Am I the last woman who feels she should submit to her partner?

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I can be his plaything and his muse and heck tens of other things to him too. I never said thats all I bring to the table. Just that I enjoy that role as well.

Property, I was not responding because it seemed that i would be alone in this matter and i did not want to stir up things, but i am on your side. I would be flattered as well, if he is so into me that just walking into the room or waking in the middle of the night sets him off and he wants me, and why shouldn't he have me..I mean thats one of the reasons I married him... Right...one of the reasons...lol...so I'm on your side and his...lol...

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I guess thats my point in a nutshell... why would it be at your expense to please your partner? It is a joy for me to recieve any affection from my partner. Is it that woman think they shouldn't find joy in it? I'm really not trying to be a jerk here, but I can't wrap my head around staying with someone you don't want to "be" with.
BTW thanks for your thoughts..

Oh no, I find every bit of pleasure in pleasuring my man and in receiving pleasure. HOWEVER, if I've had a rough day at work, the way home is nuts because of traffic, when you get home you have housework to do...my back is aching, my mood is beyond pissy, the last thing I want is someone rubbing up on me and trying to do the freaky freaky.

I guess I'm glad my man understands and accepts me for me. Respects that I am me and if I don't want too...I don't want too. Hell he has his days too... he's had a rough day at work and all he wants to do is come home drink a beer and talk sh*t about what happended at work. I sit back and listen then I end up whoopin' his azz in playing cards.

Life, relationships, etc...is all about comprimising!

Ok, so its not that you don't want to, you are just to tired. This is were I may have the advantage. My partner prefers me to stay home and keep the house and kids, this way I am available to him and the children whenever they need me. Because I don't work outside the home my level of exhaustion never becomes an issue when he needs me. I feel empathy for those woman who do not have the ability to do the same. I can understand being tired.

Because I don't work outside the home my level of exhaustion never becomes an issue when he needs me

Yea but I dont work outside the home either in fact I've been retired for 10 yrs now..but sometimes I just dont feel like it..for me its not that I'm too tired (though that does happen as well) its just I'm not in the mood..

"Because I don't work outside the home my level of exhaustion never becomes an issue when he needs me. I feel empathy for those woman who do not have the ability to do the same. I can understand being tired. "

OK I dont work outside the home either but that doesnt mean that i am going to drop everything for him just because he wants some action!
that is just ridiculous!
and empathy?
I feel empathy for any woman that thinks just because she is his wife and home all day that she needs to be available to him at the drop of a hat

I feel empathy for any woman that thinks just because she is his wife and home all day that she needs to be available to him at the drop of a hat

OMG absolutely!! I know a woman like this actually and the way she thinks is just off the damn chain..MIND YOU her bf (whom my family has known for yrs) is a real pc of work and expects her to be "done up" complete with make up and high heels with dinner on the table when he gets home "just in case" he wants to "bend her over"....I heard about that and blew a gasket!

Um. I'm still here. What is wrong with taking pride in your appearance? He works long hours and I think the least I can do is have dinner on the table. If it doesn't bother me, whats the harm? You lost me. I'm not going around and telling girls to grow up to be housewives. My oldest daughter is honor roll, straight A student and on the right track to be college bound. But you know what? If she does decide to stay home and raise a family I wouldn't think less of her either. If her husband enjoys her, and she him... more power to them both. I'm not less of a woman because I serve my family...you make it sound like I have an unhealthy relationship. I'm happy- kids are happy- hubby is happy... whats the problem?

What is wrong with taking pride in your appearance?

It has nothing to do with that trust me...I KNOW this man VERY well..have for over 25 yrs and he is abusive, controling on all levels, a wh0re who tells her he WILL sleep with whoever he wants and she's not to say anything about it and so on..its not a matter of her "taking pride" in her appearance...Its got nothing to do with that at all..for example he DEMANDS that she wear 5" heels NOTHING SHORTER..even though she hates them and they hurt her feet she HAS TO wear them...HER situation is one that REALLY blows my mind because it IS off the wall insanity..

