How long did it take you to get over your breakups?

United States
April 3, 2007 2:34am CST
I ask because I always hear that the general rule of thumb is: half the time that you were in a relationship for. That's about how it worked out for me as well. For example, if you just got out of a 1 year relationship, expect to endure 6 months of being miserable before you are truly ready for a relationship again. A female friend of mine just recently got into a rebound relationship after 2 years and 4 months with her ex, and I think she's making a mistake with it.
5 people like this
22 responses
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
As for what have I experienced, it depends. I was broken hearted for almost 2 years but I only have myself to blame. I chose it and dwell on it so It took time for me to move on. When I finally collected myself, I decided to just get out of it and have a life. It was devastating to see myself crying over spilled milk..
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
5 Apr 07
well, atleast you were able to cry it all out. better to just let it stay inside you. it's good to cry out the pain... it's just right to pour out all the pains so to be able to have a brand new start.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Everyone is different when it comes to breaking up a relationship. For me I had one relationship that I took it really hard when I walked away from him. I wanted to go back to him many of times. But I just couldnt trust him again. Its been 10 years now and I often think about him.
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
oh you really love your boyfriend.. But you still made the right and wise decision for you did not allow love to prevail.. you let justice stands out.
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
3 Apr 07
Oh please don't say this as I have been in my marriage relationship for 26 years and you are saying that it will take half that time to get over him meaning I would never get over my relationship with my husband lol. But hopefully your friend is not going to be hurt in this rebound relationship.
• United States
3 Apr 07
What do you mean, "please don't say that"? Are you planning to break up with your husband anytime soon?
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
7 May 07
It sounds like your friend is jumping in a new realtionship to fast. Maybe I am wrong. I am ready to move on in a way but at the same time it is still hard to trust once you have been hurt before.
@thai11 (239)
• United States
27 Apr 07
I disagree, there was something wrong with other relationship, right? That's why it ended. This new guy could be the "one" for her...I was in a 4 year relationship, entered into another one 2 months later and we have been together for over 2 years now. My friends said the same thing about it being too early and it hurts when your friends aren't supportive!
@anonymili (3138)
13 Apr 07
I don't think there is any hard and fast rule about how long it takes to get over someone. For example, I was with my ex husband for nearly 15 years, I wasn't going to wait 7.5 years to get over him LOL! I've been with my 2nd (and LAST) husband for 5 years now and couldn't be happier! I know people who spent several years with someone and moved on really quickly and some who took several years to move on but it doesn't necessarily mean either type of relationship is going to work out or not work out. It all depends on you, your emotional state and your new partner. Other factors which could affect a successful relationship include how old you are. As you get older you become less interested in what a person is like on the outside (i.e. looks wise) and more interested in their personality and if they can make you emotionally happy. I know people who chase after the best looking guys or girls - this doesn't always lead to a happy relationship as sometimes really gorgeous people can be more into their looks than thinking about their partner's needs. At the end of the day, move on to a new relationship only when you feel comfortable with it, don't let other dictate to you what is a good period of "mourning" for a broken relationship. Think about your needs and your happiness. Good luck. x
• United States
13 Apr 07
No, i don't think that is true. i think it depends on the person and how serious you were with your partner. i was in a relationship with a guy for jsut over a year and i was really in love with him. He and i broke up in 2003 and i just got ever him in February or March of 2006. In fact, i wasn't even sure i was completely over him or not before i go with my current beloved...but i am now. i am over him in the sense that i no longer am in love with him, but i am not over the love i once felt. i am not over the fact thati lvoed him so much. However, i love the man i am with now even more and he and i have been together just over a year now.
@rafay_ (92)
• Pakistan
8 Apr 07
Almost a year..but now..Things are changing and I think I did justice to myself breaking up with her, but you know what...At times..It still hurts!!!
