Polyamory. Can You Love More Than One?

Polyamory logo - One of the few symbols that have been created to show the polyamory lifestyle.
@freak369 (4974)
United States
April 5, 2007 7:24am CST
Polyamory is when you are involved with more than one person at a time. These are no one night stands but solid relatiosnhips that exist at the same time. Do you think you could be involved in such a thing? Some will say that it is impossible to love or be in love with two people at the same time. I have to disagree. There have to be limits and boundaries set up for everyone involved but I think that it is possible to have a solid, credible relationship with more than one person at a time. Have you ever felt that you were in love with one person but connected to someone else at the same time? this is completely different from polygamy which is having more than one spouse.
9 people like this
11 responses
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
6 Apr 07
I believe that could be true, but I'm not in that situation. You could compare the situation to a family. You love your first child so much, but when the second and third children come along you have just as much love for them, but there is no lesser love for your first. The same could be said for love outside the family.
@freak369 (4974)
• United States
6 Apr 07
Very well put!!!
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
6 Apr 07
holy hell what a FANTASTIC way to look at it!! Thanks for posting such a great and thought provoking response mipen!!
3 people like this
@freak369 (4974)
• United States
6 Apr 07
It's posts like that that make me wish you could give double feedback!
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
5 Apr 07
FOUND IT! LOL I have been involved in a relationship like that...I had my husband whom I love very much and have known/been with for nearly ten yrs and I had my bf (we're no longer together, long story LOL) whom I'd know and loved for a yr before I met my husband... You definately have to have limits and boundries and more than that you have to AGREE to the rules mutually IMO.. Like I said, I love my husband deeply but I was head over heels in love with my "other", he was/is and always will be my soulmate (yes my husband knows it)....BUT that doesnt lessen how I feel about my husband by any means.... Its certainly not for evryone by any means...and IMO you have to be a VERY VERY strong person/ppl and couple for it to work....there is no room for jealousy and tempertantrums ya know...But is definately doable and can be a truly wonderful thing
4 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
5 Apr 07
I've been in a polyamorous relationsihp before, and I do very much believe that it can work if done correctly. However, it's not for everyone. =p In my case, it didn't work out because the people involved just weren't willing to work on the relationship, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't work out for everyone. It takes a lot of trust and communication to have a polyamorous relationship. I still feel connected to one particular person other than my spouse, but my hubby and I have decided that monogamy is best for our relationship right now. We have enough things to worry about just between the two of us!
3 people like this
@freak369 (4974)
• United States
5 Apr 07
Awesome, I knew there had to be at least one person out there that had been involved in such a relationship. Thanks for sharing!
2 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
5 Apr 07
No problem. =) To be honest it's something I don't often get a chance to talk about, because the initial reaction I get from people is "You're a cheater". *smacks forehead* There's a big difference between cheating and be in an agreed-upon poly relationship. I do have to say that it takes a lot more work than a monogamous relationship, and a lot of people just aren't cut out for it. I don't know whether I truly am or not, and I'm not sure if I'll ever find out because of my current agreement with my husband, but there are some definite pros if you can pull it off.
3 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
5 Apr 07
LOL yea ppl who arent familiar with it and how it works generally refuse to learn the facts and are far more comfortable spouting off negative uninformed comments....But to each his own...its NOT for everyone and it does take work without a doubt but I dont regret it at all...those yrs are actually some of my most treasured really....
3 people like this
• United States
8 Apr 07
I've felt that before, yes, but never acted on it. See, I know from experience that it's hard to maintain relationships like that. It's also hard to remain friends with one or the other if something like that happens, and you can't keep things going in such a way that all parties are satisfied. Some people think that what you're talking about is being termed a 'player' but there's a difference. A player is someone that has multiple partners, but keeps them all separate from each other, and keeps things hidden, and uses each different person for something else. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through that sort of relationship, as it just hurts most of the people involved, and the person being the player learns nothing. I've had my fair share of relationships, and just maintaining the one at a time is hard at times. Everyone involved has to be willing to make compromises, and if you're not, it doesn't work with one doing all the giving. There are different levels of love, and different intensities involved in it. So, yes, it is possible to love 2 different people at the same time, but it would be on different levels. You may love one more than the other, and love them for much different reasons.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Apr 07
No doubt about it, it's incredibly hard to maintain a polyamorous relationship!! It takes an incredible amount of maturity, open honest communication, and more. Poly is definitely not for everyone!! Far too many people are willing to do what it takes to make it work, mainly taking an honest look in the mirror and being willing to improve what you see!
