Pro "Facts" (The fake - humor version)  

I may release the real one in another discussion, but thanks to a friend's discussion I had to do this discussion. Plus I need my laughs for today and tommorrow

Here are the 2008 Pro "Facts".
All facts here are true (I think)
Nothing is incorrect (according to my lawyers)
Nothing is exaggerated (according to my novelist)

Hope you enjoy!

Pro works so hard in life. I mean ordering around little imps and devils while laying back in a recliner drinking a coke, does a lot of damage to Pro's well-being.

Pro doesn't sunbathe. The sun has already suffered enough.

Pro invented loud noises, rush hour traffic, immobile "love making", insect swarms, and the IRS all at the same time.

Pro is a noun, verb, adjective and the theme of a few nations.

Pro is capable of traveling through time. The effect only sends him forward several seconds or a couple of minutes forward, never backwards... the whole thing makes the ability a pointless exercise in futility.

Pro cannot divide by zero. He can however beat up most anyone who tries it.

Pro got lost counting to infinity. He did find the secret to everlasting life, but traded that for an anime DVD.

Pro knows the purpose of life. The purpose of life claims to not know Pro.

Pro can move faster than the speed of light. Too bad the speed of light has long since been upgraded to a speed faster than 10 miles per hour.

Pro is on a quest to recover the 17 tenkachisekai rings, and only then will the true evil power reveal itself

Pro is not the evil power

Pro is the evil power

Pro is currently suing everyone for being on his internet

Pro is currently suing everyone for breathing his oxygen

Pro is currently suing Highlander for parodying his life

Pro is currently suing Immanuel Kant, Socrates, Plato, Sun Tzu and "elders" for stealing his ideas hundreds of years before he was born.

Pro can fly, but only for several seconds, and you can't be looking directly at Pro when it happens

Pro's jokes are a method of execution in 7 U.S. states

Go ahead, break the law. Pro has no problem putting you on a leash & muzzle, then kicking you up the street and all around town.

Be it bad neighbors, dumb bosses, economic troubles, cancer... Pro thinks there is no problem that can't be solved by shotgun blast to the face.

Pro knows where you live and what you think before you've thought it

Don't speak to Pro unless your hand was up and Pro called on you.

Pro is fueled by 220% energy drinks. He is taking up shares for people who refuse to have caffeine.

Pro unlocked Ingrid, Jade, Captain Falcon, Cloud Strife and Jack Bauer in Marvel vs Capcom 2.

In a fight between Aliens, Predators and Terminators, Pro wins... with no effort.

Pro can stalemate a lottery game.

Pro got 5 Aces in Poker before.

Pro donates to charity. His most frequented charity is the Games for Pro program.

The proton, provider, proceeds, producer, and the element Pro-ownium are all named after Pro.

If Pro comes into contact with the Negagamer, the world ends. It'll be the sixth time its happened.

If you fail, you are not Pro.

You don't find Pro, Pro finds you...always...

You have 5 minutes to talk about something Pro cares about. To show we are serious... you now have 3 seconds.

When Pro makes a demand, stand perfectly still, or play dead. Don't move, don't attack and for goodness sake don't go to the whelp cave.

When Pro sleeps, he gives everyone nightmares.

TV shows don't get cancelled. Pro executes the bad actors.

There is no past or history. Just a bunch of stories Pro made up.

There is no future. Just a bunch of things Pro is writing in a novel.

There is no present. Pro has already trapped everyone in the Matrix.

The sky is blue because Pro picks himself up every morning to paint it that way, and NO he won't change it for anyone.

Nighttime happens because the paint Pro bought for the sky was bought at a dollar general and the sun melts the paint easily.

The last time Pro went on strike, the Ice Age happened.

The best revenge isn't served cold... you just have a pizza place deliver Pro.

In a survey of who wants to be Pro... 2% said "yes", 1% said "no", 10% said "what", 25% said "can I buy a vowel", 42% said "can I phone a friend", 20% said "I ate the blue crayons, can I have my mommy now?".

There are no crayola colors, just shades and wavelengths of light assuming a different name to elude Pro.

When someone yells "Ah, zombies!", Pro gets offended. We prefer to be called the living impaired.

In regards to the phrase "Oh God", Pro knows you are all enjoying sex... but you do not need to be so formal addressing Pro. We are all friends here.

Pro doesn't need a remote control. He throws something at the TV to make it change channels.

Pro seldom washes clothes. He yells at the grass and blood stains to scare them away.

Pro has been banned from visiting 13 states, 7 countries and 32 cities around the world.

Yes there are aliens. Pro annoyed them though, but other scientists say the aliens were scared of his big head, bulbous looking eyes and his tendency to mow lawns in circular patterns.

Pro is here.

Pro is not here.

The days, months and years aren't passing you by. They are simply fleeing from Pro.

Pro is only a good cook because Food knows it'll get knocked around if it tastes wrong.

Anything Pro says in a parenthesis (does not) matter.

Pro is the only known entity capable of using magic. All "magicians", both factual and fictional simply pay Pro to perform the magic feats for them.

When Pro wins everyone hears their favorite song for 1 minute.

When Pro loses, wait Pro doesn't lose, Pro MEANT to do that.

Pro says "" you made it through the list!