Why do some people have children hoping to save their relationship?

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United States
April 2, 2007 1:39pm CST
We've all come across them. Couples that are going through a rough time and think "oh, having a family will make it all better". DUH! The stresses of a family are unbelievable! If you are having issues with each other, adding on another factor is NOT going to save a marriage!
5 people like this
12 responses
• United States
2 Apr 07
Amen to that! I don't see how folks see children as a saving device to their relationships. Having a child is one of the biggest responsibilties and the biggest stressors you have in life. Besides that, I feel sorry for the child/ren born under such circumstances. They grow up either in a broken home, or with constant fighting, abuse issues, or other traumas, that no child should have to deal with. It is a cruel thing to do to an innocent child.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 07
I just don't understand the entire reasoning behind it, yet I have heard many couples say they've done it! I guess it's a matter of ignorance. I've even heard people who already have kids say they had another one, hoping to save the marriage!!!! Did they not realize the tensions involved with parenting the first time?!
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I could never figure out that logic either. I know how much work a child is and it adds a lot of stress and tension to a releationship. Even if the best of marriages it can strain things let alone if the marriage has it's problems. It's just like these ones who get married because the woman is pregnant. That is a stupid reason to get married. Get married for many reasons but not just because birth control failed. It just makes life rough for the adults and the children involved. Problems don't just go away because of a baby, if anything they get worse. They need to realize that and deal with their problems first.
• United States
20 Apr 07
Yeah, lack of sleep, excess of poop and barf, lack of real food and dwindling of funds from having a child do NOT spell "Great Marriage" in my book either! Marriage is stressful enough to get through let alone bringing more into it when it's at a rough spot!
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
2 Apr 07
only those who have never had children could possibly feel this way. Far from bringing a couple together, a child puts so much stress on a relationship that it has to be very strong before a child is brought into the world blessed be
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 07
I have heard couples say this and I don't know where there thinking matter is. Obviously it has gone out the door. One of the biggest stresses is children. That is definitely not a way to fix a relationship. You fix the relationship first and than discuss having children.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
2 Apr 07
You are right. It's not fair to the children. In my particular case, our children were born into a wonderful marriage. We were married for seven years before my first son was born and then my second came the next year. For seven more years, a total of fifteen, we were married. It wasn't until then that I woke up and realized I was being abused. We tried counseling, and it didn't do anything for us. You always here Dr. Phil say the children are the ones who need to take priority in a marriage crisis. In many cases, family counseling can help, but sometimes it is in vain that couples try to save the marriage "just for the sake of the children." This is a lie they are living. If a couple stays together for the children, they are only causing the children a lot of grief. Children sense tension and trouble in the house. They know when things are not right and the parents can't fake it. So just as you say, it is stupid to have babies to save your marriage...it is also stupid to believe the myth that your children are well served by your keeping the household together JUST for their sakes.
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5904)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Its not a good idea. Some people think a child will bring you together, but it is harder after having a baby, as you have to put the baby first, and it can have a strain on a relationship. In fact, it could destroy a relationship...especially, if it is already coming apart. Being a parent is a hard job. I love it, and my relationship is fine, but It is definitely not going to save it!
1 person likes this
@cikedo (3487)
• United States
20 Apr 07
I don't get why people have kids thinking they will fix everything that is wrong with a relationship. If anything they make things more difficult.
@sweetie88 (4559)
• Pakistan
3 Apr 07
I disagree with u Aunt here!!! May b i am an Asian & u r n't that's y. I've seen many couples in my surroundings which do n't like each other and do n't like to talk with each other but still live together bcuz they have babies. If they'll get seperate then it'll affect their children future & they'll have to face problems at their time of marraige bcuz people'll say that their Parents did n't live together so, they do n't how to make faimly. They can leave our daughter/son too. Its really a very common fact in Asia bcuz we people do n't leave our Parents affter becoming 18 years old. 2ndly, many women give attention to their home after becoming Mom & many husbands too take care of their mrs. & give attention to home bcuz they have their generation/child at home. That's y many euorpeon too get marry after becoming Parents instead of living single with each other. Its my personal view.
• Singapore
3 Apr 07
Isn't that why losers have children? Just in case their relationships don't work out?
@katty0004 (387)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I totally agree with you , haveing children when you are have marriage problems will not make it better. I think it would put a lot more stress on the marriage ,if the marriage is already in danger of a split up thats just another worry.
@ssharp (50)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thats a great question. I have wondered that same thing. My then boyfriend and I were always up and down. When we got pregnant (a wonderful surprise) we talked about marriage again - but I felt very strongly about not getting married for the sake of being pregnant or to save/solidify of relationship. After many honest and heart felt conversations we did decide to try the knot - and raise our baby to gether. Things have been amazing ever since. In a round about way our surprise did save our relationship by forcing us to really talking about all of our issues and come to some compromises, but having a baby was in no way INTENDED to save our relationship - thank goodness
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I don't know. My sister did that. She was not getting along with her husband and yet they decided they needed a baby to bring them back together. They now have 3 kids and still don't get along. Now they stay together for the kids. I don't get it.