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I agree, you would love multiple people on different levels. There are many different reasons people are attracted to each other and many different reasons that keep those people together or split them apart over time. Sometimes opposites appear to attract and celebrate 60+ years, other times people who seem to be on the same path and sharing many commonalities blow up relatively early and then never speak amicably again. Sometimes I think this way of relating could be compared to people who are gay/lesbian or bi, sometimes something that is not accepted by everybody is what someone needs to be happy. Bottom line, I don't think it matters if something is majorly accepted or not, if it completes a person, then it is right for them. So many people never find love, how can we judge harshly ANYBODY who does?
• United States
6 Apr 07
I am polyamorous so I KNOW it can be done!! I feel a great deal of pity for anyone who would say it's impossible to love more than one person at the same time! I feel even sorrier for their children though, "nope Jr., can't love you sorry but I can only love your dad!" LOL
3 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
10 Apr 07
Ya know whats really sad about that..I've actually met ppl who get married then have a child and they truly feel they cant or even worse SHOULDNT love them equally and that the hsuband is more deserving - makes me sick to my stomach
1 person likes this
@Erinlpx (179)
• United States
5 Apr 07
I think you can make just about any kind of relationship work if you're willing to put time and effort into it. I couldn't do it though. I'm strictly monogamous - but to each their own! As long as no one gets hurt, and everything is done with the consent of all parties involved I see no issues for those that have no religious/moral leanings.
3 people like this
@Bizziebod (3526)
10 Apr 07
I'm gonna have to agree with your other responders I believe you can love two people at the same time and will second what another person said about loving your children all the same too. I don't have first hand experience but I certainly think it would be possible.
2 people like this
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
22 Sep 08
Yes I have been involved in both polygamy and polyamory in my relationship with my partner. Our first experiment was with a girl who moved in with us and for a while it was wonderful. For me it was like having a sister spouse and I thought it was fun. She was much younger than I but I enjoyed the contact. Unfortunately for us she was not happy and moved on. I do miss her. We never did manage to get another girl to move in with us but my partner did manage a few short term relationships with other women which were interesting. The most recent of which is still a friend but she has found love with someone else. I find that when I talk about this that most women tell me I am misguided but honestly I have no jealousy. I have met every woman my partner has had relations with. I like most of them and I would have like one to fill the hole left by the girl who left up 5 years ago. At the same time I realise that it may not be possible now as we are getting older and it is unlikely that we will find a new woman to share our lives with. However, I would say it is wonderful when it works and I would happily have that in our lives again.
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
23 Apr 08
Hi, Yes a person can fall in love with more than one person at a time. But, that is not the same as true love. True love needs time to grow and does not want another person involved. When you fall in love, you should think about the consiqenses. Just because you fall in love does not mean you must have SX right away. Wait to see who you really love first, befor giving yourself away. Take time to really know what you want. And what ever you choose, it is your choice. Take care.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I don't think I could NOW but there was a point in time when I was younger maybe. I do not think it's impossible to love more than one person at the same time, I'm more hazy about being IN love with more than one. I don't think I have ever experienced that. In any sense, my experience has been that as you feel more love toward one, you naturally feel less love toward the other. It's quite possible that only a small slice of people can balance or manage this. The only concern about this lifestyle is that anybody involved in it has to be okay with how it is. The second you have somebody getting jealous and upset, it brings down the whole house of cards. It takes a lot of strength to have enough trust for this and to allow other people to be involved in your most precious relationships.
• United States
20 Apr 08
it could work out, its just hard. it's hard enough to get along with one other person and make that relationship last, its even harder to do the same with two people