Death of a son  

How awful for you all it must be extremely hard for his wife to be left alone, has she seen a counseller or even her doctor to see what they can do to help her?

Maybe it will take more than advice to pull her out of her depression maybe she needs more clinical help if she isnt getting that allready.

I hope one day soon she can also carry on with her life like you and his mother have been able to do.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is hard to know what to say to help your daughter-in-law. It is so wonderful though that you and your wife are there for her. I lost a husband to cancer when I was in my 20's and I grieved for a long time. I didn't grieve like most people think I should have. I went out drinking, I spent money, anything I could do to take my mind off the pain. I also had a daughter at home and she is the reason I am here today. I was headed to the bathroom one night to take a handful of pills to end my heart ache and she started crying the minute I entered the bathroom. It made me realize I had a wonderful daughter to take care of. I remarried trying to replace the man I had lost. My marriage produced two more beautiful children but otherwise was a mistake and ended in divorce. I am now remarried to a wonderful man and am happy for the first time in years.
I guess what I am saying is give your daughter in law love and support and mainly time. Remind her gently that she has her wonderful children who need her. She might even need some counseling if she will go to help her deal with her loss. It took me over 10 years to come to terms with my loss and finally let myself be happy. I don't know how your son died but they have several different types of group counseling available in most towns now. My grandma had found one for losing a loved one to violence, I think hospitals sometimes offer them for different illnesses. It might be something to check into in your area. It often helps to know you are not alone and others know how you feel who have been through it. You lost your son and I could not imagine the grief you felt, she lost a husband and I can relate to the grief that brings . My heart goes out to all of you and I pray that God will help her find her way. God bless you all.

My nephew was killed when he was 5 years old. I was only 14 at the time but after seeing my family's way of dealing with tragedy and my husband's family who lost his brother I still remember something my sister-in-law said about losing my nephew 14 years ago.
For a few months she went to his grave many times a day. She stopped caring about anything else and was only pondering the son she lost. Then she said one day she while at his grave she realized that he didn't need her anymore. She had taken care of him for five years and even if she didn't like it she didn't have to worry about him anymore. She knew no matter how many years passed she would always miss him but her husband and older son still needed her. They needed her to worry about them and love them.
I also saw my mother-in-law focus so much on her loss that I really think it damaged her youngest child. I'll never forget the first christmas after we were married 2 years later. She hung his stocking and actually put presents in it.
Everyone deals in their own way and I hope she will overcome this. Have you tried a support group. It may help if she could talk to other wives who've experienced the same situation.