wat would you do if you found your bf cheating on you.....???

@diillu (5128)
April 8, 2007 12:05pm CST
i hab been in a relationship for like 3years and i found out that my bf was cheating on me..?? one day accidently i happen to use his mobile and in his mobile i found a message send to another gurl/...in a sent items..he had deleted everythin...in inbox... i just dont know wat to do...ii just don know how to act.. to talk directly bout him or just stay and wait....??? im afraid i might hurt him sometime it would be like not trusting but again these things are eating me up so bad....???
6 people like this
29 responses
@smartmom (827)
• United States
8 Apr 07
First of all you definitely have to sit down and think things true, make it clear to yourself what you will do if he in fact is cheating. I would not confront him immediatly, as this often brings about some terrible fights and accusations without any real substance, and you just end up hurting each other. You say that you have been in the relationship for three years, and I will say that this really gives grounds for some serious thinking. Afterall you have spent three of your best years with this man, and you probably (and hopefully) know him better than anyone else. I would seriosly advice you from going ahead and confronting him before you have some more surety to your suspision. It is always best to think things thru, before you go into a fight or an ugly situation. If I were you, I would snoop around a bit, since if he really is cheating on you, he is very likely to lie to your face. After all if he is cheating, this is what he has been doing to you, isn't it? So my advice, keep your head cool, take a good look at your situation, tell your best friend about the suspicion and make a game plan for how you can figure out if he is actually cheating, even if it means spying a bit. If he really is cheating, please do get rid off him, he will be very likely to do it again, and as you are still not married and do not have any children (at least I don't think so) with this man, then this is your time to move on. If children first come in to the picture, this situation will change completely, and everything will get so much more complicated and ugly, and there will be so much more regret. I really wish you all the best, and lots of good luck. I seriously hope that it all is a big misunderstanding, and I hope you will figure everything out.
@nicole6 (43)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
i'll talk to him about it, ask what's his the problem. I rather talk to him in person that nagg him or insult him over a crowd. For me, its a big deal if he's going to tell me that he dont love me anymore or she is already in love with some one else that find it out from another person.Of course i'll be hurt. I just want him to tell me about personally.I dont think i can trust him agin after, it better if we just broke up
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
8 Apr 07
it depends on what the message said, Could it have been a female friend he was just texting, or was it someone he is haveing relations with. could you tell from the message, or are you just freaking out because it is a girl period. You may want to make sure you have all your facts straight before you confront him. It could be harmless,and you dont' want to mess up a good relationship over assumptions. Just be careful, and never speak to him about it when you are angry. Good luck!
3 people like this
@Bedient43 (250)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Break up with him immeadiatley. Because if it gets to the point where hes going to break up with you he will feel like hes the bigger person. but if you break up with him and dont tell him anything he will feel weird because he will be asking himself questions like what did i do? did she see my phone? Did i do something wrong? then he will feell weird
2 people like this
@smartmom (827)
• United States
9 Apr 07
I am sorry, but did you not read dillu's post? She has been dating the man for three years, I think they are a bit past the "who breaks up with who first" stage. I am sorry, but I had to comment on your comment, it seems a bit out of place.
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Apr 07
There are a few things to take into account before you go confronting him. Firstly, is it possible that he could have sent it to a girl just as a friendly text, or was there something that made it CLEAR that he's cheating on you? If it's clear that he's cheating on you, then confront him by all means, but you need to be careful. He'll figure out that you went through his phone and then he may very well accuse you of spying on him and "checking up" on him so to speak, and things could turn ugly. I wish you luck.
2 people like this
@diillu (5128)
9 Apr 07
it has said like........ "u too think about it okay"...and the number was like i have never seen before and he hav not save the number,....i must have to say no name number
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
I would confront him immediately. I'm that kind of person that couldn't wait ,especially things like this. I want to resolve this conflict immediately after I discover something. Becuase there is pain and I want that pain to be with me in a shorter time.
2 people like this
@diillu (5128)
9 Apr 07
im just afraid that i might hurt him..if thats not the actual thing what im thinkin..then this confronting him without thinkin might put our relation at risk..im afraid that we might start looking each other at different way.. he might start acting weird....im just so afraid.
@jenille (52)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
i will confront him right away about the message... because if you're in the relationship for 3 years it is very impossible that you dont know all your bf/gf's friends and so what if the message is for one of his girl friends? it is really depends on the content of the message because he can also court his friends...
