Doomed to be Divorced?

@hcromer (2712)
United States
April 10, 2007 12:08am CST
When I was 16, one of my co-workers (who was training to become a preacher) told me that since my parents were divorced that I had no hope of ever being in a healthy relationship in my life. I bawled my eyes out and it's still stuck with me 5 years later. Do you think that it is really a trend that people who have come from divorced families are more likely to get divorced themselves one day?
5 people like this
10 responses
• India
10 Apr 07
Dear hcromer, thats rubbish, who ever told u that. doesnt that person want to see you happy? surely that preacher is gonna doom many a people. i am aghast at learning such words from a person who is gonna be a pastor, who is supposed to teach good faith, who is supposed to encourage and who is supposed to guide you in the right path. if he cannot think positive, then he has no right to be a preacher. im sorry, i have spoken too much, but i was disturbed to listen to you, my frend, that you have been misled in your thoughts. ive had the most unlikeliest of the marriage in my family, a inter religious marriage. and at the start, many a people discouraged me and said that we are in for a short time together. its 8 years now, and we are still going strong together and we will till one of us depart from this world. frend, divorce is just a mal function of a situation. and it is not heriditary. if you love someone, just trust in that person and surely every thing will be alright. be positive in your thoughts and dont worry about what the world has to tell to you. it is you and your partner that has to brave the world and i am pretty sure that you both will do so. trust in your man on the earth and trust in God, who is above. i wish you all the very best.
• United States
10 Apr 07
wow, your co-worker was not only wrong, but rude and inconsiderate as well. of course there's a chance that if you marry you'll get divorced, but no more of a chance thena anyone else's.
2 people like this
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
10 Apr 07
It is possible but, I believe the opposite is possible also. Because your parents divorced you have seen the ugly side of a relationship. You may be more apt to be careful in your choosing and to be really sure of all the possibilities before marrying. You may take longet to get to know someone before deciding. you may also spend more time working on your relationship so as not to make the same mistake. Do not be hard on yourself because of your parents failure. I hope this co-worker got a lot more training before becoming a preacher because that was a mean and cruel thing to say to you. I do not know of any preacher that would say such a thing to someone. Preachers are usualy optimistic and not pessimistic.
@all4ucnc (861)
• United States
10 Apr 07
I don't beleive that at all....My mom is on her third husband, I married my high school sweetheart, and after 14 years he is still my best friend. My dad's wife, my stepmom has been married five times, yet her parents had been married for 50 years...It just the luck of the draw, has nothing to do with being a carbon copy of your parents.....Besides a lot of the time you live and learn, see things that happened with your parents and vow to be different.
2 people like this
@Teyjattt (126)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Just to be devil's advocate, let me say this... most of the divorce's I've seen, including my parents, is because one or both partners takes the other for granted. If that is a trait of your parents that you also adopt when you become comfortable in a relationship, then it is likely you will be doomed to be divorced. Now for something positive, you can recognize the things your parents did wrong (or in my case what they did wrong 5 times between the two of them) so you don't repeat their mistakes. Love and marriage isn't easy, it takes work. Just like a plant, you need to care for it, nurture it, tend to it. And like a plant, if you stop taking care of it after it has first bloomed, it will die. The choice is yours if you want to continue nurturing and caring for that which you love, or you can take it for granted and let it wither away.
1 person likes this
• Bhutan
11 Apr 07
I don't think so.. Just because your parents got divorced,you won't get divorced. you need to accept the fact that your parents are divorced for preventing further sufferings and pain and divorce was the best way to get out of sufferings and pains. I wish you all the best..
1 person likes this
• China
11 Apr 07
Of course this is wrong, don't believe any of it. On the contrary, I believe that people from divorced families could always hold a firmer relationship than anyone else, because they know the pain as a child of a pair of divorce parents and how hard they have to face of the folowing life. So don't care about what your so-worker just told you. Its untrue. You can absolutely get a long and happy marriage.
1 person likes this
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
10 Apr 07
This is not true at all. My family is living proof of that. My dad's parents were divorced, and yet my parents celebrated their 51's anniversary last year. My parents have five children. All three of my sisters are divorced, on of them twice. My brother lived with his first girlfriend and her for two years although they were not legally married. They split up long ago in the equivalent of a nasty divorce. Now, he and his current wife are very unhappily married and have been talking about divorce for several years. Me, I have never been legally married, but have been in a couple of partnerships, each lasting quite a few years and each ending up in the equivalent of a divorce. I hope for better for my children. It doesn't mean that it will happen, but just because our relationships or those of our parents turn out to be a certain way does not mean that that will carry on to those of our children. Just be careful in choosing the right man, and do not worry about what anyone tells you, especially your co-worker. You have just as good of a chance for a strong and healthy relationship as anyone else.
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
I don't think so that will happened in your life.It is ourself that is responsible in every action that will take place in our life.Thus it is our choice to make it happened in our future relationship and families.
@adelss (2)
• Nigeria
12 Apr 07
I think its not right to allow other people tell you you are what you are not. You dont have to believe/accept whatever negative thing anybody say about you. Divorce is not a thing to be proud of hence its important we have the right frame of mind towards the person we are getting married to and know him to be a true friend that feels the same way about us.