family time

Canada
April 8, 2007 9:42am CST
i'm so big on family time. just me and my daughter. for her birthday we always go to the zoo together and spend all day having fun. now my mom is saying she wants to see her and wants us to change our plans. the thing is i don't get along with my mother and if we go there we always get in a figh or i'm so uncomfterble. but she is family as well and i'm not sure what to do. we don't have time to just stop in after the zoo cause it's 35 minutes out of our way and by the time we get back it's my daughter's bedtime.
4 responses
@mzz663 (2775)
• United States
8 Apr 07
Grandparents have a way of spoiling their grandkids more than us parents do. I'm kind of in a similar situation but don't want my kids to "not know" their grandparents, the problem between me and my parents is not between my kids and the grandparents. And don't want my kids someday to do the same thing to me, so I let them see their grandparents on occasion. The only solution I can think of for you at this point? Ask grandma to meet you at the zoo an hour after you're there....that will give you time with your daughter and your mother will get a little time with her also. Explain to your mother that this is you and your daughters tradition (spending time together at the zoo) if she would like to join you two, she's welcome to. This is a public place, where a fight or scene would be less likely to happen than in your mothers home or yours. And if things do happen to go sour, you can tell your daughter.....honey, it's time to go home, tell grandma bye. Funny thing though, I have found my parents tend to spoil my kids in a situation like that. So it may not be fun to have your mother by your side, but your daughter might like it and have fun, memories and pictures that she cherishes. Good luck! Hope something works out for you! Happy Birthday to your daughter!
1 person likes this
@mzz663 (2775)
• United States
8 Apr 07
....ask your daughter if she would like to meet grandma at the zoo... the up part of it is that if your mother was abusive to you, you'll be there to tend to your daugher and can intervene if necessary.
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Apr 07
thanks for the advice. the zoo is 2 hours away from my mohter's house. she won't go just for a few hours and it costs almost $50 to get in. she doesn't like driving out of her way. we always miss half the zoo as is. so i'm not leaving early to drive to my mother's house and then come home. lots of driving that day for a 3 year old. my mother lives half an hour out of the way for us as well so my daughter will be too tired after a day at the zoo and anoutehr half hour drive to my mother's and back home. hopefully she'll take my offer on seeing her the following day instead.
@mzz663 (2775)
• United States
10 Apr 07
an even better reason to ask her to go there if you know she'll say no! at least she'll know your plans and she can't say you didnt give her a choice!! ;)
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@massageeh (966)
• Taiwan
8 Apr 07
I guess it all depend on how much you would like your mother in your daughter's life. You and your mother may have differences. But, are you willing to let your daughter to be without a grandmother. I don't know you or your grandmother, but I'm just think how your daughter might feel. Hope all works out for you.
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Apr 07
i let them see each other. they are usually together once a week. i don't keep them apart at all. i know what it was like to grow up not having much family so i don't want that to happen to her but it's just my day with my child. we do this every year for the past 3 years and i allready have the plans made and she wants me to change just for her. my duaghter wants to go to the zoo as well. i'm trying to comprimise to go there the following day but my mother is very demanding.
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
8 Apr 07
i think you should make the time for your mother to visit your child. and cant you maby try to get along while you are there? I just lost my mother and although we didnt always see eye to eye I wish to God I had more time to spend with her and to share my children with her.
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Apr 07
you don't knoe the whole story of why we can't get along. i just feel very uncomfterble there. she doens't want me there she wants my daughter there. i didn't grow up with her. i mostly lived in a foster home becuase i was abused. so we both don't like each other much.
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
10 Apr 07
Well i'm the same but different, whenever my daughter has a first event, my family think they'll be coming along - unfortunately they wont be so it's easier for us if we just don't tell them. Already they all think they deserve all the time with her on holidays & such but it'll change - coz i'm sick of not having ANY family time with just my partner & daughter! How about you ask your mum if you can meet her somewhere - neutral territory - for a coffee or something but only for a short while, then it wont interfere with YOUR zoo day but she'll still get to see her Granddaughter? Good Luck, sorry it's such a difficult situation!
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