At what age would you/did you have children?

Australia
March 31, 2007 9:54am CST
I am curious, Although I am quite young, I believe my partner and I are both mentally and psyically ready for having children (Not that we want any just yet) I mean, We have been together for three years, getting married soon, will buy our first house sometime next year and are very good with our debt. When did you know it was ready for you to have kids? What did you feel inside? How do you know?
4 people like this
17 responses
• United States
31 Mar 07
I waited till I was 37 to start trying, and then had my twins at 40. I wouldn't wait that long if I had it to do all over again, but I never regretted waiting till I was out of my 20s.
• Australia
31 Mar 07
I am always afraid that I am going to regret it if i do it now or too late. The thought has been stressing me out for a while now. Did the feeling to have children come naturally?
• United States
31 Mar 07
I always knew I would be a mom, but in my 20s I didn't feel stressed about it at all.
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
3 Apr 07
This answer if from a very old-fashioned, old lady. Please do not consider having children until after you are married. I know some people think it's just a piece of paper and no big deal, etc., but unless you two are willing to take that step of committment to each other, I would say you are not ready to take a step of committment to a child. And having a child is a BIG committment! It means putting someone else ahead of yourself and even each other, 24/7, for the next 18-20 years. It means you can't go where you want, when you want. It means you won't have the money to spend that you had before. It means changing your daily and nightly schedule to work around a third person. A child changes your life completely! If you have any dreams you have to put them on the shelf. If you really enjoy just being with each other, know that there will be someone else to interfere with all those private moments. Don't get me wrong. Having a child is wonderful. But it is a huge responsibility that many people underestimate. Having said all that, if I had stopped to think too long about having children, I probably would never have had them!!!And I'm glad I did!
@Gemmygirl1 (2871)
• Australia
1 Apr 07
I had my 1st baby last year - i was 2 months off of turning 25. I think it worked out well coz we already have a house, we'd been together for 8 years (2 months before she was born) & my partner had a steady job & we were doing well! My daughter was a surprise (as in, not planned to the day) but we had been trying for a while so she was a wonderful surprise!
• Australia
1 Apr 07
That sounds almost perfect! I hope when I have children it will be a suprise for our family too! My partner is in the army and he wants to get out before we have children! Fingers crossed :)
• United States
1 Apr 07
Hi, I was 19 when I had my fisrt child and 21 with my second one. They are 2 and 4 now. I am 23 myself. I was mentally stable. I was not financially stable, but it all worked out well. I am just now being able to get on my feet with the whole money arrangements. I have to say with both of mine being girls it is much less expensive due to the fact that they are the same size and share clothes, shoes and toys. I am currently in college. I think that if I would have waited until after I completed college and had a good paying job that things would be better. But I am very happy with my kids, they are great. I am glad that I had them when I did.
• Australia
1 Apr 07
wow! you have certainly accomplised a lot! I see by your name you do surveys, do you get good money from them?
@carlaabt (3506)
• United States
1 Apr 07
I had my son at 23. I was married, and we were pretty stable financially. We have some debt, like one of the cars and a couple of student loans, but no real credit card debt (we didn't have any when our son was born, it's come since then from an emergency trip). We knew we both wanted children while we were still young. We would like to have four kids, and my husband wants to still be young when the last one is born, because his dad was in his mid 30's when he was born, and never did anything with him. That was our main motivation.
• United States
1 Apr 07
I had my first child at 25 by the time I was 30 I had my fourth child. I always knew I wanted children and a large family because I have 7 siblings. Four to me wasn't a big family. When I was 41 and 44 I had my last two children. I still am very active with my younger two. Plan on being so as long as they need me.(By the way I'm married to their father who has always been involved with his children.)
• United States
31 Mar 07
I want to have children as soon as I have a husband and a stable income. I want to have them younger because I want to be able to have fun with them and not worry about feeling old.
• Australia
1 Apr 07
I feel very much the same! I am also worried that if we have kids when our income stablizes it will suddenly go down hill! I also want to have them at a younger age so I can be fit enough to keep up with them!
@lightningMD (5937)
• United States
31 Mar 07
i had my daughter at 17 my son at 19... kinda young i know but i wouldnt have changed it...they are great kids...now i have grandkids and i'm still young enough to really enjoy them...
• Australia
31 Mar 07
It is really good to hear your experience about being a young mom! My friend is 19 and is pregnant with her first child and is loving every minute of it so far!
