Call of the Green Monster

Jim Leyland Lights Two of His Players on Fire

Near tragedy struck in the clubhouse of the Detroit Tigers last night after another loss to the Red Sox when two Tigers’ players were lit on fire while sitting near their lockers. Gary Sheffield and...

Many Sox Fans Admit Being Frightened by Hair of Sullivan Tire Guy

Fans have seen the ads on tv for years now. The ubiquitous Sullivan Tire Guy, with his spooky weirdo hair style waving in the breeze, engaged in the cheesiest of ads with various Red Sox figures....

John Henry Fined for Making Menacing Gang-Related Gestures During Sox Game

Fresh off the incident with Paul Pierce of the Celtics being fined for supposedly making a menacing gang-related gesture toward the Atlanta Hawks, Bud Selig acted swiftly early this morning by fining...

Report: Sean Casey Not Nearly as Nice as People Say

He is known as “The Mayor,” and player surveys have revealed new Red Sox Sean Casey is considered to be the nicest player in the game of baseball today. With the shining smile, friendly demeanor, and...

Exclusive: Rampant Sickness in Sox Clubhouse Linked to Old Trot Nixon Hat

The sickness that has gone through the Red Sox clubhouse through the past few days has been troubling to say the least. Terry Francona has been calling regular press conferences to tell people about...

Report: Actual Clam Found in Fenway Clam Chowder

Late last evening the National Seafood Commission (NSC) informed the Boston Red Sox that an actual piece of a clam had been found in a bowl of Fenway Clam Chowder. The Red Sox immediately announced a...

Pope's Shocking Message to Yankees: "No Forgiveness for You!"

It has truly been a historic visit to America for Pope Benedict, punctuated by a mass said in Yankee Stadium--a true display of his willingness to suffer for others--on Sunday. Benedict has used his...

Jerry Remy Plans to Do All Commentary From His Living Room This Season

He has become a broadcasting legend; a man with legions of fans who have sworn allegiance to him and would die for him at a moment's notice. Take a plain white tee-shirt and put on the name RemDawg,...

Some Players Feel Beckett Used Excessive Force in Killing Clubhouse Cockroach

For some Red Sox players, it was a frightening incident. Josh Beckett, known for his mercurial temper, returned to the locker room after a workout the other day, only to find a cockroach crawling...

Sox Young Players Have Some Confused Notions on What Exactly Buckner Did "Wrong"

It was a touching ceremony at Fenway Park to say the least. Bill Buckner, who for generations of morons and those who know little about baseball was the supposed “goat” of the 1986 World Series, was...