Open Marriage/Relationships

@Ravenladyj (22992)
United States
April 5, 2007 6:57am CST
How many of you are familiar with the concept of Open marriages/relationships or poly marriages and relationships....How much do you know about them? have you ever been in one? How do you feel about ppl who are in that type of relationship? What about when there are children involved? Would you ever consider being in that type of marriage or relationship?
7 people like this
12 responses
@Myrrdin (3601)
• Canada
5 Apr 07
I've been in an open marriage and it failed miserably, that doesn't mean I think all open marriages will, but in my case it was bad. In my case our rule was no secrets, no ongoing bf/gf type relationships with others, and to always be honest. Unfortunately my wife started seeing several men entirely behind my back and even decided to skip christmas day with my family in order to be with one of them. When I found out I blew a gasket, now she is moved out and living with another guy who she claims she was never with during our marriage but I doubt it. I think that open marriages can work as long as both sides agree to the ground rules and stick to them. Honesty is infinitely more important in an open marriage then a traditional marriage. Not that honesty isn't important in all relationships, but in an open marriage it is too easy to screw things up with an omitted fact, and an outright lie can destroy the relationship.
3 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
18 Apr 07
"Honesty is infinitely more important in an open marriage then a traditional marriage. Not that honesty isn't important in all relationships, but in an open marriage it is too easy to screw things up with an omitted fact, and an outright lie can destroy the relationship" oh most definately! ALL the cards have to be on the table and there is certainly no room for walking on eggshells etc....
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
5 Apr 07
If I am correct an open marriage is when they see other people, not sure if I am right about that or not. I personally don't think that would be healthy in a marriage, I would think that it would cause a lot of problems. I don't think people should do it when they have kids as that would be very confusing for the kids.
3 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
5 Apr 07
open marriages vary really...I mean there are some who do just date whoever then you have other ppl who both date one other person (like the husband has a gf on the side and the wife has a bf on the side) then even still you have situations like mine where I had my bf on the side but my husband (though free to date should he want to) is solely with me... As far as the kids go...one strict rule is that its never brought to our family home...My bf would call here (and talk to my kids actually..they love him dearly) but I woudl go to him and stay with him for weekends etc...There are rules that have to be followed when you get into alternative marriages, lifestyles etc to prevent harm, confusion, issues etc...
1 person likes this
@inked4life (4228)
• United States
5 Apr 07
I have heard about them but have never met anyone who has been in one and I haven't personally been in one either. It's just not something that really appeals to me. I have always been big om monogamy. My feeling is though that if both members of the relationship are equally commited to having an open relationship, then go for it. Just so long as no-one gets hurt.
3 people like this
• United States
5 Apr 07
I do believe to each his own so if it works for some then fine but it wouldn't be for me. I love complete commitment. So no I would never consider it.
2 people like this
• Canada
18 Apr 07
I am with you on that one. It would not work for me. But if it works for you...that's cool.
1 person likes this
@natalie1981 (2000)
• Singapore
5 Apr 07
Open Marriage/Relationships I think is a coward's way out. A selfish person's way, if you will. Relationships/Marriage is a COMMITMENT. You vowed to love each other and stick with each other through thick and thin. Once you call your relationship "open", there's no commitment, just lust, and selfishness. Calling it a "relationship" is a joke. You should just call it quits because you're ruining the meaning of love.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
5 Apr 07
Wait a sec...how is it a "cowards way out"? and why do you assume that there is no commitment? You are right when two ppl get married they do vow to love each other and stick together through thick and thin..I wont argue that but to say that my marriage is a joke isnt right...We've been togethr for nearly ten yrs and HAVE been together through thick and thin and there is no doubt that we love each other....So to say our marriage/relationship is a joke is really out in left field...
1 person likes this
5 Apr 07
I have only ever been involved in one so-called open relationship and it didn't last very long I'm afraid. My boyfriend at that time wanted to see other women, he got the best of the deal. He said he didn't mind if I saw other guys but I felt uncomfortable with the idea, especially when he wanted me to go with one of his friends.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
5 Apr 07
Yea it has to HAS TO be a mutual thing..if one party isnt comfortable with it then it certainly wont work at all...
2 people like this
@lightningMD (5937)
• United States
5 Apr 07
I beleieve that when you make a commitment to another person and to GOD to love and honor and charish that person there will be no other. Those people who live in a poly marraige should not be allowed to bread or be around children. They should also be ready to spend along time in hell.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Apr 07
AMEN! Marriage is a commitment. You make vows before God and to your spouse. There is no such thing as an "open marriage" or a "trial marriage".
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
5 Apr 07
"when you make a commitment to another person and to GOD " thats under the assumption that EVERYONE has Christian weddings...which is a mistake since not everyone does....We were married by a pastor BUT our ceremony and vows were Pagan so the whole god thing didnt even exist.... Just out of curiousity though, why should ppl who live alternative marriages not be allow to have children or be around them??
1 person likes this
@freak369 (4783)
• United States
18 Apr 07
"They should also be ready to spend along time in hell." If that's the case, I am going to be surrounded by some very cool people.
@lecanis (16739)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Apr 07
I thought I answered this already, but I can't see my post!!! waaah! I've been in a poly relationship, but it was closed poly and not open. (Involving specific people, not allowing any of the members to have outside relationshps going on.) I really liked it, but because of a certain problem with one of the people involved, it didn't last. I would definitely say it was a very happy time in my life when it was going on, and that if I met just the rest person I would be assuming to try again (assuming my husband was also).
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
18 Apr 07
"I really liked it, but because of a certain problem with one of the people involved, it didn't last" and once again I can relate..ours was closed as well and like you, due to a certain problem/issue it had to come to an end after a couple yrs....shame really cause I love the guy with all my heart but he just had (still does) such a hard time adjusting to life and whatnot...
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16739)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Apr 07
In my case it was that she just couldn't make up her mind what she wanted from me. She said I wasn't working hard enough on our relationship, but any time I called her or asked her to go out or something, I was "bothering" her. So I was supposed to make some kind of effort without actually getting ahold of her? *shrugs* We're still friends, but she's still kind of like that, so I just let her come to me these days.
@freak369 (4783)
• United States
5 Apr 07
LOL I just posted something about polyamory which is along the same lines as an open relationship / marriage. Personally, I think if everyone involved is mature enough to handle it then there shouldn't be any problems with it.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
5 Apr 07
I agree...and I'll have to go find that thread you posted....
1 person likes this
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
9 Jul 07
I once met a guy and hot damn he was fine... after a week or so of flirting, going to lunch, I found out he was married. HOWEVER, he and his wife had/have (if they're still together) an open marriage. I didn't know what he meant and he explained it. They're agreement was do whatever, just be safe (protection) and not to get involved w/ppl each other knew. I wasn't comfortable. I'm a one guy type of gal. But if that worked for them, more power to them. Ppl have the right to live THEIR lives how they want. I don't agree or disagree with the concept. I do however believe that it is something that both parties have to be comfortable with and 100% in agreement.
@jal1948 (1361)
• India
9 Jul 07
i am familiar with the concept of open marriages but have not come across any one seems like it is a closely guarded secret.well ive not been in one. One has to worry about diseases due to multiple partners, i fantisize having multiple partners but never been in such relationship.
@twils2 (1821)
• United States
7 Apr 07
I am familiar with the concept but I know I couldnt be part of one. If it works for you, great but I am a jelous guy and I couldnt allow my wife and I know she wouldnt allow me to be part of such a marriage. Personally if your going to be part of an open marriage, Why be in a relationship at all, then you can do whatever you want to whoever allows you to. Just my two cents but you asked.