Let's Talk About Something Else Then.Like Love.....??????????? (grrrrrrrrrrrrr)

How did I know that my wonderful husband was "the one"?

Well ours is a different kind of story. We have known each other since he was 3 and I was 5. We dated off and on throughout high school. We were best friends our entire lives. We both went into different long term relationships when we hit our late teens/early twenties but they didn't work out for various reasons.

When we found each other again we knew what we wanted. We wanted to be with someone who could be a true partner and friend. We knew that was each other. And we have been together now for 18 years.

My friend Zed,

How can I, your best-man-to-be, let this discussion pass without my replying?My friend, I can't explain just how you would know ... but you will.

It is not what a person does that makes them so special as much as what they "are." If you feel totally at ease with that person, perfectly comfortable, and "lost" or "lonely" when that person is not near you ... chances are that's the person for you.

If you look forward to seeing the person; if you notice how wonderful you feel when you're together, chances are that person is meant for you.

Your note is great: "Love is giving someone the ability to destroy your heart, but trusting them enough not to," says a lot, Zed.

Trust me, if the person is meant for you, you WILL know it.

Memo to self: Good brotherly advice, RJ, to your brother across the sea. (C) 2008 RJScott

Aww, I like that note, and I for one really needed to hear it, but that's for another discussion...
To answer your question.. How did I know my husband was the one?
Well, mine's a bit of a story, grab some popcorn..
We'd been friends for over a year prior to dating. At the time I met him I was already in a relationship, and a bad one at that. I was constantly cheated on, verbally abused, and occasionally physically abused. I have always been a strong minded and strong willed person, but for some reason the jerk I was with was able to get right through me and get me to go against my better judgement and forgive him over and over again. Well, needless to say that relationship left me wounded. I had lost my self esteem, sense of worth, and was left with absolutely no trust in men, or people in general.
My husband had always been the exact opposite of the person I was dating. He was kind hearted and honest, but not the least bit charming or romantic. He had been in very few relationships, and was not nearly as "experienced" as I was. I had never really seen myself dating a person like him, and for awhile had no interest in doing so. I tried to convince myself to give him a chance, but never really felt any sort of emotion or attraction for him. So we remained just friends.
It really happened quite suddenly. One day, after I'd been out of my bad relationship for six months and was finally rebuilding my own self esteem, my future husband came to visit me at work. I noticed myself get extremely excited to see him, and even stopped and wondered why I was doing this. It's only him, my friend, nobody to get excited about. That's when I knew I was beginning to have feelings for him.
Shortly there after we began dating, and two months later moved in together. I remember a conversation I had with my mom, it was during the first year of our relationship. I said to her "I know we haven't been together for long, but if he asked me right now if I would marry him, I'd say yes, and I doubt I'd ever regret it".
I just always felt so comfortable with him. Even though I have little trust in men, I have never had a lack of trust in this particular man. I have always felt very secure in our relationship, and knowing his history prior to getting involved with him really helped. If I were to ever lose him, I doubt I could ever be with another man. I just don't think I'd ever be able to trust someone else this much, or feel this secure.

The very first time I set eyes on my now husband, I told my friend that he was the one I was going to marry. We both laughed about it, I knew right then and there that he was the one for me. He is 7 years older than I am and when I met him he already had served his time in the army and was going to school to learn his trade as an electrician.
No, he didn't fall in love with me right away, I had not given up on him but I did leave for the summer to go visit my dad and it was during that summer that I got a very very long letter from him. In the letter he let me know how he felt for me and was just worried at first about the age difference and it scared him but he thought about it long and hard and talked to his dad about being scared. He did ask me to marry him in that letter and wanted me to call him and talk. I was so excited and told my mother and she was as excited as I was. She felt like he would provide for me and make me happy.
It isn't always easy but we are still happy together after all these years.
While I am replying to this discussion may I say that I did respond to your first discussion on the one taken away and tried to on the second one but it was already taken down but anyway I am happy for you and your accomplishments on here. Oh man I hope I didn't say anything wrong in that last paragraph to have my response removed.

