Parenting

United States
April 8, 2007 10:44pm CST
Why are men so afraid of handling a newborn? I just had a baby a week ago (my fifth) and my husband acts like if he holds him he'll catch some sort of disease. If he does hold him he gives him back after only a few minutes, and he has yet to change a diaper. He was like this for all of my children, and after they each got a little bigger he became more involved. He says newborns are too small and he's afraid of dropping him or hurting him in some way. Is he lying or is this common as far as men and babies go? I'd really like some feedback as I feel a little hurt and disappointed that he isn't bonding with our son the way that I am.
3 responses
@biwasaki (1745)
• United States
7 May 07
My goodness, you are describing my husband as well! With all three of our children it took him a few months to really start being involved with their care. He said that he was afraid of dropping them or that he would hurt them by accident. I think this must be some kind of universal husband trait. *LoL* As long as he is getting involved when they get bigger, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Our daughters have bonded well with my husband (they're 4 and 2) despite his inattentiveness in the beginning. Don't take it personally, you've said that your husband gets involved when the kids got older so I'm sure it will be the same in this case.
• United States
9 May 07
I guess men are just naturally the opposite of women when it comes to babies (at least most seem to be). While I absolutely love holding and cuddling my son, he avoids doing this like the plague. Luckily he does make up for it when they get a little bit older, but for right now my son doesn't even really know his dad. Thanks for the comment!
@biwasaki (1745)
• United States
9 May 07
My husband doesn't cuddle with our son either. He thinks it will spoil him to be carried all the time. I feel the opposite is true, that he needs to be carried and cuddled because he's so young. I don't carry him all day though, just enough that he feels like he's getting some love and attention.
• India
9 Apr 07
This happens with most of the men. Men cannot handle new born baby very well, they fear of dropping the baby so avoid for few months. When baby is grown up properly, they spare time. Love for children is always there but due to insecurity feeling they avoid to holding. Don't worry, your hubby will handle the new baby also as handled to other four babies. This is common habit of man. Need not to worry much. You handle for 6 months at least, then he will handle. He loves your son as you love. No difference.
• United States
9 Apr 07
That's exactly what my husband says. Our son is too little right now and he's afraid to hurt him. He knows that I know what I'm doing so he leaves the handling up to me. He does talk to and touch him a lot, which shows that he does love him. Thanks for the response. It helped a lot.
@cruzades (661)
• Philippines
9 Apr 07
Personally, when we have our first baby, I'm afraid to touch my baby at first, the main reason was, I thinking of I'm might break my baby's bones, she so brittle (I'm thinking), and any wrong handling will be a disaster. I might enjoy watching her (baby girl) instead.
• United States
9 Apr 07
Thanks for your comment. It makes it a lot easier to know that he is not the only one who feels this way and that it doesn't mean that he loves our son any less than I do.