I would take that 5" heel and shove it right up his deriere. I will be dammed if I ever let a man control me in such away. I will tell you what I can wake up first thing in the morning lookin like I just got back from heck and and my hubby will still hold me and tell me he loves me, morning breath and all. He accepts me for who I am. Raven it sounds like the guy you are talking about just settled for someone and he is trying to make her someone shes not.

The younger women do not think about getting older! I agree with you, we have the right to say no! My husband told me this, as he is almost eleven years older than me, and he was the one who said no way more often than I ever did! I learned to take care of myself, and not bother him with my needs! If the marriage is going to be a good one and last a long time, then both partners need to have their rights!

Raven it sounds like the guy you are talking about just settled for someone and he is trying to make her someone shes not

No he's been like this for yrs with all his women..or TRIED at least but this one in particular came out of a long term very abusive relationship and is still in victim mode so thats why she allows it and thinks its ok ya know..He's just a pig...he's been a pig for yrs (and oddly enough is one of my brothers best friends..my brother isnt exactly a decent guy either when it comes to women )

Again... my point is why wouldn't you want to? I enjoy serving my partner, it brings me pleasure as well. I can't imagine saying no, because it would not serve any purpose other than to frustrate us both. If it didn't suit me as well, I wouldn't stay in that relationship.

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Well if I'm sick my partner doesn't try, so its a non-issue. He prefers me at the top of my game.:) Obviously if I'm upset about something he's not going to try to poke me... But if I'm asleep and I wake to his advances..well thats all good. Really, when your nose is snotty or your throwing up everything you've eaten since you were three, most men don't even try to get there. When your bawling because your cat died, and all snotty...again most men don't try to go there...

uh some men do try when the woman is sick or upset
some men only care about one thing
and now I am begining to understand where this comes from
because obviously there are women out there that give the men the impression that its ok to be selfish and inconsiderate

Hey zukepr, I didn't mean to offend you in any way. I truthfully don't feel like a sex slave, and my hubby does help around the house. We just have a relationship that works for us. And me pleasing him, him pleasing me and working for each other is what we do. Not to say that's what you do or other people should do. I'm just happy where I am and with what I have. And people should be good wives because they want to be not because they have to.

Well put AnimeMom. If everyone in the relationship is happy what is the problem?

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JUST reverse the situation, as if it is the man who is being expected to cook, clean, get it up, and so on whenever the woman feels like he should! He will put an end to all the expectations very quickly! I did read a book one time, when my oldest child was giving me trouble as a preschooler, and the book was all about how expectations are what cause problems! We have to be careful what we expect from other people, even those close to us!

Again, (I'm begining to feel like a broken record) It seems to me it shouldn't be forced... it should be recieved willingly. My partner doesn't force me, he doesn't have to... I am happy to recieve him. I'm not suggesting husbands should take it by force... but rather wives accept it willingly. When you show affection by leaving love notes for your husband, I bet he has never said "I'm not in the mood right now to read this" but yet woman think its fine to say "I'm not in the mood right now to take my husband". Still a token of affection but the latter is now acceptable. What gives? If I hinted to my partner I was feeling urges and he said "not now, I'm just not in the mood" I'd be crushed. Do woman think their husbands don't also have feelings? Ok so your tired... it's been along day... how much effort does it really take to cooperate?

Again, (I'm begining to feel like a broken record) It seems to me it shouldn't be forced... it should be recieved willingly.

My husband can get laid every night and be fine. I guess it's different for women. But to be accepted willingly, it has to be accepted on BOTH ends and not forced by either the husband or the wife on the other person in the relationship.

My partner doesn't force me, he doesn't have to... I am happy to recieve him. I'm not suggesting husbands should take it by force... but rather wives accept it willingly.

Again, not everyone is the energizer bunny. I know I don't want to go at it when I get done after a 12 hour shift and then chasing my kids around for 8 hours. I'm tired. Keifer Sutherland can walk in my bedroom with his member in his hand and I would not accept.

