Where Did She Go? A Story  | | | |  Since there seems to be a trend here for posting stories or poems, I thought I'd join the bandwagaon...LOL. I wrote this story three years ago, while my mother was still alive and was going through a lot of turmoil with her. Most of my stories are REAL long...like twenty or more pages...this is one of my shorter stories. This story is copyrighted and appears over at The Virtual Studio website and the link is here.
http://www.zoetrope.com/m...
©2005/ MELANIE NEER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I look up from what I've been so intensely doing for the last two hours, staring at the dancing, flickering flames of the two lit orange-colored candles set before me. I watch as the smoke playfully spirals upward from the stick of Jasmine incense. I've been writing. I do that a lot lately, usually in the wee small hours of the morning when I know I won't have any distractions. Writing has become one of my escapes to block out my mother's dismal existence for awhile.
I turn my head for a moment, glancing over my shoulder into the living room where I see my mother sitting on the sofa. She's sound asleep. Yes, it's late, most people are asleep at 4:15 a.m., but with my mother it's different. She sleeps a lot, all the time, day and night. That's how she's been spending her life lately, just sitting on the sofa sleeping. She hasn't had motivation to do anything in a long, long time, not that she ever had much to begin with, but now it's worse, so much, much worse. It's been like living with a corpse.
For years I've been trying to get my mother enthused in doing something...anything, to make her a part of the world of the living again. She used to do such beautiful sketches and oil paintings, yet now she never bothers to pick up a pencil or a piece of paper to do the most simplest of mindless doodles. You know...those silly, nonsensical drawings one often does particularly while talking on the phone. She doesn't even do that. She doesn't do anything...period. She ignores whatever I say to her. She's not listening. Not anymore. She's tuned out, living in the twilight zone.
I pity her. Really. I do. I feel so sorry for her at times, that is when I'm not hating her so much, which frankly is all the time now. I never thought I could have such hatred or animosity toward a person the way I've been feeling toward my mother, but I do. Doesn't she realize how she's been wasting her life away all these years? Can't she conceive how precious life is? That it's a gift? She should be grateful, that at her age, when she opens her eyes and wakes up from a deep slumber, that she has another opportunity in living one more day, of being alive, no matter how seemingly difficult life may be.
It's only been these past few years, that my mother has been so depressingly dismal, yet she doesn't seem to realize that she herself has chosen to live her life this way. Yes, she has chosen it, no one else. She has no one else to blame for the way things have turned out, and of her present hardships she's been enduring. She refuses to acknowledge, that she's been the author of her own misery. She wants instead to blame everyone else in the world for her problems and for the way she is now, and of course, she particularly wants to point the finger at me for her strife in life. What a laugh! As if one day I had told her to stop living, of truly being alive, and to transform herself into this miserable, wretched, resentful, bitter old hag that she's become.
The frightening part of it all, is that she doesn't even think that there's anything wrong with her. A few times I've asked her, point blank, "Don't you sense that there's something wrong with you?" All I get is that all too familiar blank, stony-faced expression of non-comprehension of hers. There actually have been times when I've questioned my own sanity, thinking perhaps that maybe I'm the crazy one, and she's normal. But how can it be normal to just sit on one's a$$ all the time and not do anything, to not be interested in picking up a book to read or watch TV; most of all, how can it be normal not to have any dreams or goals to aspire to?
Then one day, not too long ago, a rather eerie thought struck me. My mother's behavior has been so non-reactive to anything, that in some ways I've gotten used to it, but then it occurred to me...there was something else missing in my mother, so I asked her, "Mom, I can't remember the last time I heard you laugh. Do you ever laugh anymore?" This time, instead of the blank stare I usually got, she made a reply, and it was a dousey, "Yes, when I'm away from you." Wham! Guilt trip alert!
I've either very naïve, or very stupid all these years, despite my so-called high intelligence. It's like I've finally woke up to realize how good my mother's been in laying the guilt trip scenes with me all my life. I've also recognized what a manipulative, push-your-buttons b*tch she's been, and a supreme expert in dumping off her responsibilities onto, not only me, but to everyone she has ever known. And, oh, what a God-damned liar as well, all to make herself come across as this sweet, innocent, poor me victim. Doesn't she know that sooner or later, lies are eventually revealed, found out? The sad fact is, I don't think she's capable of telling the truth anymore, and who knows, perhaps never has.
