so if the phone rings after 2pm in the afternoon, I refuse to answer it. I either let it ring, or turn the ringer off completely. Maybe you could ask your friend nicely if she would maybe call at a different time. If she refuses to listen, then don't pick the phone up lol.
@rahulmig (1032)
• India
31 Mar 07
never happened to me yet
• Philippines
31 Mar 07
Remember that giving time for yourself is much more important than keeping the house or any work you do for the matter. It is important that you tell your friend how much this time means to you and you really would like some peace and quiet. If she don't understand, then she is not a friend. For me it is better to tell them straight on the face rather than giving out excuses or not answering the phone. It gives you peace. =)
@cute125 (101)
• Australia
31 Mar 07
This is a common problem. you can try and ignore the calls and she might get the message. However its better to be upfront about such things. give her a time she can call and tell her its not a convenient time to call. I am sure she hasnt given it a second thought and would not be offended. I hope that helps.
@txwoman36 (173)
• United States
31 Mar 07
i think you should say something and being your friend she should understand. if she calls and dont want to talk then just ask her to call back around a certain time. i dont blame you for wanting sometime to yourself. im not a parent but i know being a mom is a full time job.
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
31 Mar 07
hmmmmmmmmmm you should be nursing that son I think instead of gabbing with that woman got milk?
• United States
31 Mar 07
I would just say "This really isn't a good time right now, but how about you give me a call back tomorrow around "x" time, I would love to hear from you then"
@y4175317 (204)
• Indonesia
31 Mar 07
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@cjthedog64 (1553)
• United States
30 Mar 07
We just don't answer the phone if we don't want to talk to anyone. They can leave a message if they want. And if it's an emergency, people will call our cell phones anyways. We only have caller ID on the cells, but I don't feel bad about not answering. Your friend probably enjoys relaxing on the phone and doesn't understand that you don't. Let her know you'll call her back later, but you just can't talk right now. Then, don't answer.