When you show affection by leaving love notes for your husband, I bet he has never said "I'm not in the mood right now to read this" but yet woman think its fine to say "I'm not in the mood right now to take my husband".

And you think men don't have that same thought? My husband is a police detective. Many nights he's come home dog tired and I wanted sex. Instead of badgering him, it took one look that says "No" and I shut up. Men do have off days, too.

Still a token of affection but the latter is now acceptable. What gives? If I hinted to my partner I was feeling urges and he said "not now, I'm just not in the mood" I'd be crushed.

Then you have issues.

Do woman think their husbands don't also have feelings? Ok so your tired... it's been along day... how much effort does it really take to cooperate?

OMG, so I should just drop my pants whenver my husband comes up next to me and starts poking me? I'm sorry, but I'm not his sex slave. it sounds to me that you are a sex slave and don't know how to say no. I am so sorry.

Property, you feel like a broken record because you are not hearing what these ladies have to say. Just because your relationship is all wonderful and succumbing to your man's every desires works for you, doesn't make it right for everyone else in the world.
Another thing you are failing to hear is that all men are not like your man. There are many heartless pieces of rubbish out there that just want their wives crotch (or mouth)and nothing else will please them or maintain their happiness.
You are truly blessed to have a man that wont advance on you when he can tell it wont be received. He doesn't put you in this position, so you will never understand it. You must have a deeply intimate relationship, because most men can't tell if their lady is in the mood or not, or if he can get her in the mood or not. Most men feel the tingle, and all else goes out the window.
So let me ask you this...you are sick, been sick for three days, you're all "snotty" and congested, haven't been able to get out of bed. Your man has a tough day and really needs to relieve some tension. The thought of motion make you sick and dizzy just thinking about it. But for some reason he's got a tent that wont quit and can't get it to go away on his own...
finish the story dear, tell us what you would do.

If he was in the mood despite me being snotty- to be fair it has not come up. As I've said somewhere priviously on the post, my mate prefers to have my A game material. If I'm truely as sick as you discribe, I clearly would not be up to giving it my all. However, I would if it was in my capacity serve him, a slight sniffle wouldn't slow me down.

OK, here is the problem. When my husband and I make love, I am not SERVING him. If my husband makes a move on me and we make love, I am not SUMITTING to him. If I am too tired or simply not in the mood, I am not REJECTING him.

Your words are sexist and archaic. Maybe you don't mean it that way, but you seemed very happy that you are his most valuable possession.

My husband's most valuable possession is his 4 wheeler or his truck. He does not own me anymore than I own him.

No doubt. My husbands most valuable possession is his 1964 Mustang Fastback. If he even tried to call me his possession....he would be sorry.

Not to be crude, but I give him whatever he likes. On an average day 2-3 times is nothing... but he enjoys other things as well. I don't mean for this discussion to get filthy. That was not my intent, but lets face it, there are things in this world that are slightly more uncomfortable than a BJ. I take a great deal of pleasure in pleasing him.

But I don't like the term submit

Yea I dont care for it either..I'm a woman, a mother, an individual and most of all NOT a slave or slab of meat..I don't SUBMIT to anyone for any damn reason..I have serious issues with that term when its used in context like this..

2-3 times a day?
when do you have time to tend to the children or the housework?

Two of the children are in school during the day, my mate works outside the home and the little one naps. When He gets home, the housework is already done and dinner is made, so I just have to clean up after dinner and he has my complete attention. One time before the kids are up in the morning, one after dinner, and one long session (usually a good couple hours) after the kids are in bed. I do my chores and tend to the kids during the 10 long hours he is at work. I'm pretty sure any stay at home mom could manage that.

so the time after dinner..
the kids are home and awake
and the two of you sneak off to have some leaving them to what, tend to themselves
so you neglect your children to please your husband?
I am desperately trying to wrap my head around this mentality

Wow. frigid. My older kids are able to occupy themselves nicely, and the youngest plays with them. They are happy well adjusted kids, not needy. They do not need me to hold their hands so that they can play. They have my undivided attention most of the day. Frankly, the older two are quite mature, and require little attention.

