Rod Townsend (aka our commenter Momo), sometimes receives telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembers where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town.

"Hello?"

"Sizzlesac, I joined a gym, and let me tell you—I'm completely worn out. "

"That's fantastic! Healthy living! Are you focusing on cardio or weight training?"

"Um, yeah. Those and blowjobs."

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