My husband hides when I get sick

United States
April 2, 2007 12:41pm CST
I think he gets frighten, but I see it as putting his head in the sand. I wish he would talk to me about it. When I have been in the hospital, he is there and stays with me. But at home he goes into the computer room and hides. Are husbands afraid to show their emotions when their wives are sick?
8 people like this
21 responses
• Canada
2 Apr 07
I can't believe it!!! What kind of a man is he, anyway?? He needs to be there to suppor you and to help you. Why not stop and ask him why he acts this way when you need him and want him to be with you? Wouldn't you be there for him if he was sick? He's acting crazy!
2 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 07
He is not crazy, he just doesn't want to face the fact I am sick and he may lose me
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
2 Apr 07
I think maybe they get a little scared. My partner will help with all practical things when I get ill. He has a harder time just talking to me about it or just comforting me when it gets real bad.
2 Apr 07
My wife always say that the moment she knew she wanted to be with me was when I spent a whole night holding a bucket for her when she was suffering from food poisoning! She always said that anyone who could deal with buckets of vomit (sorry folks....) was the guy for her! I like to think I am a good carer; my partner has had health problems over the years and so I've had to look after her on several occasions, and she's cared for me too when I've needed it. I think that men are often not told how to handle such things when they're younger; my mother always made sure I knew how to do basic nursing, cooking, cleaning, sowing, etc. As I've grown older I've realsied how smart my mum actually was!
@charms88 (7543)
• Philippines
2 Apr 07
I don't think your husband is hiding from you, carolee. Maybe he is just tired or needed to cath up on things. He may also think that both of you are there in the house and that you know your way around there. Try to talk with your husband about what you're feeling. It may be possible he didn't know that you needed him more than ever. I wish you good health and speed recovery.
@stacyv81 (5904)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Mine does the same. He is distant when I am sick, he runs and hides as well. I never got this though, because when he is sick I am right there, to take care of him. I mean he gets me drinks, and takes care of me, too, but maybe they are scared of the emotions and run from it so they dont have to deal with seeing us that way.
2 people like this
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
2 Apr 07
LOL - is he frightened or just smart. By 'hiding' in another room he's avoiding getting whatever you have or maybe he's avoiding your asking him to do things for you. Ok, I'm describing my 15 year old son but men are men no matter what the age. As you know I've been 'under the weather' the last few days, my son comes to the door of my room but will not come in the room - he has told me flat out what ever it is he doesn't want it. He also runs when I call his name as he knows I'm going to ask him to either do something for me or get something for me. It's not that he doesn't love me it's just he's used to Mom doing for herself or him, not the other way around.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 07
I have 4 sons, I know what you are talking about. It must be a "man" thing
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
3 Apr 07
My husband is the same way. He think he can catch whatever I had or have sometimes he would come around and make a cross sign like I am a vampire or something, he says it helps him not to get sick I think it is very lame for him being this way but when I had 31 mini-strokes he was there for me took the days of from work and stayed with me at the hospital and I will add my daughter has helped alot too.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I think so, my hubby gets like that too. If I am sick, I pretty much attend to myself. Now and then he will pop in the room to see if I am ok, but most of the time, I will get up and get things myself. If I am really sick, then I have to scream for his attention LOL When I ruptured my archilles and had to go in for an operation, then spent 6 weeks in a cast, I still had to run around after my son and attend to myself as well - I don't think all men are like that, cause my sisters hubby always takes care of my sister and their children when she isn't able to! I think they just don't know what to do in most cases and probably can't be bothered getting things for you every minute of second of the day LOL
• Canada
2 Apr 07
I think it is mostly a guy thing but if you have some serious illness, then I think you're probably right that your hubby might be afraid of losing you. When my hubby and I got married, he realized he was taking on a bit of a load but he had no idea how much since my legs have become much, much worse. Add to that, a couple of very nasty medical surprises that were found by accident and he has his hands full with me even though we have only been married five years. I've told him he can leave but he won't, bless his heart. Today, I was at Walmart and I took ill. They had to phone him at work and he had to come and get me. As soon as we arrived home, he made me some Neocitrin to see if that would help. He takes such good care of me. I do so wish that I was in better health so I could help him more. I wish I had met him years ago when I was strong and healthy. No point wishing, though; it gets you nowhere.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7592)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Maybe he thinks you don't want him around when you're sick- I know when I'm sick I want to be left alone- I actually grump and groan-- Don't touch me- Leave me alone... Maybe he senses this from you and stays away. Also men are babies when they are sick-- I shouldn't say all men-- But mine is-- He is afraid he'll catch what I have- LOL... But you can bet if I call and say honey help me- he is there!