31 Mar 07
I didn't have my first daughter until I was 27 but I know I would have been ready to be a mum when I was in my early 20's. I think each person is different and whether you are ready to have a child is your own personal feelings. If you are in a good financial situation and are very much in love then that is a better foundation than a lot of children have.
• Australia
31 Mar 07
Did you have the urge to have them or just decided you were going to have them? Have you regretted having childen? Sorry for all the questions but I would love to get as many opinions from moms as possible. I know I get "Clucky" when I see moms with there bubs, but I don't know the difference between feelings!
• United States
12 Feb 08
Sounds like you are on the right track. Sounds like you have a good plan. I would give it some more time. Get married, move into that house and just enjoy eachother for a bit longer. Keeping the debt down is a big plus and a stress reliever. The time will come when you both feel content but yet you can't help but feel there is something missing.....that is most likely the yearning for a child kicking in. You'll know it soon enough.(you start to look at babies more, baby items, birth shows, etc. Just keep the lines of communication open in your relationship. Sometimes the feeling hits one partner sooner then the other so talk it out and be patient. I married at 19 and yerned for a child from the beginning. Husband didn't get the yearning until 2 years later. It was a long wait and a hard one, but I knew we had to work together on this issue or it could damage our marriage.Being a parent is a scary thing for most people especially men. But hey, it does get easier after the first one is here. At least I thought so. Good luck on your relationship and future.
@Kalikala (433)
• United States
10 Apr 07
I am 25, and don't have any yet. I would like to wait at least five more years. For one, I want to be married for a few years before bringing kids into the family (I am not married yet). Also, I would like to have a decent savings built up to be able to pay for all of the extra expenses! I would also like to enjoy the freedom of being able to travel without worrying about kids for a while longer.
@ladyljs (1303)
• United States
7 Apr 07
in my 20's i swore i'd never have them. by the time i hit 30, i felt like the biological clock was ticking and then whatever i did, didn't work! i thought that we would never get pregnant. We didn't try any medical procedures, just left it to God. Then at 35, i found out i was pregnant with twins! i Was scared and shocked! Handling 1 was going to be hard enough at my age...now there's gonna be 2? We did it though...even with my husband leaving for 8-10 weeks at a time for his job, we got through it. Now i am a widow and i still have my precious 9 year olds. A girl and a boy. they are the light of my life and i wouldn't trade them for the world! You will know when the time is right. Get your priorities straight...good jobs, decent home, stable loving environment then babies. Good luck to you!
@Bee1955 (3887)
• United States
3 Apr 07
My daughter, me and 1st grandchild - 3 ladies
Congratulations! You've done very well with your reasoning. However, I, was 15 when I became pregnant (I was married at 14 1/2) and it was tooooooo soon. But I am the proud grandmother of 3 today because my daughter (my only child) listened to me and waited to begin until she was 23 and settled in her marriage.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
3 Apr 07
none of my pregnancies were planned actually....but here are the ages with my ex: 22 y/o - miscarriage 23 y/o - son 24 almost 25 - daughter 26 miscarriage with my husband 28 1/2 - son (now deceased) 29 - abortion It wasnt a matter of "knowing" I was ready...I got preg, was thrilled end of story...even with the one I aborted I was thrilled but ended up having to abort.....I've always wanted lots of kids but hindsight 20/20 and if I'd gotten preg any younger than what i did, I would have managed but i dont think I would have been really ready, especially in my teens...
@louiselai (181)
• Philippines
2 Apr 07
If you believe that your emotionally ready then go for it... me am married for 6 months now..am planning to have a baby sometimes next year... need to rest due to medical reasons...so so so sad....=(
• Australia
2 Apr 07
I believe when both you and your partner believe you are ready for children it is the perfect time. It might not be until your mid thirties but as long as you are ready that is all that matters
@dramaqn (1990)
• United States
1 Apr 07
Everyone has different views on this. Personally I just put it in God's hands. I am a firm believer that He doesn't give you more than you can handle. I am a mother of 5 living, one deceased, and 1 on the way. child 4 and 5 I was on birth control. Control? I had no control, it was up to the man upstairs. And with the 6th one I believe He took that child back into his arms because I was about to face many troubles in that year (and I did). So, just discuss it with your future husband and the two of you will decide what is best.
• India
1 Apr 07
one can never fix any age...whenever one feels that he is mature enough to take the responsibility.....roughly speaking 28-30 is the right age...