Why I choose not to spank...  

Yes, your mom sounds much like my father was. He had a way of getting his point across and he also somehow made you feel as if you wanted to live up to his expectations. If I could find the words to explain it, I'd write a book because he was very affective and loving at the same time.

Thank you for responding,angel. This is one of those issues that I don't think there is any real right or wrong answer to.

When it comes to teaching our children there are definitely rights and wrongs. Studies have shown that roughly 80% of families in the western world are dis-functional or they come from a dis-functional family. Now how many of these families do you think smack their kids? I'd be willing to bet my next pay check that the functional 20% do not smack their kids.

You could be right. It does take more patience and thought to discipline in other ways. The results don't always show up right off but in the long run, I do think when you teach kids how to be thru example and by setting consequences for bad behavior that fit the crime, you will see that it pays off in the end. I have 4 girls and one was just prone to be trouble. I really was questioning and 2nd guessing myself as a parent. I stuck to my convictions and at 21 she is a sweet, hardworking,girl with many morals and values. She still has a bit of a wild side to her but that is her personality. She is independant and responsible and very considerate & respectful.

Yes, I agree. You have to be creative in getting your point across. Each child is different and this can take alot of time and patience. what works for one child will not for another.

No...I never considered my mother spanking me as being abusive either...thats how things were back then. My dad was actually an exception and he got critisized for being too easy on us. I think I questioned my mother's love not just because of the spankings but because with those spankings, she exhibited much anger and harsh words. I never felt that i was "good enough" in her eyes. I think my low esteem may go back to her critisim which prevailed in our relationship and maybe why I found myself in abusive relationships later on in life. I credit my dad for countering that insecurity as on some level I did know that I did not deserve to be treated so badly.

Exactly my point...the strained relationship! If only I could have talked to my mom. She was always the one with the power...the whip. I had to go along with her or else. It was as if my thoughts did not matter just because I was a kid. Ok so I used to sneak down to the river which was forbidden. When I got caught because of circumstancial evidence like the mud on my clothes or the pollywogs and frogs I brought home....How much more impact it would have had on me had my mom hugged me and told me that she loved me so much and that she was so afraid that something bad would happen to me....that I could fall in and hit my head and drown. Then I would know that her concern was out of love for me. As it was, I would just get spanked and sent to my room. I was a kid...I knew nothing of what it felt like to be a parent and fear for your childs life. All I heard were her angry words and I felt that i was bad. Over time , I felt I could never be good enough for her. As an adult I can now see where she was coming from...but it did taint our relationship needlessly.

my dad was very special and more so considering it was a time where spanking was a very popular form of discipline.
He treated my brothers and I as if we were the most important people in his life. oh and he did discipline..don't get me wrong. He was very creative in his discipline. Once when we were very young, my brother and I refused to go to sleep when we were supposed to. Instead we stayed up and sneaked out to watch tv, sneaked into each others rooms to talk etc. After many warnings, he walked into by brothers room and caught my brother talking to me. He ignored that I was out of my bed and in my brothers room as if I were not there. He picked up my brother and told him "Now I've had it!".
I lay crouched in the shadows as he carried my brother from the room. I heard him say loudly, " I have warned you to shape up or ship out!" I then heard the front door open and slam shut. I thought he kicked my brother out into the cold. I was scared and sad and I knew that my brother would not have been in that situation if I had done what I was supposed to. I was releived the next morning to find him at the breakfast table. Ah...dad did not have the heart to kick him out. It was years later when my brother and I were reminiscing that i found that my dad never even considered kicking him out. It was all to teach me a lesson....my brother got to sit up and watch tv and have snacks with my dad. His method worked.

I agree with you here. You have to be creative and thoughtful in your discipline and each child and situation being different means there is not one simple solution that is going to work time and time again. I just sent my daughter to her room. She was being mouthy. That was not a punishment but I could see the conversation was just going to get more heated. It will give us both a chance to cool down before we talk. Just looked at the clock...I'm headed to work so I hope she's calmed down. thanx for your response.

oh yes, Ive done the yelling thing and that is when I have lost control. I hate myself after and put effort into walking away and calming down before dealing with a situation. It is always much more effective if I remain calm which is often easier said than done.

Thanx!I guess I too am a bit of a cross between my mom and dad. I have lost it and spanked them...they don't recall it but i do...it only happened once or twice. Mostly I battle they angry words that my mom used all the time on us. I swore I would never be like that with my kids....I have to Keep myself in check in that area which is why I say I am not the parent my dad was. He seldom raised his voice and he never went on a rant like my mom did. I am a far cry from my mom and am a very loving parent. I am sure my girls know that I would do anything for them and I love them more than life....still, I am not above being just like her at times.

WEll, parents are human too and I think we all have yelled at our kids at one time or another. I don't think that is a way to discipline either and depending on the frequency and harshness of the words, it can be much more damaging than a spanking I think. My mom also yelled an awful lot....like everyday unless of course we were in public or had company. It didn't really hurt me but it did great harm to our relationship, i think. We were not very close while i was growing up.