what if your mom was a nut??

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Have you thought about attending an Ahlzheimer's group for those who have to deal with them? I can't understand why your mother would mail that letter unless she didn't know what it was or she is also getting it, Alzheimers or ....? Who can tell what she is or isn't thinking? I hope that you will be ok.

Alzheimer's is such a difficult thing (sorry your father and your family have this to deal with) its hard to guess why your mother would have mailed it.

Maybe she didn't know what he'd written. Chances are, too, she wants to carry out his wishes (especially if she didn't know what was in the letter).

Maybe it was her way of not covering for your father. Maybe she assumed you'd understand that what he sent was the product of his illness.

Your mother may also want to respect your father as much now as she would if he weren't ill. That may be something she feels really strongly about, and maybe if he asked her to send the letter she didn't want to ignore his request out of that sense of respecting his wish, even if she knows his wish is "off".

If your family hasn't been in touch with someone who offers support to the family of Alzheimer's patients you may want to talk to everyone about going at least a few times. There are a whole set of issues about how family members deal with Alzheimer's, and a professional or a group who has expertise could probably help all of you understand the others a little better.