Don't Laugh...I still suck my thumb...

United States
April 2, 2007 10:54pm CST
I don't know what it is. Security issue. Mom leaving so early in my life. Life issues that seem to have left me hanging all the time. All the moves, foster homes, issues with other kids, feeling like I've still got a long way to go to grow up, even though I'm nearly thirty. When I was little, twelve or so, my dad caught me sucking my thumb. He tried all kinds of things. Tobasco sauce, wrapping it up with bandaids, swatting my behind, maybe that's all in my mind-I don't know-but nothing seemed to work. I've been ashamed to get close to anyone for fear of them finding this out. Well, I'm throwing it out there; tired of hiding. Maybe I need professional help...hypnotism maybe? All I know, is that if I continue to do this, I won't respect myself. I won't be able to take myself seriously. It's hard already, while living with my father and his girlfriend. I'm working on that one and almost have enough for my move out, but it's been so long since I've beem able to get a close, objective handle on things. Tired of this...any suggestions...no cracks please. Just remember, everyone has their own demons. I was honest enough to face mine, and that takes a certain kind of courage-don't make me regret my choice to do this. Thanks for any help you can give me :}
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1 response
• United States
3 Apr 07
That must be really tough. Have you read any articles or books on it? I think to fix a "behavioral pattern", you need to kind of look at the issues behind it. If you have security issues and stuff like that, then it may help if you go to therepy or group therepy where you can get all your feelings and fears out. When i was younger, i went through some emotional issues and I used to cut myself to deal with the stress...so my problem was more extreme but once i started opening up to people about it, i got a handle on it and stopped. So my suggestion is find a therepy that you can talk about your problems with. I hope I helped you, and good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thank you. I had a friend who cut herself. I never knew why right up until I was about to leave the Corps. Depression hit me so hard that I struggled not to think of ways to end things. I don't even know if I was thinking at the time. Feeling and emotions were rushing in and burying me so completely, so quickly that I doubt I could even name them, or tell you what it was that was on my mind at that exact moment. Was like a black, heavy, thick, and numbing fog which every once in a while would let some incredible degree of pain through. I felt closed in, swamped, defeated. Just remembering this. This must have been like what my friend was feeling. I don't know for sure, but I can't imagine anything more terrifying or lonely than what I went through for days on end.
1 person likes this