Neglect children? If she is caring for her children, as she says she does, I'm sure they're well adjusted children and have their own interests aside from their parents. When I was younger, we'd go up to our rooms, play outside, play with each other....our parents weren't what we were concerned with, we hoped they could do what they needed to, to stay together.....

If all he ever wants, is a bj, then your relationship might need a little more intimacy. And when you do deliver what he asks for, does it turn into more, or is it always about him and then it's over? If that's the case maybe you need to reanalyze the relationship...

I'm with Zukeper on this one. Damn girl, when do you have time to do anything else if he wants nookie 3 times a day? n(BTW Zu--minuses were handed out )

Do you just tell the kids to stay up front and don't bother you or daddy because daddy is a horn dog or what?

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2-3 times a day!?

Sounds like someone needs to start cutting their Viagras in half....

Man that has to hurt....

no doubt. even as a teenager, I never had a guy that was after me that many times in a day. There is a mental problem there.

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Actually, I never said neglect. But I will say that when my kids are up and roaming about, I will be available to them.

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Cyntrow This is the statemnet in your response that I was refering to which led me to believe that you felt the same as the others whom felt that it was child neglect that is why I added you to that portion of my response.
there is no way in hell that I would leave my kids alone just so that I can "take care" of him. My husband wouldn't want that either. Our kids are our top priority. If he has a boner and the kids are coloring in the living, he can lock himself in the bathroom and rub one out.

Property Thank you very much for responding that makes your view point on your situation much easier to understand. I think it is the term submit that is throwing everyone off.

My youngest are 6 and 10. The next oldest is 13 and she is normally "out." I will always be available to my kids. Plus, I don't want my kids knowing that I am off screwing, as I always knew with my parents. I never said neglect, but yeah, I think it's selfish. If my kids are outside playing, my husband and I might try a quickie. It's fun and harmless. And, of course when they are asleep. But when they are up and about, I consider it wreckless.

Okay that is great and all but it just seems like judgement is being passed pretty quickly when it comes to her parenting. She never said how old her kids are. She said that they are old enough to look after themselves but never gave specifics. Now you just said: If my kids are outside playing, my husband and I might try a quickie. So I wonder how do you know that this is not the case with her and her husband? I am terribly sorry if any of what I say is offending you. I am just the type of person that feels like judgment should not be passed on people so lightly. I mean I don't know this person just like I don't know you and you don't know me or her, so forth and so on. See what I mean. I am sure that everyone with kids, no matter the age, Likes to get a quickie during the day if it is convienient. No I would not just leave my kids sitting in the living room watching a movie or something while I go to my room and get it on for an hour but a quickie; there is no harm in that. I think that a lot of everyones problem with property is just the way she is stating everything. Just like she didn't specify the age of her kids she also did not specify wether or not her mid day whoopee is a quickie or not. I really hope that my comments are not upsetting you. I just want to try to portray to you what I think of this situation and see if maybe, possibly you can understand a little bit better what she is saying.

No, I just don't think you get it. her words say that she cares more about her husband's "needs" than her kids. I'm not reading into it. I'm reading it. If she means differently, she should specify. I've stated that my kids are the top priority for my husband and myself. She says that her husband is top priority. The kids can fend for themselves. Say what you want, but if she is being truthful, which I am doubting, there is a problem there. She said that her older kids can entertain her younger kids while she, and these ar my words, takes care of her husband.

My only problem with Property is the words she uses. She is someone's property. My thought is that something is not right. She is either being abused, she might be a man acting like a woman, or she is in a D&S relationship. The last one is fine, but she needs to clarify.

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Property, I think you are creating unnecessary generalizations. If your only topic was "why is unwanted sex called rape", then you should have left it at that. but instead, you took it to the extreme, making the statement that all women should be 100% accessible 100% of the time to any and every of your man's whims. Those are two HUGE extremes on totally opposite ends of the spectrum.

