How do i break up with an abusive boyfriend?

United States
April 13, 2007 12:05pm CST
I really need help. I dont have many friends becuz i spent all my time with him instead. Yesterday we went to the mall with my best friend and his brother. She needed help swimsuit shopping with my only so i asked my bf to stay with his brother for a little bit. He tends to get jealous of my friends so he got mad and was like yeah whatever. While shopping for swimsuits he texts me saying find a ride home b*tch. and you dont care about me. and other stuff like that. So i rushed swimsuit shopping and found him rite away so he would no longer be mad. I was mad bcuz i couldnt believe he sent those texts to me. He also acts like nothing happens and asks me to buy him shorts bcuz i never buy him anything supposedly. I get angry and say that i found a ride home. He goes ballistic and takes his brother and they start walking out the mall..after he say F*CK THAT SH*T. My best friend knows hes like that and he loves me a lot so she doesnt say anything. We follow them to the parking lot. I try to grab his arm and he pushes me away, so he was acting like a girl -_- Anyways im crying cuz im so embarrased and mad at him. He pull me to the side *i have a bruise on my arm now* and says all this stuff. I'm crying so much saying i just gotta get home. He throws the wallet he got me on the ground and says i dont care about him and im ungrateful. I beg him to take us home so he agrees, we dont talk during the car ride because im just crying. When he drops my friend off, he tries being gentle with me by trying to hold my hand and stuff but i was still really mad at him for what happened. So i told him it was over. He went crazy. And my brother came there and took me home. My brother and him are best pals so he wont let me break up with him. Today hes still sending me texts saying i never gave him sh*t and i was the one that messed up. He calls my house constantly to annoy my parents i guess. He calls me and says stuff like i never cared and he treated me like a queen and im ungrateful. I know hes just trying to make me feel guilty but i dont know how to get rid of it.=(
10 people like this
44 responses
@nicolec (2674)
• United States
13 Apr 07
Girl, you're only 17. You have your whole life ahead of you. I would not be bogged down by one jerk. Do not return his phone calls. Tell your parents how he is behaving. If they care for you, they will protect you from him. It is time to leave him and move on with your life. Soon you will be headed to college and will meet many wonderful boys. I can't say that dating gets any easier. But I can tell you that you will learn quickly from this. You will learn to respect yourself and not take that kind of treatment from anyone. It does not matter that your brother is friends with him. Your brother does not control your life. You do. You deserve better.
@cowgirl2701 (2081)
• United States
13 Apr 07
First off my son would kick the guys a** if he treated his sister that way. He wouldn't let her see him anymore. He definitely wouldn't be his friend anymore. Your brother should stick up for you and shouldn't want you treated like that. Have you told your parents how this guy treats you. They should be mad and answering the phone to tell the him to stay away from you. That guy wouldn't stand a chance if you were my daughter. There would be a court order for him to stay away. I have done that before to keep an abusive person away from one of my girls. I don't know how old you are if you are old enough get one yourself. If not ask your parents to. That is what they are for to protect you from bad people and things. You deserve better than him. It is not your fault. It is his. He has a problem.
@twilight021 (2060)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I'm so glad that you are seeing that this is not a good situation to be in. You are absolutely right that he is sbusive and removing yourself from this situation is the best thing that you can do. It seems like his view of the sitation is pretty skewed. He says he treats you like a queen? So apparently he pushes, insults, and humilates Queens? Being tempremental is one thing (and it sounds like he is a ticking time bomb), but no one should EVER physically harm you. And good for you for being strong enough to realize that! That makes me very happy for you. You are obviously a very strong person who can stand up for herself. Let you parents know what is going on. If things get really harassing, you can threaten legal ramifications, such as a restraining order. But hopefully it won't get to that point. Can you block his texts? Don't let him break you down. You did the right thing. I would take this time to rekindle some old friendships and make new ones. You are too young to have your life controled by one guy....if fact, there is never a good age for that to happen! Please keep us posted as to how things go for you.
• United States
13 Apr 07
how do i when hes not letting me break up with him? its like hes always there =/
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Apr 07
If he comes to your house to see your brother, try not to be around. Go to your friends house. Hopefully your parents will give you some support on this. If you can, block his texts, and don't take his calls if you know it's him. Maybe try to get into some new activities or hobbies, this way he won't know your new schedule. What do you like to do for hobbies? Or are there any things you have always wanted to try? I don't know where you live but in my city there are lots of options for cheap activities. Doing some new stuff will keep yourmind off him, and make it harder for him to be stalking your every move.
