Would you lend someone money if you knew they wouldn't pay it back?

@Dana5881 (609)
United States
April 16, 2007 3:47pm CST
My husband's cousin is a real deadbeat. She cannot hold jobs, moves from place to place, etc. We have tried to help her out before, loaned her money and she never paid us back. We got over it and said we weren't going to do it again because we don't have a lot of money either and the little we have we work hard for. Well yesterday she called and said she got into some trouble and needed several hundred dollars. She didn't really tell us the whole story but said she would pay us back. We really doubt it. We might have to take it of our savings that we have for emergencies in order to give it to her. Should we go ahead and lend her the money considering she's family and all?
2 people like this
9 responses
@4cuteboys (4102)
• United States
16 Apr 07
No I wouldnt do it unless you are OK with not getting paid back. That's just my opinion. If you are ok losing the money then loan it, if not dont. I wouldnt because we need our money for the kids and emergencies. If you really like her and want to helo though do it-you can always get more money but family is family. If you need the money tell her no and your sorry but you don't have any to spare.
2 people like this
@Dana5881 (609)
• United States
16 Apr 07
We really can't afford to lose the money so I feel the same way you do. I don't really like her either.
• Canada
16 Apr 07
It depends how close they are, and what kind of person they are. Being a cousin, they'd have to be somebody truly genuine and in need. If you are helping them ONLY because you share a grandparent, and they are just being a leech, let them learn not to take family for granted.
2 people like this
@mdchennai (2129)
• India
18 Apr 07
Well, first of all try to find out her problem. If you find something wrong with the problem then it is better that you dont give the money. But if you find that truly there is some problem and they are in total need of it then you will have to give money in such a way that you convince them to return the money back. You give them a reason such that they return the money back. I hope that this will help you to sort out the problem :)
@Dana5881 (609)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Good advice. I will try and talk to her rather than just hand her money.
• United States
17 Apr 07
I don't beleive it matters if she can pay it back or not. If you want to help someone you just do it. Which you have. withen you story you said she was a deadbeat now this is a whole new sennerio because she isn't helping herself and you must use tough love and say NO. Because if she isn't trying to help herself you can't enable her any longer. Just say NO because it might force her to lift herself up and do it for herself. My mother help and help and help me and the last time I got in trouble over 20 years ago she told me You got your self into it you will get your self out of it. I have been doing good ever since and have not had to ask anyone for help since. Be tough its really for her own good. Chef Michael
@Dana5881 (609)
• United States
18 Apr 07
I agree. We have to be tough otherwise she will continue to take advantage of us.
@kommionu (39)
• Estonia
17 Apr 07
Lending people money tends to worsen the relationships. Well. I would lie to her that i dont have any money right now, as that would hold off a conflict. but i guess most people arent as rude as me.
@Dana5881 (609)
• United States
17 Apr 07
We don't have a lot of money now either. She knows we have a lot of bills and a child to raise so I think it was rude of her to ask, the 2nd time after she didn't pay us back the first. We probably will not lend her the money.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
it really depends on who that person is. if that someone is like my brother, i will lend them money, and if i know that one person who asks for help from me, and he is not able to pay and then he might use if for unimportant things, i will not give him a big amount or the exact amount he asks.
@Dana5881 (609)
• United States
16 Apr 07
Yes, I have no idea what she will use the money for and since me and her never really got along, even though she is family, we probably will not give her the money. Not to mention we can't afford it.
@shakeroo (3990)
• Malaysia
18 Apr 07
Definitely not if I know for sure that person would not be paying me back unless I feel like just donating that money away to that person. Once bitten twice shy, that is how I would describe my response.
• United States
17 Apr 07
it depends if i have enough money and some one from my close frn or close relative would ask me for the money then i would lend but if i wont have enough money and some one asks fo unreasonalble amoung of money then i would say no
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
16 Apr 07
No I wouldn't. I would feel bad for not helping her but you don't want to take from your family to help her when she obviously won't help herself. You have helped her in the past and can't continue forever. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and make her own money. I don't want to sound harsh but she needs to learn to be responsible for herself.