Do you raise your children like your parents did?

Germany
April 8, 2007 11:45pm CST
Do you raise them like your parents did with you or are there some elementary differences? Are there things your parents did, you would never do to your children? My breeding is very different to my parents when I was a child, but sometimes I do not know if it's right or not what I'm doing. I give my daughter (7) the right to decide many things on their own to advance her self-assurance.Only things seems to be dangerous, banful I decide for her. But sometimes I'm afflicted by doubts, because my mother says it's not right what I'm doing.
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22 responses
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
9 Apr 07
No I did not raise my children like my parents did I have my own way of raising children, yes there are a lot of difference that I have as I believe not only to be their parent but also to be their best friend so that they can talk to me about their problems. yes I think that our children should be able to have choices in their lives, this is good for them. Well you are the mother of your child and as long as she is not doing anything dangerous then I think it is right.
• Germany
9 Apr 07
Thank you for your response. I think, it's really good to be the best friend of our children. So they can confide in us and tell us about if there are some problems.
• India
9 Apr 07
same here. my son is also 7 and i have given him a free rein in many matters. my mother is a strict disciplinarian and during my childhood years i used to scared of her like hell. even in my teens i could never talk to her freely and hid many issues from her, which later boomeranged. i just HATED those years and still now i yearn for a normal relation with her, where i can tell things on her face, which she may not like. remembering those dreadful times and the things i did without telling her anything, i try to be as free and frank with my growing son. most of all, i would not like him to hide anything from me. that's why i talk to him like a friend more and a parent less. many times i've also apologised to him for scolding or spanking. but my mom says its not right to be so open with growing childred. they should have the fear of parents otherwise they are not properly disciplined. even i face the same dilemna as you, day in day out. my hubby is neutral.
1 person likes this
• Germany
9 Apr 07
Right, I could not better explain (must more improve my english, lol). Your words say, what I think. I also apologised to my daughter, if I did something wrong to her and I think this is a kind of respect.
@kishusia (1069)
• India
9 Apr 07
Those were different times as our elders say. I was brought up in a big joint family having grandparents, parents, uncles, aunties, their children. My family is not that big and consists of my in-laws, husband, brother-in-law and his wife and two daughters. I am trying to raise my daughters in the similar manner I was raised. All my family members help me in this.
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• Germany
9 Apr 07
I think it's very important to have the help of the family.
@SachseMom (449)
• United States
9 Apr 07
I think that giving them choices is good but I'm not sure about them deciding everything on their own. Do they respect authority and do they understand that what they want they can't always have. There has to be limits. I don't raise my children like I was raised. I do give them choices. It's not "because I said" and they are raised going to church. Which is very important to me and my husband. They also are more involved in sports at a younger age than we were. I do blieve like my parents in no sweets and soft drinks unitl they are much older.
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• Germany
9 Apr 07
That was what I meaned. Sure, she can not decide all on their own, but such things like which time of the day she takes her shower or things she don't like to eat. And if I've to give her restrictions, I explain her the reason, my parents never did this.
@foogirl (87)
• United States
10 Apr 07
I guess it depends on the situation. I was raised by my mother only after I turned 10 and she was very strict and overbearing. I'm not saying that it was always bad though. I learned how to cook and clean and all the things that I've needed as an adult. She didn't really give me much choice in things, and that's where I've decided things should and will be different. My Mother also didn't show alot of affection, so I never really felt very close to her, and still don't. I'm hoping that this will be the major change in relationships for me and my daughter compared to me and my mother. I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to get thru her growing up years...I type this as I'm mentally crossing my fingers :)
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• Philippines
9 Apr 07
I doubt I would raise my children the way my parents brought me up. I'll raise them based on what I believe a child should be raised. I've seen my parents method and I don't like it. Perhaps, because my dad always beat us. I've been reading books and listening to parents' opinion on how to raise children. I hope this will help me a lot in raising good children.
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• United States
9 Apr 07
i am not sure that i why i m not thinking about children i am not even thinking about marriage, too much hassle
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@ironstruck (2299)
• Canada
9 Apr 07
I didn't raise my son anything like I was raised by my father. He was a terrible father. I had little support from him in anything I ever did. He never had the time to watch me in the sports that I loved. For my son, it was the exact opposite. I supported him every step of the way. I was one of the parents that you would see at every single game he was in. It made such a difference to him.
