A Question of Protocol  

i have no idea about that. the little boy is just a kid. people need to ask him do everything like a gentlman. the politer old lady should not ask too much abuout a child.

You never cease to amaze me Trans. *shaking my head*

I am a lady, and I do not fart in my chair. I go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet. I feel most comfortable there. I guess on some occasions there have been times when one escapes me, but for the most part I will do what I can to get to a bathroom and pronto! This will also eliminate the shart you mentioned and any mess it might create.

Although I feel I have inhierited many attributes from my Grandma Pearl, this was not one of them. She would do it anywhere, anytime without lifting a cheek, probably because she sat on a donut most of her life to releave her hemorrhoid inflamation, and then blamed it on her dead dog. She even carried this inflatable donut to restaurants and family gatherings. Aaah its no wonder Im the way I am!

Bay Lay Gray xx

OMG, it's a wonder the gentell, southern lady didn't get a bad case of the vapors! I must have missed that part of etiquette class; maybe I was in the restroom?
Annie

Transdisc, yet another overly serious discussion from you? Will you never lighten up? *sighs dramatically*

I really don't what the proper etiquette is for farting in public. To be quite honest, I don't think I've ever thought about it. If I were at someone's table and they lectured me for my "farting style", I would say they were being crasser than I by mentioning it. Even if they were a genteel Southern lady, of which I have known quite a few.

As for the sharting issue, that's when you make excuses and run. :P

First of all I'm surprised that since the grandmother is the epitome of the genteel, southern lady, that she would be aware of the proper way of farting while sitting down, and it sounds like she has one over on Mrs. Manners.
I have to confess, the sound of farting is more noticeable when one doesn't raise one's buttocks to properly expel the wind and there is a slight vibration that will exist. As for that fart turning into a shart, hasn't happened while sitting down..so far anyway, but have had that experience at other times

What is the difference between an Elephants Fart and a Bar Room?
Well thats easy!- a bar room is a place to go for a drink, and an Elephants Fart is a BARROOOM! Any how, I have no idea how to fart in Public, but I've heard that the Queen enjoys a short Walk after a Meal!

Being the product of a rather snooty prep school for my sophmore and senior years, I can report that the proper method of releasing a trouser sneeze was never a sub-topic, let alone a main topic of the classes in etiquette that we we forced to endure. I can tell you, however, the proper way to remove a piece of gristle or other unpalatable piece of foodstuff that must be removed from the mouth while still seated at the table.

That said, one must consider, when faced with the impending release of bodily gases within the confines of an eatery of any class or rating, that the overall auditory effect will be influenced by the type of seating furniture provided. E.g., a wooden chair, while rarely found these days, will produce much more resonance than a soft, thickly cushioned chair found in most 4 or 5 star establishments. Proper compression of one cheek, with a slight rise, though not breaking contact with the seat, can actually increase the volume of said methane release.

You should be warned that those back to back booths in some of the older style diners will be able to transmit your seat vibrations to the chap or gal seating with his/her back to you in the adjoining booth. I know.

I would be curious to know if the referenced genteel lady of fine upbringing was able to coach her young relative in the subtle method of cheek raising, without raising the interest of those seated at the same table, or more importantly, those at surrounding tables. This is a fine art, and I must admit that often a misdirection of your dinner companion's attention to another portion of the establishment has worked well for me in the past. One can put on a look of astonishment, and slightly raise up in your seat, pretending to look at some unknown vision of interest across the room, thus forcing you companions to take their eyes from you.

And lest we forget, the disussion of the scent wafting through the atmosphere after the release must now be taken up. Simply put, worry not, oh dear donator of the methane. Remember to remain calm, and never immediately agree when another remarks on the odiferous atmosphere. Kindly remind the olfactory observer that "He who smelt it , dealt it!" Your innocence is thus irrefutable.

As to the sharts, in this part of the country we refer to them as electical farts, you know, ones with a little juice to them.

I will now close, having spent perhaps too much time on this vital topic. I apologize for the long winded pun intended) oratory.

diecaster

You have to have excellent control of the anus, then you're able to control the 'speed of departure'. When you can do that it really doesn't matter whether you lift a cheek or not, although it helps to circulate the air and dissipate any odors. (oh shudder)

And I'm too much the genteel lady myself to even discuss sharts. Especially with strangers.

It depends upon how much room I have at the table, Transdisc. Usually I stand up and announce my decision to fart during a meal.

And if it turns into a shart, well, it is what it is, and I just deal with it.

I believe that in order to avoid an unwanted vibration it has to be a controled silent one or a natural S.B.D but then those tend to gain their very own "ATT."