When it comes to rape, no means no, period. Husband or not. If you don't want sex, no one ever has the right to force you to. To do so is rape. End of story.

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Frodo, whatever started the topic, she turned it into: "I do whatever my husband wants whenever he wants and if the rest of you don't, you must not want to be with your husband.

Frodo, I am walking away from you now, agreeing to disagree. Have a great day and a great life.

Take care.

Shard I do agree with your point of view. It just Upset me when people started to call her a bad mother. That IMO was completley uncalled for. I do agree though with what you are saying that Prop should not sit here and say that there must be something wrong with you if you do not submit to your hubbys every single want. The world doesn't work like that and I have expressed that in my above responses to this discussion. So I am not saying that your views by any means are wrong, I was mainly refering to the statement left by gloom and the whole thing about her kids was directed at cyntrow.

Cyntrow you can be done that is fine I was merely addressing your judgment of property's parenting abitlities. I think it is wrong to assume that someone is neglecting their children just because they don't share the same opinions as yourself. I am sorry if you think I am wrong for that I truly am, but I would want someone to deffend me is I was being called a neglectfull mother. I am not disagreeing with your sediments about the submitting to your husband or that it is wrong if someone does not do so I am disagreeing with the part that is saying she neglected her kids. So Happy mylotting to you and sorry I had to disagree with you.

You misunderstood me, but it's cool. Again, have a great day and a great life.

Take care

mrsfrotata- I don't know how your posts are slipping past my radar... really I'm not ignoring you. I actually appreciate that your attempting to reel the discussion back in. Thanks!

Property, it would have helped if the discussion had started where you claimed it did.

It did start where she claimed it did, I know I was there and you weren't!

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Ah I see I understand what you are saying. She is saying that this post is about trying to find out why people claim that their husband rapes them but in reality this discussion is really about her marital submissions and you feel that she should have stuck to the original thought instead of taking it in another direction. Sorry I understand what you mean.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you. LOL. I knew you didn't get me. I just wasn't sure how to turn it around.

Its cool. I think that everyone just looks at things from a different prospective sometimes. (just so you know I am not a negative rater just cause I disagree of they disagree with me.) I positive rate everything. LOL

I don't mind neg ratings. For the record, I poz rate or don't rate at all. I report for cheating only. I'm actually shocked that I am still a 9. I tend to get a bit snarky and I am very direct. I think many people are taken aback. But I gotta be me. Feel free to check my other discussions and you might see where I am coming from.

Anyhow, thanks again for seeing what I was trying to say.

take care,

Cyndi

No problem glad we chatted. LOL
Trina

Ah a voice of reason!!! Thank you. I think you hit the real root of the problem. I derive enormous amounts of pleasure from my mate. Thats why I don't understand why a woman would not want to please their husband. If a woman is not gaining pleasure from her spouce, why even stay?

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If a woman is not gaining pleasure from her spouce, why even stay?

but why are you assuming that we dont get pleasure from our partners? Thats just not the case..both my men turn me on and hook me up brilliantly but that doesnt mean I'm going to always give it up..sometimes I just flatout dont want to, not in the mood, too tired, had a busy day, dont feel well etc etc etc...

For many of us, our not submitting has ZERO to do with not being satisfied sexually...you IMO really should stop trying to connect the two..

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I was really begining to think I was some kind of freak, there. Thank You. Now I don't feel like I'm alone on this rock. Seriously I fear I'm out numbered. Yes, I am flattered by his advances. Frankly, after tending to little ones all day it is nice to feel like a woman when my mate gets home.
I'm glad to hear you feel the same!

I am sorry but that is not what feeling like a woman feels like
that is what feeling like a sex slave feels like
you want to feel good?
maybe your man should zip his pants and grab a dishtowel and clean up after dinner once in awhile

Ok. you've made your point. My lifestyle doesn't do it for you. That's fine. It works for me though, and I don't need anyone to do my dishes, the powers that be where nice enough to give me two working arms to go with my pink bits.

pink bits?? hmmmmm. Seems you are not what you pretend to be.

