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Saying "I love you" to my friends... email this discussion to a friend?

myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend2 years ago

This evening I've found myself saying "I love you" to several of my online friends, and it made me think about that. I mean it when I say it. I never say "I love you" unless I mean it, whether online or offline. I did so a couple of times (when talking to my mother" and it left a horrible taste in my mouth, and left me feeling horrible for days. Those aren't words I can say lightly or untruthfully.

Yet, sometimes I wonder how carefully we use these words, and if we always understand what we mean by them. Do you always think carefully before you say "I love you", even when using it online in what would seem like a casual way? Are there people you can't say "I love you" to who expect you to say it? Does it make you feel horrible to say it when you're not sure you mean it, or can you glibly say those words to get what you want or even just to make someone else feel better?

 
 
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tags:  love, i love you, friends, life, love you
 
1. myLot reputation of 95/100. chiyosan (9208)   ranked 2,790 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

i do say i love you to my friends but those are people i have known for years. when i say it i truly mean it. i dont just say it for the sake of saying it...:)

i dont utter those words too just to make someone feel better cause that would be the same as lying.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

I agree, I only say it when I mean it. However, I don't necessarily say I have to have known the person for years... I guess I don't think in those terms because I'm out of touch with almost everyone from my early life.

I agree that lying in that way, even to make someone feel better, wouldn't be good.


myLot reputation of 84/100. loveyoohbaby (395)   ranked 3,574 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

Hey ya thats true.

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2. myLot reputation of 94/100. betsyraeduke (1227)   ranked 716 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

I can't bring myself to say, I love you, to anyone if I don't mean it. Those are words that I reserve for the people whom I feel closest too.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

I would expect no less of you.

*hugs*

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3. myLot reputation of 99/100. sick4muzick (479)   ranked 70 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

hi lecanis happy . Noooooo I have never said "i love you" and not mean it. As far as i can remember, off or online. If i dont "love" the person, I'll look for something to like or love about her/him and say maybe something like "oh i love your hair today!" I take the responsibility of loving a person quite seriously. If I dont feel it, Id rather not say anything even if it is expected of me to say it. It just wouldn't feel right and I know the person I'll be saying it to will feel that Im not sincere. I cant think of anyone who expects me to say "iloveyou" and I cant happy Saying "please" always (almost) works in getting me what I want wink Have a lovely day my friend.*hugs*


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

*nods* I will say I like someone, or that they are kind or I appreciate them, but not that I love them, unless I do.

I take that responsibility too.

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4. myLot reputation of 94/100. OreoCookie3 (18300)   ranked 88 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

When I say I love you, I do. I genuinely have feelings of a kindred spirit to my friends online. When they hurt, I hurt too. I cry for them. When one is having difficulties, I am thinking about them, and wishing them well, and even praying for them sometimes.

There is no one in my family that I don't love.. I remember a time when I could not tell my parents I loved them, even though I know I did love them, I couldn't show it.

I have done a 360 over the years..now I just have to hug everyone.. where before I couldn't do that. I need for people to know I do care about them. So for me it is love, like that of a friend in real life.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

*hugs* I genuinely have those feelings when it comes to my friends online too, and feel what they feel when things are going on in their lives.

I think it's great that you love your family that way. That's wonderful for you. I wish I could feel that way, but I simply don't.

I do love my friends, quite a few of them, online and offline. happy


myLot reputation of 85/100. Hatley (20583)   ranked 171 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

I do love my family so I just want to say I am sad for you when there is not that bond between you and your family. Like my husband used to say you can choose your friends but you are stuck with your relatives and that can be so true. I was lucky with my mom and my husband and son. my dad did things to me that I wont even go there but I would have found it hard to say I love you to him. My mom yes,and my hubby while he was alive, and my son yes but I have only just now been able to forgive my father for the way he treated me.