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• India
9 Apr 07
life teaches you many lessons and these lessons make you understand the cruel realities of life i may not be the qualified person to take person to take part in this discussion but still i feel that i can play a vital role in this discussion because i m still a child. i say what my parents do for me is unquestionably correct they give me my space and allow me to take my decision they are the best parents in the world. they have given their every asset to give me the best education they can give me. and going to give the same to my children in future my parents and my ideals and i want to be the same for my children
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@blueyes (56)
• Canada
9 Apr 07
hi i do some what. I jst make sure that they know i am boss, this my my place i have rule they have to follow. If they misbehave there will be penalty to pay.i don't fall for i got a belly ache or a head or i don't feel good. They have to be sick to their stomach before they stay home. I can tell you one thing they only miss about 4 days of school all year if not any. If they are sick they don't go out not at all. Where they feel better when schools out or not. Then when it comes to thier rooms if it is a mess and don't want to clean it. Everything that is on the floor goes in the garbage.After a couple times of doing that they keep thier toys picked up. My kids are good kids and they do good in school. I always have good reports coming home from the teachers about how lovely it is to have my kids in their class. My kids know i mean business and their is no fooly around. That is the way i was raised and i hope and i have grandkids that they will be raised to know to take responiblity for their action and their belongs.
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• Philippines
9 Apr 07
I still don't have kids but if i do It will be better to raise my children the way my parents raise me. But ofcourse it will be a little bit different cause i will remove some of the things that i didn't approve with.. but for other things, i think they did a great job on me! Ü
• United States
9 Apr 07
In somerespect I want to copy my parents but not in each respect. My parents were very good in giving us good food habbit. I had my special study table from my childhood. But I will not like to copy everything.
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@collstarx (1177)
• Indonesia
9 Apr 07
I think no there is mistakenly to teach our child was the same as what was done by our parents to us, If you felt you are successfull in your life certainly because of good teaching your parents, I think. Best regards
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• United States
9 Apr 07
Well my daughter feels that she is in a bubble,when i was 8 I definitly had alot more freedom than I wanted although I did have a strict curfew and strict rules I really was able to go off all day where ever basically because i lived in a housing complex so i was able to just go.Well i now also live in a similar complex but my daughter is not allowed to basically leave from our porch area and she is 8,althiugh i disagree with some of my moms methods i appreciate them because they gave me foundations on my own parenting.
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• Brazil
9 Apr 07
well, i think there are two different meanings in this. The first thing is to raise your children how your parents want. This happenes if the parents still live, and live very close with you. For example they make babysitting or live in the same city etc. Its good and its important to have a fmaily and your children have grandparents, but its a dangerous situation, because many of the grandparents want to influence they way you educate your children. Thats understandable, but not right. The children are my children, and i educate them how i think its right. My parents educated me how they thought its right, and i have the right to do the same with my children. the second thing is that in the beginning if yiu have own children, many couples try to create their children exactly the opposite way their parents did. They only see the bad things about their youth and want to make everything better, different. But with the years most of them, including me, find that the wya their parents educate themselves was not so bad. And surprisingly they educate their children nearly the same how was . The understand now why their parents did some things how they did. They simple had no choice. They were exhausted like we are now, they didnt have the time to make things better, like we dont have now. Its good if the grandparents sill live then when it comes to this point. The relation with them will be much better than ever, because you see that you are really the child of your parents, sometimes very different, but in general as they are. in good and bad, if you are edducated to be a good person, with moral and integrity you will do the same with our children. If you were not, it needs a lot of man to change this. since i have children of my own, i both respect and love my parents more than ever.
• Philippines
9 Apr 07
I somehow have the tendency to adapt the styles my parents used in bringing me and my siblings up. Well, looking at the kind of persons that we ended up to be I don't see any reason not to try to do what they did to us or be how they were with us. Of course my parents were not perfect. That's why I try be a better version by not doing the things that I think is not applicable now or the things that I think should have been handled differently then. I'm blessed that my father and my parents-in-law do not meddle with how we raise our baby. On second thought, it might be too early to tell. My baby's only 5 months today and I'm praying hard that we wouldn't have problems with her grandparents when it comes to our parenting style.
• India
9 Apr 07
I will raise my children the same way as my parents did, with some changes according to this current situation of the world. When we were young, there were no so many advancements in technology and day to day life, but, today science and technology is changing day by day at a faster rate. So, it is better to teach them the good habits and traditions of our family. They should be given the right to decide the things and we can help them whenever they need it. At the same time we should follow their activities and correct them, if they go wrong at certain situations
• United States
9 Apr 07
My parents were great parents! We didn't have alot of money, and went without alot of stuff, but I the always protected, cared, and loved me. I try to do the same thing with my children. But times have changed since I was child, so you can't use all the same techniques they did. The kids are growing up so fast, and more is expected of them now.
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@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
9 Apr 07
No I raise my kids OPPOSITE to how I was raised (learning how NOT to be a parent was the only good thing to come out of my childhood).....My mother always objects to how i do things but it really doesnt phase me especially considering she doenst know the first thing about being a good parent and more than that, my kids have been great kids and are on their way to being amazing adults...
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@webbyman (183)
• Philippines
9 Apr 07
I will just take the good things that my parents taught me and apply it to my children. For me, moral values is very important in rearing a child. My parents taught me good values and this is what i want them to acquire too. Respect and acceptance is very important in a circle of family. Parents do mistakes too and they should realize that since we are just human. And as parents, we should be responsible enough to all our actions to become a roll model to our family. Without your dignity sometimes it's difficult to earn their respect.
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