@Munira (484)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I am not trying to offend anyone; but, maybe your husband hides to dodge the extra responsibility of taking care of you. He probably stays by your side in the hospital because there is someone else taking care of you. Some men feel they already do enough.
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
2 Apr 07
I'm glad you asked this because I have wondered the same thing and I just never thought to ask our friends here on myLot and as you may have also done like me a person starts to ask themselves does he have his head where ? lol or does he just not give a rip ? Good question Thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 07
If I am sick he will ask me if I need anything..every so often.. and he gets it for me.. But when it comes to cooking dinner he runs.. What makes me mad is I cook him dinners when he is sick but when I am sick I get sandwiches or tv dinners or soups .. I get so angry because he can cook.. I tell him but it goes through one ear and out the other..
1 person likes this
@krishkorp (427)
• India
2 Apr 07
I can relate to this as my dad is that kind of person.He was not even in the hospital when i was born ,he had come to homeand slept .Ya some males can't handle such things ,U lucky ur guy stayed with u.I think he needs a little pep talk and he'll be all fine.I hope this helps.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
2 Apr 07
My fiance is like this as well. I think men are not as able to deal with their emotions as women are. We are the nurturers and I suppose that most men think that if we need them we will call for them. Sometimes they don't realize that even when we do'nt call out to them we need them at least for comfort or company. My fiance asks if I need something then sticks his head into the computer. I guess he doesn't know what else to do, LOL!
1 person likes this
@OURDEW (4812)
• United States
2 Apr 07
My husband is the same way. He makes me feel worse because I want him to take care of me. When I have been in the hospital he also is there every minute. I know that he cares, I wish he would show it more. Maybe they get scared or worried and don't want us to know.
1 person likes this
@Erinlpx (179)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I don't think that could be said of ALL husbands, but I can perfectly understand and see how this could happen. People deal with issues in different ways, and if you're seriously ill, it's perfectly understandable that this terrifies him. Maybe he just doesn't know how to cope with it? Maybe he prefers time alone to think, or maybe - the sight of you being ill fills him with fear and he just feels the need to shut it out. If it were me, and this was truly bothering me, I would try speaking with him about it only if I couldn't possibly empathize, understand, and accept it. I'm truly sorry that you're ill, I wish you all the best and hope that your husband begins giving you the support you need.
1 person likes this
@tutul0045 (2631)
• India
2 Apr 07
well yeah u know males try to hide thoer emotions but at times they cant. one of my doctor friend told me that men always suffer from heart diseases more than women and thats because men try not to show their emotions. I think u got a loving and caring husband and he is afraid to show sadness or cry before u. I think the biggest thing u can do to yr husband is to get soon well and give him lot of love. Thats the most a male needs. Cheers, Tutul
1 person likes this
@mnflower (1304)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I don't have the answer for you on this one, but I think it has to do with them not really knowing what to do, for when someone gets sick around my house I know I am the caretaker and the hubby just sits by so when I am sick he sits there not knowing what to do. I think that is the main thing, they really don't know what to do, and you know men have issues with showing emotions it is a pride thing.
1 person likes this
• India
2 Apr 07
Yes, i think it is true. I remember when i was pregnent, sometimes i got too much sick and when my husband returns from the office he becomes so much worried that he was not able to take the food properly. But he never ever said something to me, rather he keeps on standing in the balcony and keeps on thinking for hours.