1 person likes this
@lifetalk (681)
• Pakistan
14 Apr 07
Trust me, from the looks of it, this guy is really not worth it! And moreover, you're just 17 years now! It's something that you should be least concerned about. Boyfriends, girlfriends, love, relationships.. keep them casual at this age. Getting serious about these things wont help. Reason being the fact, that you cannot commit and/or be in legally binding situations! Enjoy your life, be career oriented, and keep your emotions to the casual point. NEVER GET SERIOUS ABOUT IT! Now, coming to the point, just walk upto him, and tell him, that you did care about him, but that is history. You no longer care about it now. You dont want a person who is so abusive. Just be straight, and be yourself, dont try to look angry, or emotional or anything. Tell him it's over, and that he can stop calling you and everything. Tell your brother that you cant be with him. He is just not your type. Indulge in other things, and forget about him. He's just not worth you girl. Good Luck! :)
2 people like this
• United States
14 Apr 07
thank you for the advice. I'm not the one so serious about it, he's more of it because he is a little older. I've been dating him for almost a year and a half. and i know it was wrong for me to let him back into my life after multiple breakups cuz it really hasn't changed even when i gave him more chances. It changes for about a month..then things will go back to normal. so i really do wanna break it off. hes been showering me with sorrys and gifts. so idk where I'm going anymore. your right that im too young to even worry, i became committed at a really young age and it got even more difficult to end a commitment. it's life though, i'm really trying.
@Darkwing (21590)
13 Apr 07
This is a bad situation, and your brother should have no say in whether you break up with his best friend or not. The guy has an obvious problem, which perhaps the male fraternity don't see. What he's dishing out to you is mental abuse, as well as physical. You need to get out of the relationship now, before it's too late. He doesn't love you, he wants to possess you and take you away from your other friends and if you let it go on, it will only get worse. I've been there... so I have a good idea of what you're feeling. I, like you, put up with it for a while, but eventually, I had to walk away. I couldn't put up with that treatment any more. I wrote an article about it in Hub Pages if you would like to read it... it might help. The URL is http://www.hubpages.com/_3adblccwoep3x/hub/EmotionalAbuse/profileDarkwing I hope that will be of some help to you. It explains what emotional abuse is and ways to deal with it. Maybe a word with your parents wouldn't go amiss either, because they will be able to handle the phone calls better. Brightest Blessings ... I hope this all works out for you.
• India
14 Apr 07
Just keep in mind one thing that nobody can force anyone into a particular relationship without your approval. It may mot be easy but its possible. Stop any kind of talks with him, avoid meeting him, don't pick up his calls. Soon this freaky boyfriend of yours will realise that the relationship with you isn't going to work. The bottomline is stop caring about him. Don't give him a sh*t damn attention. BEST OF LUCK!!
• United States
14 Apr 07
Girlfriend, you need to get rid of this guy now before you wind up married to him with kids, and in a really bad situation. The fact that he is your brother's best friend shouldn't matter, your brother isn't the one who is dealing with him romantically, you are. You have the right to not be abused. Abusers want you to believe that you are at fault, and want to control you. He is acting out because he thinks if he does and can make you feel bad then he will feel in control. He knows your buttons and he's going to push them so make a point of not reacting to him if he does somehow get access to you. The whole idea is to get you to react so do your best not to. You need to take responsibility and stop taking his calls, and cut off all contact with him. If he continues to harrass you and or your family contact the police and have a restraining order taken out against him, and or find out what else you can do.
@paulsy (1265)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Do you still love him? If you do love him, then talk to him about this issue. He may be just a bit insecured or lacks assurance from you that no matter who you are with, you do love him very much. Give him that kind of assurance and maybe things will work out better. That is, if you do still love him. However, if you only feel guilty and obliged to go back to him just because he says you are ungrateful, then let it go, tell him straight that you don't feel the same way anymore, that you don't love him anymore.. it's a tough thing to do, but unless you do that, he will keep on believing that he can continue what he is doing because you still love him anyway.
@judyt00 (3504)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
So, he has hurt you, talked to you like you were a hooker, and treats you like garbage, and you think this is love? Hon, he doesn't love you, he thinks he owns you! Do yourself a huge favour, and dump him before he gets really mad and KILLS you! You can do much better than this. Ask your brother to keep out of it and tell him tha he has already hurt you and you shouldn't haveto live with getting beat. If he refuses, tell your parents. i'm sure THEY will talk some sense into your bro. If he continues calling, call the phone company and have his number blocked from your phones. Really, you don't need a boy who treats you like garbage, andwho controls your life. And, i'd suggest that you wait a few hears before sriously dating again, since you obviously aren't mature enough to realize what you are supposed to be treated like.
