Going from bad to worse :(  

It only 3 weeks ago i spoke to my family counsellor and told him. that with regards to Mette, everything was going okay an basically i had nothing specific to be unhappy about. I might have pissed of God or Destiny biiig time, cos ever since it has gone from bad to worse. In fact life has become a living nightmare to me.

There is a background story to this. If you are interested here are the links to my previous discussions regarding this issue:

http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1164067.aspx

http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1302249.aspx

http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1302249.aspx

3 weeks ago, Mette's plans was to continue the college she started in Aug and she wanted to stay with me till this is finished, though she turns 18 in a month time and by Danish law turn independent and can do what she want.

The current crisis, which i doubt very much we will survive with hour relationship intact, started when I told her that I would be more than happy to have her stay with me for the time she was studying, but from the day she turned 18 she would have to pay board, as my monthly income will drop with 700$ from that day of (child support etc.)

In Denmark as under 21 years old you get a 500$ a month grant when you are studying after the age of 18. I asked Mette to pay me 300$. When Mette told me that she wanted to stay with me, she expected that she could do this for free and not having to take her share of responsibility in the daily running of hour home. She thought that i would continue slave for her and she could just hang around do nothing but study and have 500$ a month to go out by her ridiculous expensive designer clothes. When she realized this is not going to happen, but she would have to get a part time job to have it her way, she have turned 180 degrees and shown me some sites of herslef, that i have not seen before and surely dont like either.

I shall spare you for all the discussions and very heated and nasty arguments we had over the following fortnight. She is currently at her mums for half term. On the morning of her departure I pulled her aside and gave her this advice: I think that you should use the next 10 days to seriously consider what you want. If you want to stay here finish your college, fine by me but I set the house rules and you will have to pay board and take your part of responsibility i.e. cook dinner once a week, small daily shopping cleaning at least one room beside her own, help with the dishes etc. If you decide to leave home, fair enough as well you have the right to do so, but don't expect that you can come say you want to stay here a couple of month while you are not looking for somewhere else to live and you get your grant (which she wont have before March 1st) and not having to pay for it, for that aint going to happen. You will have to go out take a job as x-mas assistance somewhere, whether you like it or not. If you decide to leave home, it will be on your 18th b.day or the day after. She started naming pros and cons of either, hoping that I would go into yet another argument, but I just told her to include it all in her considerations for her future. Then of she went and we agreed that she would be back this coming Sunday evening.

Now she contacted me on msn yesterday and told me that she had decided that she wanted to move back to the town where she is born and her mum lives (about 150 miles away) and she would not be coming back on Sunday. She told me that her and her mum had been to social in that town and had been told that if she want any social or place to live in that town, she will have to stay in that town. This I know is bull. Also i know that her mum (whom I do not talk to any more) is petrified of Mette moving close to her due the extremely traumatic past they had together. So when Mette claim that her mum want to help her moving there, i know this is a lie. She also warned me that it would be no good contacting the police as she was not at her mums.

No need saying, that on the background of past 3 weeks events, i am absolutely furious on her. She has such a bad attitude and she don't give a fck about anything but herself. Think that she can just walk all over people and don't care about whether she pushes them away. I think she is doing a damn good job in doing so with me, I just about had it with her.

However I told her that she better be coming home Sunday evening as agreed or she would be in serious trouble. I reminded her that though her mum and I have shared parental responsibility, she lives with me and i am the one in charge and will be till she is 18. We have a meeting with social on Wednesday and was planning to agree to the initial plan: that Mette would stay with me till she finishes college. Now if she have changed her mind and want to move back to her birth town, i won't stop her in doing so, but I want it to happen in a propper and organized manner. If that is what we should now talk about at this meeting, well so be it, but I insisted that she came home, go to college and we have that meeting with social. I even told her that if she did not come home and police would not find her, she should not bother come home at all. She could sent somebody for her furnitures and stuff, but I would not want to see her again, ever.

Now this happened yesterday and today I have calmed down a lot, tho I am still very mad at her. I am at an absolute loss as how to deal with this situation. In this very moment she is my responsibility and i can my parental power to get police to go find her and bring her home, if she does not return voluntarily and this is most definitely what i am going to do. But what is the point in doing so? I will be very pissed of and so will she. She will be feeling humiliated and even more rebellious than before and appart from insisting her in being here when she is supposed to, I cannot force her to do anything against her will. It will just be a continuous living hell, till the day she will leave, and leave she will i am in no doubt.

On the other hand it could be that she will have just that little respect for me, knowing that i am not kidding when i say come home on Sunday or don't come home at all. I seriously mean this and if she want me in her life somehow she will be coming home as agreed. But i will still be very mad that we have to go through all this crap, why she can't do whatever she want in a proper manner (hmm, probably coz she has no manners at all, lol) and she will still be mad and rebellious at me for not giving in to her games and allow her to have it her way.

Even if she would come back and stay here till her 18th b.day i am worried that the past 6 month all together have ruined our relationship and we will never be able to have a decent father daughter relationship. I have put up with a lot for that girl. Firstly I gave up a life and career in England and came running home to be there for her, when i was first informed of her. I have put up with and forgiven her the sexual allegations she pulled on me and now i have to be pissed on and have her disrespect and ungratefulness for all my efforts. I don't like the person i see in my daughter. Her attitude is not only against me but against anything in life. She uses and abuses people and don't understand why she cannot get away with it. She do not understand why people don't want her. I see it, and i am deeply ashamed of what i see. This person is not my daughter. Apart from having my nose and my stubbornness she is or has absolutely nothing of me in her personality.

I feel so bad of saying this, but it is how i feel. And if on top of it all she is going to throw her youth away like this, well then i feel i have no more interest in her life. I don't want to see how see will go downhill and i don't want to see how she will be treating her kids or husbond if she should ever get her hands in one.

I just feel as i have come to the end. I came, I saw, I fought and was defeated. There was never anything I could do to make a difference in that girls life, and there never will be in the future. So why not just let go and start concentrating on rebuilding my own private life in Denmark. This have not been possible the 21 month I have been back, as Mette has always come first.

God i feel sad, but in a funni way also feel free.