Indeed Cyntrow. Methinks he doth profess too much.

My thoughts exactly! A wolf in sheep's clothing, perhaps? Most men wake up hard, it is a act of life, and it does not mean that they want to do it every time they get that way! Otherwise it would be a nonstop party and believe me, he would get very tired and sick in his body if he gives in to his own desires that often! A man told me that his doctor said he better slow down and not do it whenever he wants to, as it takes vitamins and stamina that cannot be replaced very quickly!

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Are you gonna answer any questions that come your way?

Why do you use the word mate and not husband, boyfriend, lover partner. Mate has two main definitions; platonic friend or breeding partner.

Which definition are you using?

Pink bits? What are pink bits?

Pink bits- the bits on a womans body which are pink. You can find two above the waist...and another area below. Granted, depending on you nationality, pink bits can come in other shades as well. Sorry for the confusion.

But if you felt you had to, wouldn't that be a waring sign that there are other oroblems with the relationship to start with? I mean if your say upset about other things an can't bring yourself to be with your spouce in an intimate way... isn't that an even larger problem?

Yes, I don't think any man should make his wife feel like she HAS to. That is not a healthy relationship.
But I know there are times I may be angry at my husband and not wish to be intimate with him that night, until I get over being upset. I don't think that's a sign there's a larger problem because the next day I will feel better and will be able to be intimate. I am lucky that he respects me and has never pushed me to be with him on the few occasions I don't want to.

I'm not saying I walk around in the mood 24/7. What I am saying is that if he is in the mood I recieve him regardless of my mood, because even if I don't start out in the mood he gets me in the mood quite easily. So to be sure I WILL get a great deal out of it. Keeping him happy in and of itself keeps me happy. My mate is not the first person I have had relations with, past relations did not work so well with me. Those relations ended subsequently. I'm just saying if you love your mate and he trys to be affectionate (presuming you have a good relationship ) why would you turn him away? Seems counter productive.

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Not having sex for a day or two does NOT make my husband unhappy. If it did than he would not be the right person for me. We have a relationship that's based on something more substantial.

BRAVO CYN!!!! excellent response!!

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"But he tells me daily that I am the most valuable of all his possessions. "

Ummm I am sorry he calls you one of his possessions?
and you think thats ok?
no woman is the PROPERTY of any man
we are not trophies to be collected on a shelf for their amusement
you are right, your lifestyle certainly is NOT for me because i am a self respecting independent woman that needs no man to try to claim me as PROPERTY

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A TV is a possession
A car is a possession.
A bowl is a possession
A table is a possession
A fridge is a possession
A bathtub is a possession
A recliner is a possession
A microwave is a possession
A dishwasher is a possession

A wife or a person is NOT a possession.

Dude ya'll need to chill out! All she was asking was is anyone else felt the way she did. Not how wrong she is for feeling that way. Yea i get it ya'll have your way and she has her's, there is no need to criticize her. If she is happy with her relationship then I say more power to her!

Are you her husband?

I was wondering the same thing moopile
anime
ARE you her husband?

I'm beginnning to wonder the same thing. Because I find it difficult to believe that any woman who doesn't live in a third world nation would consider herself property

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That was relatively funny... dang and i was really starting not to like you.:)

Anime, if you start a discussion on MyLot (especially if you KNOW people are going to disagree) you have to expect to defend your views. That's just the way it is and it's what makes MyLot fun as well as profitable.

To true Shard! I cant help but get a little feisty, it's the italian in me... LOL!

Fine! If the guy your with is a forceful butthead and you don't want to be with him... why would you stay with him? I respect my mate. I want to be with him. If I didn't I'd leave. See what I'm saying. I don't mean every woman should submit to someone she doesn't desire...I mean why be there in the first place if you don't desire the one your with? Obviously, if you have a bad day and your not in the mood, your not in the mood. Only a jerk would force you. So why be with a jerk?