2 people like this
@fubinbin (52)
• China
14 Apr 07
Obviously this is a bad situation.And your brother should say nothing whether you break up with him or not.You should tell your brother and parents what he has done to you and you're being hurt.I think they will help you and protect you from the bad person.Anyways you should get out of the relationship as quickly as you can.You do.You deserve better.Good luck my friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Apr 07
its so difficult.
@rlonrlon (156)
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
come on. do yourself a favor. you can do it.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Apr 07
well one thing i got to say wants he is like this once he will always be if you give another chance,and another thing your brother is so messed up for wanting his sister as in you be with someone who hits you!i wouldnt listen to your brother and do what you want to do if you want to be in a realtionship where he hits you then go head but i am telling if i was you i would be done with him!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Apr 07
Okay..i followed everyones tips. thank you. but he came over brought me roses got on his knees and broke then. It killed me. i didnt know what to do i accepted his gift but i told him he had to leave =/ i know its pretty pathetic but i couldnt help it. i feel so bad!
• United States
14 Apr 07
what i meant to say was **broke down** instead of break then
@SatoNa (248)
• Indonesia
15 Apr 07
I think you should break up with him. if I were you, I really don't like him. I don't like a rude man.. there are so many kind other boys outside.. so you don't have to affraid to lose him.. Hmm.. I think you should directly tell him what do you feel and you want to. Confront him with extra patient and soft.. or maybe if you still love him, you can tell him you love him, but you can't stand with him if he always do like that and very rude. and you want to be with him again if he can change his manners.. I think if he love you, he will think about it or say sorry. but if he became angry, you should be patient.. maybe he will terror you with rude SMS or telephone.. but if you don't escape and face him with patient.. I think he will stop to terror you. maybe if he call you by telephone, you put the telephone in front of the desk for a while and let him abuse you.. who knows he don't know that you didn't listen to him? =P
• United States
15 Apr 07
your so right. well ill admit i didnt listen and got mad quick he said sorry with roses. but im still iffy about it
• United States
15 Apr 07
You said he won't let you break up with him? Does he follow you around everywhere you go? Does he beat on you? If he is doing all of those things, and he won't let you break up with him, if I were you, I'd go to the police and get a restraining order against him. Try to fix his little red wagon thataway! Try it, and see what happens.
• United States
14 Apr 07
O.k ive read enough. Many people say the same thing but it would be helpful if you had a list of effective options along with some instructions.. You could ... 1) Walk away from a bad situation before it ever happend. 2) Hire a body guard.lol 3) Make a friend out of somone who s strong enough to beat the hell out of 2 people at once and will help and protect you. 3 cont.) or get someone who intimidates him to help you. 4) Get him cought on tape. 5) esstablish a restraining order agianst him for the counts of harrasment. 6) If i was able to you could call me and my crew (friends) will come out there to Kick his @$$. It would intsill fear in him if he knew you had a bunch of anonymous people that would beat him up if something happened to you. lol 7) Think about what you can do. Holla at me when you need more options and need help on deciding what to do.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
You dont deserve to be treated that way! furthermore you dont have to be guilty about anything, since you did nothing to him. For what ever reason he may have why he was acting up like that still does not give him any right to speak to you like that.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
you already broke up with him. and do not take that back. you said that your bf told you that you are ungrateful. ungrateful for what? for cursing you and showing no respect for a woman like you? cut the crap and act like a mature woman. this guy will never change and will only hurt you physically more than what he did to you if you take him back again.
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
I know what you mean. I have been in similar situations. You are young and you need to get away from this guy. You don't need someone who is going to treat you like that. He needs to grow up. Just tell him if he doesn't stop harrassing you your going to call the police....this guy needs a wake-up call....
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
14 Apr 07
Its really quite simple pammerz you just tell this idiot that your tired of him talking to you like your a dog on the street. And you will not put up with this anymore. And avoid him at all costs. Tell him its over. And Im going to say this once never talk to him on the phone. Always just say to him I cant talk to you now and hang up. End of story
• Malaysia
14 Apr 07
just break up with him.he's just a jerk.if he really loves you he wouldn't call you as a b**ch.you must tell your parents how he treated you.after they know they might can help you on this.they can might scolded him when he keeps on calling you.no need answer his calls.just pretend not to be at home.if you are free maybe you can go somewhere else to avoid from seeing him.if he is abusive then he is not the right guy.there are still a lot of guys which are better than him you can get.after you get over him you will be just thinking why you were so stupid for sticking to him.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
14 Apr 07
This is not a healthy relationship and you should get out while you still can. Ï have been in an abusive relation where it started just like this, only to move on to him hitting me instead.. You need to tell him that u have had enough and that u deserve better.
1 person likes this