Debts can destroy friendship...

@tombiz (2039)
Philippines
March 31, 2007 5:54pm CST
This lesson had been said many, many times that to make friendship intact never allow your friends to borrow money from you. I never believe with that fully because I could not easily no to friends in need. Recently, I am crushed to find out that when I need the money back, most of my friends could not pay me the money they owed me. The worst part is that a friend even cursed me by text -- he was so angry because I let his mother know of the debt he owed me. Why I told his mother -- because he made 6 promises to pay me and nothing happened plus I already felt he was avoiding me. I could not really believe that this thing could happen. I never thought that my willingness to help would comeback to me negatively. I am crushed. I am depressed. Any advice?
12 people like this
29 responses
• India
1 Apr 07
Its really bad to read about friendship being destroyed by debts. But thats the bitter truth in reality! I have myself had bitter experiences of this scenario! but that was all a few years back...Again one thing that I tell you is that It will not take long for your friend to realize what you have done is definitely not wrong.Your friend will definitely put him/her in your shoes and I am sure he/she will get back to you shortly cos the same happened in my case too after an year the differences in opinion came up between me and my friend after I lent her money when she was in need of the same!
@hey_baby (426)
• Philippines
1 Apr 07
sometimes i borrow money from my friends, i always see it a point to pay them back. it may not always be on schedule, but i try to make it a point to update them when i could pay them back. i do this because i don't want to hurt her and destroy our friendship. borrowing money is a responsibility. if your friends who borrowed from you is really a friend, then they'll face that responsibility.
@kming52 (280)
• China
5 Apr 07
I met a similar situation before.And I just let it be,I do nothing about it but let it be.I just remember the suggestion from Benjaming Franklin that when you will lose a friend when lending him some money .
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Hope you are feeling better after hearing from your myLot friends. Thanks for the BR
• Philippines
2 Apr 07
I have a friend who always borrow money from me most is when we we're still college and I always lend her money cause I know she really need it. She may pay me after so many months but that is fine with me cause I know she is really tight with money. I'm glad that money did not destroy our relationship. But I have this another friend from work that I lend money and its been a year since I lent it to her and now that I need it it seems like she has no plan in paying me back cause she didn't answer all of my message to her. Yeah I felt a bit angry but I'm still holding on with our friendship.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
1 Apr 07
hi there - I could not agree more with you. I lent money to one friend some years back. She had also borrowed money from her mother as well as other friends, there was no sign of the money being returned at all - of course the friendship was killed. My only advice is, that these people are not friends in the first place if they won't return money they owe to you, unfortunately you have found this out the hard way. Why is it that you lent money to all of your friends at once? Did you have a lot of money and suddenly people started borrowing from your? Learn from your mistake and keep your money to yourself. There is a saying "neither a borrower or a lender be" and it is very true.
@Mithoo (255)
• Pakistan
1 Apr 07
Yes, dear friend now a days not friends but anyone else will not be willing to give you back your money. Its amazing that after taking money from us, others think that they had a right on that money. But i am so lucky in this matter because i have only one friend who is so so honest. He also gives some money to me when i needed and i also give him money when he needed! But now a days its hard to find honest friends and people!
@rx4life (1933)
• United States
1 Apr 07
Sorry to hear of your situation...I know that I have had the same thing happen many times in my life..and have finally learned what my father tried to teach me years ago....If you consider loaning money to anyone without a contract..make sure that you can afford to assume it is a gift and will not be repaid. That way when no payment is made you will not be financially hurt and your ego will not take a beating! Since I took this to heart, I have loaned less money but also found that making the mental assumption that it will not be repaid has relieved me of the stress of the anticipation of the outcome. And, I am pleasantly delighted when the repayment does occur as I was not expecting it...I suppose it's the hardest lesson I ever learned and I lost a couple of friends along the lesson's journey..but now I only loan what I could afford to give and then let it go...if it comes back, it's great..if it doesn't, it was a gift and a lesson!! Best to you ...
• India
1 Apr 07
My father has never owed anybody any money at any point of time, nor has he lent any money to anyone. He has helped people in difficulty by giving them money, but never as loan. He believes that when you give a loan to a friend, he stops being a friend and instead becomes an adversary, so when any of his friends ask him for a loan, he tells me frankly that he neither gives nor takes loans. Many people initially feel offended, but they appreciate him later for his frankness or when they themselves lose friendships because of money related issues. I too follow that aspect of life very religiously from my father and have never had any reason to regret it.
@iceburn (53)
• Philippines
1 Apr 07
You just have to choose your friends well. You lend them money to help them becvause you consider them your friends on the other hand the way they treated you doesn't sound to me like you are their friend. Money should not be an issue between friends I believe. It's one thing if they "can't" pay you back. And it's another thing if they "won't" pay you back and break their promises. My advice would be to keep your friend... but only until he pays you back the money then depending on his apology either loose him or forgive him.