@prestocaro (1254)
• United States
8 Apr 07
It sounds like you are trying to pretend that you didn't see that message. That must be very, very hard on you! I think you should get this issue out in the open. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding -- or maybe not -- but why should you help him keep his secret? He is keeping it from you! You need to tell him what you saw, and how it hurt your feelings. If he feels spied upon, so be it, but that doesn't change the fact that he did it. He violated your trust in him -- a trust that you both built between each other over three years. Don't be afraid of hurting him. He brought this on himself by sneaking and decieving you. Be strong and trust your instincts! I hope this situation is resolved. Either the case -- if you fix things and try to continue or end the relationship -- it is better than you are true to yourself and your feelings.
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
i would confront him and ask him whats the real score. when i finally heard his side, thats the only time i would make a decision. :]
2 people like this
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
9 Apr 07
Was he really cheating or did you just find a message he sent to someone else? What did the message say? If he was cheating and you know for sure than you HAVE to break up with him. This is terrible bahviour and you WON'T ever trust him. I know because I'v been there. I stayed with a man who cheated on me for years and I felt terrible about myself, obsessed with the other woman even though she was out of the picture. I obsessed with WHY he did it, and what they did together, and I never trusted him EVER again. Everytime he was late coming home I would wonder if he was telling me the truth. When we finally broke up I felt FREE! Free of all the wondering about him and the insecurity, and I felt low self esteem because I wondered why I was so desperate that I woudl stay with a man who CHEATED. Don't stay with him. It will hurt to leave, but it will hurt more to stay. He destroyed the relationship by cheating, it's over. There are no second chances.
1 person likes this
@diillu (5128)
9 Apr 07
wounldn't forgiving and starting over make sense...????
@juskoday (183)
• Philippines
9 Apr 07
This actually happened to me. I found out he was going on with another girl (A FRIEND TO BOOT! ARGH!) behind my back. initially, i confronted him about it and we tried to work things out but in the end we stopped seeing one another.
1 person likes this
@cabergren (1181)
• United States
9 Apr 07
I believe in being honest with your partner. So you have to confront them about this. If I was in a relationship and I thought my partner was cheating I would confront them. And if it was true I would leave the relationship. I can't be with someone that isn't honest with me.
1 person likes this
@george66 (180)
• United States
9 Apr 07
If you are sure he was cheating you, then break with him. He can cheat on you now, then he can cheat on you later. I bet you would not want a marriage without trusting
1 person likes this
@youless (97008)
• Guangzhou, China
3 Nov 07
I will be so angry to it because I hate anybody cheats me. Once I am cheated, I won't trust this one any more. If he cheats me, then he doesn't deserve my love any more and I will leave him.
@brand4less (1061)
• Indonesia
24 Aug 07
NO I would not accept a cheating boyfriend nor take them back...forget reasons and circumstances to why someone would cheat on you..If someone is having problems in their relationship, they need to tell you and work it out with love and respect or break things off if need be. Do me the favor of just telling me that things are not working instead of putting all that extra stress on me...
@hcromer (2712)
• United States
9 Apr 07
If I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me, I would leave him with no questions asked. Be sure that he's actually cheating on you before you do anything too drastic though!
• United States
9 Apr 07
You don't have to "confront" him just talk to him he is your BF so you should be able to talk to him about anything so just tell him how it is just like you typed it in here on mylot and just listen to his side of the story. I don't belive in jealous relationships but people deleting messages from there in box is suspicious only if he is not the kind of person to do this.... for me I read things then delete them for my Husband he leaves everything in the inbox "so he can find it" so if I saw he was deleting thing I would know something was up. You should just ask him whats going on.
@palina77 (1178)
• United States
9 Apr 07
I will put my urine in a glass, then will mix orange juice or other drinks he loved and then will freeze it and will try to drink it to him, then will tell it is the reward of great cheater.
@anjigs04 (37)
• Philippines
9 Apr 07
You shouldnt need to look through his phone or anything- you should talk it out calmly and be the better person and have an open mind- be open, honest, talk about how you feel and what happened and why its worrying you- its the only way rather than arguing, shouting, and someone getting hurt- its also the only healthy way to live- seriously. No need to make things complicated, it doesnt get you anywhere at all regardless what people say. Talk to him, look him in the eye... and look at the body language. Why beat yourself over it thingking 2 billion questions and worrying yourself even more when you can just go upfront, talk about it and get it over with without having headaches and what not? It makes you stronger, better and know that you can tackle these obstacles... you would also be in control and shows how committed you are to making this work. Its what its about.
@eyewitness (1577)
• Netherlands
9 Apr 07
i would confront him either.you 're afraid of hurting him you say,but think about this he's cheating on you then he's hurting you. So don't feel sorry for him.You cannot trust him why should you worry about him getting hurt and you not trusting him?