• United States
6 Apr 07
Well I think that sometimes waiting half the time to heal can be a bit lenghty. Does it really take someone 2 years for a relationship to heal if they were together for 4? That just seems like a waste of youth in my opinion! LOL I think some people are ready to start looking-or be out there again-sooner than others. But the key is to be confident in yourself and not dwell on the past or think that any potential is going to be similar to an ex. But also, with each reltionship, keep your lessons learned from the past relationships close to heart, as to not get hurt again, or at least the way you have been hurt in the past.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
5 Apr 07
i am not sure how long i am able to get over the pains of breaking up. i guess it depends on how much the person has impact on my life while still in a relationship with him. usually, i cry for months before i am able to get back on track. i am not sure if your friend is doing the right thing of getting back with her ex. maybe she has reasons for it. i just hope she really knows what she's thinking.
@coolchai (720)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
it took me 3 yrs to recover from a break up. i got pregnant and the guy took off. went off with another girl. then did not support me or did not show up on his baby's baptism. its really miserable but when i got up and started all over again. i could talk to him not even feeling anything.
• United States
4 Apr 07
I think it depends on the relationship. For instance I was in a relationship with a guy that I knew wasn't going anywhere. We were headed in seperate directions in life. But we dragged the relationship out to it's breaking point so i guess i had started getting over him while we were still together. We were together for a year and it took me about 2 months to get completely over him. But the last guy I dated we were together for almost 3 years and we broke up unexpectedly. I would say that I am just now finally beginning to get over him and its been about 7 months. I finally gave up on him and the fact that we aren't going to be getting back together. I feel like i'm ready to date again now, but for a long time i wasn't trying to date anybody because i wasn't ready yet. I would have been dating someone because I couldn't be with the person I really wanted.
• United States
4 Apr 07
Honestly I dont think there SHOULD be a rule of thumb. No matter what, everyone's different and depending on the individual situation and the individual him/herself, the time of recovery varies. I hope the best for your friend, hopefully she didn't make a mistake and hopefully she'll find happiness. Stick with her and give her the support she needs!
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
i just got off from my 3yr relationship.. i thought i couldn't live with out him but after 3 months of moving on and going out with friends, i realized life far better off without him.. it really depends with the person.. if that person wants to move on then it's up to the person...
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
I guess,it depends of the relationship you have build with your partner.The memories and the bond you have with each other.And the love she/he give and show to you.I have been in different relationship,thats why i can say so.Its not easy to get over of the relationship especially if you are married and got kids.Its different too if you both are not married but you take the relationship seriously and a lot of expectations with each other.From the relationship that you only take just for fun/fling. Getting over from breakups,is a lot of painful feeling and teary eyes.But life must go on!
• Canada
4 Apr 07
Personally I think it varies on the person. But I did hear on some show with a shrink, that the amount of time it should take is the same amount that you dated. To say the least, it never took me as long as I thought.
@daistar8 (68)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
It depends on the depth of the wound that your ex created..If you have many memories, the bonding that you're spending together this could really break your heart into pieces,, You feel that you carry the world.. But if your boyfriend/girlfrend have no fun memories, bonding moments that I think you can recover after the break.. right at the moment....
• United States
4 Apr 07
Depends on the person. I'm still struggling with heartbreak even if the relationship ended over a year ago. Then again I dated the guy for almost four years.
@juicemilk (2286)
• Australia
3 Apr 07
I dont think you will be miserable for half the time of the relationship, if you broke up with someone after 6 years, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be miserable for 3 straight years! i think it depends on the person. I went out with a guy for just over a year, we broke up and still kinda kept seeing each other (bad idea!) it took me nearly a year to realise I was truly over him (I think it took longer as we still saw each other during that time) And then once I had realised that....he then decided I was 'the one' and turned into a stalker lol. Maybe your friend needs this rebound relationship to hekp her feel good about herself again, which depending on how the other guy sees their relationship may be unfair on him. But you need to let people make their own mistakes, I'm sure you'd just hurt your friendship if you tried telling her what to do :)
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
3 Apr 07
well when my ex husband left me after being married 3 years and together 4 years, it took me a year to even think about going out and dating again, and then i went through a year and half of "just dating" and enjoying being single before i was ready to settle into a relationship with someone. now i am with my current boyfriend for over a year now. I think you will know when you are ready. it doesn't always have to be half the time you were with someone.