@healer (1783)
• India
1 Apr 07
Sometimes things happen like this between friends, but i guarantee that after this try to forgive each other and things will be better. We know each other when we face small issues with our friends and thats what keep our relationship strong but we can always delete some from our list after such situations. This is how we know our friends, nobody is perfect and if nobody is perfect than we can forgive each other and try out things that will be more comfortable for us(Delete your friend or add him up). Hope things will improve between you and your friend good luck
@Maxturvy (114)
• Philippines
1 Apr 07
It's up to us to decide if you want to destroy your friendship just because of this material things. We have our own prerogative to do things what is better for us. Since you seek some advices from all of us here in mylot, for me i don't give a damn thing to destroy friendship just because of his debts to you. I knew you earned that amount from your sweats and hard works, but to earned belongingness to our friends is hard to break and reform. Money, yes is the root of all evil but you can find and earned that in many ways as long as you work hard for that. What is lost to you will be returned to you by HIM in different ways but it only takes time. What is significant for this is your big heart for letting them lend money from you, here you earned not material thing but merits from above. If they dont pay you, just wait until they realize how hard you earned this amount but lately you will just give up bothering them to pay you and let this things happen in God's will.Here, what matter me most is the indulgence or merits we gain from above. I love to earn many of that from here while we are still alive. You don't have to be depressed, you might get sick. You just let it go off your hands and life as i say is so mysterious. Someday, somehow they will understand you how nice and good person you are as a friend indeed but also a big heart to receive. I advised you this because i had an experience same way as you have now. But you know, I received lots of big and stunning graces from above like winning in the raffle draws in our town and those debtors return their payments without your expectations.I feel great at that moment.God has its own ways as long as we dont hurt others feelings.
@setylon (86)
• China
1 Apr 07
I agree with you that debts can destroy friendship.
@ryanphil01 (4186)
• Philippines
1 Apr 07
this happens not only among friends but also among family members and relatives.it's hurting you know that after you have helped them they're beginning to forget what they promised you. and when the time comes you asked them to pay you back, they would just nod their heads and ask for an extension, it's because they still needed the money. this situation become worst if they really won't pay you back anymore. lessons really have to be learned the hardest way, do tht we must be very careful in lending money to friends. it really destroys friendship.
• China
1 Apr 07
I also had your experience, but I have my principle. If anyone including my closest friend can't keep his or her promise, I will tell him or her my feeling frankly. Friends are friends, and money is money.
@borzack (597)
• Malaysia
1 Apr 07
i have the exact same experience! minus telling the mother :) but in my case it involve A LOT of money, from buying a complete computer system, flight ticket to South Africa, monthly house rentals and other stuffs. This has been from the year 2000! We are like best buddies so i guess he will pay bit by bit. He did pay bit by bit but later on, he skips and now not paying anymore. I even text and got no reply. this is bad. really bad...
@sunsky (11)
• China
1 Apr 07
I think friends can help each other,but according to that you said in the discussion,that people are not true friends.they just cheat you.you must drop them away. as to your friend cursed you.you must ask him to pay back you money,if not,you can accuse of him.when ask the money back,you must drop him away.he is cheating you. I think the true friends are working hard together and share the hard time rather than that like you said.
@juliefaye (1214)
• Philippines
1 Apr 07
Yess! you are very very right! It happened to me many times. If they were true friends, it's very easy to say that "sorry i can't pay u this time.. money is a little hard for me these days", what can we do? are we going to kill them if they can't pay us? of course not. The sad thing is that we help them and yet they pass the problem on our shoulder. Come every new year, i always make a resolutions that i will never, never ever lend money to a friend but i always broke my new years resolution. This year, my new years resolution is that if i lend money to a friend in need, I better think that i gave it to charity so as not to lose a friend if they can't pay me back. Isn't it wonderful?
@emisle (3824)
• Ireland
1 Apr 07
There is a quote in Hamlet by Shakespeare that I think is very good "Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for load oft loses both itself and friend" I would never lend a large amount of money to a friend unless I knew I could go without it.
@junior07 (974)
• India
1 Apr 07
ya that's true never lend too much money to ur friends as they feel easy with u and make their payments late.
@urbangirl (1461)
• Australia
1 Apr 07
Sorry, but I don't think this person was a real friend because if he couldn't pay the money, he had no right to get angry with YOU, instead he should have been sorry and apologetic and found a way to make it up to you. I hope it wsn't a large amount of money. I once lent someone $5 000 and although I did eventually get it back (we had signed a contract with a solicitor), the "friend" made out they were doing ME the favour and even threatened to harm me. I couldn't care less about losing a "friend" like that but it made me angry I had to go through all that stress and I was made out to be the villain. It wasn't an amount that would affect me adversely and that was my limit of lending, but just the experience I went through, I didn't need. Advice: just move on and be more careful next time. Let karma handle it.