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5. blueskater (20)   ranked 4,742 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

i think the words "i love you" is so overrated. i always hear it from friends...
well, i always say it too and sometimes i mean it, sometimes i don't.
often times, if somebody says "i love you", my tendency is to reply "i love you, too!" yeah... and for me, i think i can distinguish who is serious or not serious in saying those magical words. hehehe, like for instance, if it just came from a friend you're not that close to, you'll know that it's just a casual way of i care or something like that. i don't often say i love you to my parents. tho i know i should. i dont know why, maybe i'm just not used to it. and besides, i think if you really love someone, actions speak louder than words. so its better to show it than to say i love you everyday! hahah! and... like, i have a couple of friends who seldom say i love you. and when do say it, i just makes me happy cause you know they mean it.you know what i mean? lol. and yea, it doesn't make me feel horrible when i say it and i don't mean it, cause even if you don't really mean it, it'll surely make somebody happy!! boost their ego and all that stuff, cause you'll feel good when somebody loves you! lol.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

You have a good point about the actions speaking louder than words, and the importance of showing love instead of just speaking it.

I suppose different people have different ways of looking at the issue of saying "I love you" when you don't. For me, it's a major honor issue, for one thing, and I wouldn't want someone to tell me they loved me if they didn't, even to be kind. I guess I'm just weird that way.


myLot reputation of 85/100. Hatley (20583)   ranked 171 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

I feel that being honest is just plain necessary because if you just blurt out the words with no real meaning they are worthless and I think the other person will know that. to me the words I love you have real deep meaning and I am careful how I use them.

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6. myLot reputation of 70/100. subha12 (16454)   ranked 569 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

I really think about it. Still i have not said I love you to anyone. as i am still not into relationship. whatever may I say, i try to think it before i say it.When i say something i mean it.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

Thanks for sharing!

It is important to mean what you say, definitely! I put a lot of thought into that as well.

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7. myLot reputation of 95/100. CatsandDogs (5125)   ranked 313 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

I WON'T say it unless I mean it. I have an aunt who is mean when she wants to be and for that reason I tend to stay away from her but when I do run into her and she says "I love you" to me, I'll just say thank you or pretend I didn't hear her. I can't say something that I don't feel.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

You sound just like me! happy

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8. myLot reputation of 96/100. yona06 (330)   ranked 440 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

I find it extremely hard to say "I love you" and "I'm sorry" to people I actually do feel that way about. I just start to stutter and I don't know why that is. But fortunately it's been getting easier for me to say "I love you" to my husband ever since we got married. Maybe it's a phsycological thing.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

Hmm... it's interesting that it's hard for you even when you feel it. I'm glad that you've been able to say it to your husband, though. happy


myLot reputation of 96/100. yona06 (330)   ranked 440 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

Actually it's especially hard for me when i feel it. When I don't really feel it I find it isn't so hard at all. I know it's weird, maybe it's some kind of pre-marital phobia.

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9. myLot reputation of 70/100. cynicalandoutspoken (2312)   ranked 427 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

I use the words I love you online more freely then I do in person. I can honestly say I love a few people here. Not love, like want to marry and spend the rest of my life with love them, but love them like I love my real life friends.

As far as relationships go I said it once and didn't mean it. I knew I didn't mean it when I said it and nothing good at all came from that relationship. Now I make doubly sure how I feel about someone who I am planning on spending any significant time with before I even allow myself to think it.

I rarely say it first and never say it if I don't mean it.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

Heh, I wasn't talking about the romantic love stuff so much really, myself, though some people have brought that aspect into it more. When I say "I love you" to my friends, I don't mean that I want them to be something other than friends (in most cases, anyway!) but just that I love them... as my friends.

That's an interesting thing about saying it first. I do sometimes say it first, but I have to be very sure of it.

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10. myLot reputation of 97/100. filmbuff (1338)   ranked 2,480 out of 12,338 in friend   2 years ago

I use those words with extreme caution Lecanis, and I don't say it unless I really do mean it. Still I may feel it and not say it, because those words, when uttered can have some very unexpected, and often negative effects.


myLot reputation of 95/100. lecanis (7212)   ranked 31 out of 12,338 in friend  2 years ago

You have an excellent point. Sometimes even when you feel it, it's best to keep it to yourself.

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