This might blow your mind but i do not know if the one i am with is the "ONE", i believe he is the one now,but who knows later on down the road.....Love is something you have to wager on,lets say you feel like this is the one,many people feel this way,only later they end up divorced,it happens everyday...So I think we all feel we are where we should be,but life is uncertain as you know...What you do is you fall in love,hoping it will last forever,and sometimes it does and other times it does not...People divorce,people die,and all you can do is find the one you love and just hope for everything to be good and right....There are no certainties in life,no one knows the future..I have a friend that fell in love,her husband was a disappointment after spending some years with him,but she stayed, because she thought he was for her,then he ended up having a disease and he died,leaving her a widow....It has been a few years and she has found love,she expressed to me that the feeling for this man she has never felt before in her life...She came to realize that what she felt for her husband who died was not love at all,but dependence..that was her words....So all a person can tell you is their feelings at this time,but no one knows the future.....YOU CAN MAKE PLANS AND YOU CAN LOVE,but life is uncertain and feeling can grow,love can grow,or it can die...nothing can you take for granted...

Hi zed. From the first time I laid my eyes on my
husband I had the feeling that he is my man and he is the one for me.
Love works in mysterious ways, as God works in mysterious ways.
I can't tell how I knew it was him. It was an unexplainable feeling
that we are somehow connected. There are lots of differences in our
personalities and culture, but we still manage to make our relationship
work and stay together until now with two beautiful kids. It is hard
to explain. Well, real love needs no explanation.

zed I am a widow now butI remember the first time I met my husband to be that there were sparks. I was a nurses
aid and he was the orderly on our floor. we were making
a surgical bed together. I thought he was good looking
but a smarty pants know it all. I wanted to smack him
one when he gave me a lecture on how to properly make
a surgical bed.lol yet something about him mademe want
to see this cocky man more maybe just out of curiosity and so when he asked me for a date a dayor so later I accepted.
One thing led to another and I knew at once that this
was my man . the one who was my destiny. He and I had a
lot in common as we came from middle class working families and we liked the same things and wanted the same things in
life but also there was a spark between us, a sort of'
passion I guess you could call it. I had never felt this
before with any guy and had met others better looking
and in better jobs but there was no spark, no excitement.
Also he accepted me as a friend a lover with no conditions and even my own parents did not do that. he was my best friend, my confidante, my every thing. I had never conceived of being
with anyone else. he was the one.

if i told you that the first day i saw my wife i know she was the one... well thats i lie. we met in a band i was the bassist and we are looking for another female singer. she met us for audition and i didnt care at all. to be honest i was in a relation, though i was in a rough relationship already. so having her around... practise and meetings i find her sweet. she really is a good singer but you cant see her boasting about it. she always bring something we can eat after practise. and as you know us males the good way to our hearts is through our tummy. she is a good cook. and because i was in a not good relationship i told my girlfriend that we need to rest for the mean time.
we started talking a lot during practise, i started calling her on the phone (though she was really busy for she and her cousin has a catering business). i tried everything ang anything to know her better. if we dont have gig i go to her place meet her mom and sis and of course you will know a person better if you go visit her in her place. so thats when i felt that i need her in my life. this is the type of person i want to grow old with. so i did anything and everything to have her as my girlfriend. we are married now for 5 years and we have a two year old son

why would you not give somebody a +, anybody who answers and it truthfully and thoughtful should have a +

how can you tell when you love somebody, when you think of him or her even when they are not around, when you look forward to seeing him or hearing him on the phone, when you are concerned about what he or she is doing, when you want to do the same things, even if you didn't like them before. When you want to please him or her, when the most important thing is to see him or her smile and when you feel so special when you hear the words I love you come from him or her.

Don't feel bad, as when I was a newbie here some of my discussions were deleted too, for something they call a "milestone"--(Not in the main guidelines, but somewhere else it is mentioned as a no-no), and I sure did not report you, but I winced when I read that other post and thought, bummer, somebody else will. I love myLot but not enough to let it destroy my heart, lol, or any other part of me. Well, I can't say I'm in love with your saying, because I define love a lot differently, but if it works, hey!

I don't believe in giving anyone the ability to destroy my heart and trust, in my view, is like a bank account where if a friend or family member or even a loved one has performed certain acts over a certain amount of time that show they can be trusted and then they break that trust, it is like they just took out a little deposit from their own trust savings account. But if someone recently met does it, then that is the end of the relationship. Love is a play back and forth of give and take where if the score is pretty even most of the time, all is well. But if one person makes all of the deposits and the other person makes all of the withdrawals that is not love.

This many sound corny, but I do think there is a still quiet place deep within each of us where we know things in a spiritual rather than factual way. We can be attracted to someone in a noisy flamboyant way, but if we question the relationship and withdraw into the inner depths of our own knowing, then we know if the relationship is true or not. Another hint: If someone seems too good to be true s/he usually is.