It almost ironic, but when Anna lived down the block, we weren't particularly chummy, but now that she's moved to California, we've gotten quite close. Figures. We've been writing virtual novellas to each other, and sometimes have marathon yaks on the phone. Well...my God! Anna's been telling me all the crap my mother's been dishing out to people over the years. What a pack of lies she's been telling. It seems my mother has been busy claiming how terribly hard it's been throughout her life; that it's been no bed of roses. What the hell is this woman talking about? From what she would tell me about herself, my mother grew up like a spoiled rotten, pampered princess, having a maid and a housekeeper, and a rich aunt and uncle who gave her whatever she wanted.
The worse however, are the lies she's been telling about me. Apparently, she's never told anyone of my successes as a photographer, or of my getting my photos published, that I've won a few contests, or that one of my published photos on the cover of a magazine, was cited as best cover of the year. Oh, no! She's never told anyone, any of this, but instead has been making me out to be this blithering idiot who hasn't done a damn thing in life. She's been so busy telling people how I'm always yelling and screaming at her, and calling her names, which, yes, I do admit to doing, yet the way she's told it, has made me sound like I'm a candidate for the daughter from hell award.
I sigh slightly while closing the notebook I've been writing in, then reach over blowing out the candles. Before going to the bathroom to start filling a much needed, relaxing hot bath, I head for the kitchen for a snack.
Opening the fridge, I notice the stack of Russler-brand deli meats, two one-pound packages of Hotel Bar Butter, a container of cottage cheese, two bricks of Swiss cheese, and a pound of Boar's Head smoked bacon. My mother's "spoils" for the day. Now I know why she always carries that over-sized black tote bag of hers. How she hasn't been caught, I'll never know, but I'm almost expecting to receive a phone call from the 110th Precinct that they are holding my mother there. Oh, yes, my mother a thief as well. I once asked her if she felt guilty about stealing...again, all I got was that blank stare while she shook her head no.
I cut a chunk of the cheese, nibbling on it while heading toward the bathroom. I glance over to my mother. I feel the anger rise within me. Oh, how I hate the woman. I feel guilty about that, she is after all my mother, and isn't one supposed to love one's mother no matter what? Yet, she's no longer my mother now. She looks like my mother, sounds like my mother, but that woman sitting on the sofa is not the same woman I used to know. How sad. How pathetically sad. Am I going to miss her when she dies? How can I? She died a long time ago.
Discussion questions:
In times of upheaval or turmoil were you ever inspired to write a story about it? Did it serve as a catharsis to get it out of your system?
Did you ever have to deal with a family member that really played innocent and didn't realize the problems they were causing?
My mother was actually seeing a therapist...but as you can guess, he didn't help her at all. Have you had a family member seek therapy and they didn't get the help that you think they deserved?
Did a family member ever take to stealing and they didn't see anything wrong with it?
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 1.  ElicBxn (24681)
|
4 years ago
| |  I was the only member of the family to ever see a therapist was me until my sister lost her job. Even then she was only going to have her meds checked.
I was a depressed child, a depressed teen and still have problems with depression.
I try to deal with it, but sometimes it gets the better of me.
| | | | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Did you ever allow for "intervention" though by other family members, by signing a proxy?
Did they try to help you out, were they able to help you out?
That was the whole problem here...My mother was seeing a therapist for five years...I knew she had emotional problems, even depression, but the therapist never helped her with it...she was also a great actress, appearing one way to the rest of the world, and different at home. I'm not big on med taking but I really do think she could have benefited there with meds. Without signing a proxy I wasn't allowed one word in her clinical care, not even when she started doing a bulimic thing...I even wrote a really long letter to the executive director about everything, all I got back was a few word reply..."Due to the Hipaa Privacy Laws we may not discuss your mother's clinical care. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us." Like big friggin deal.. She didn't sign a proxy until the last few months of her life..then you better be sure I went to see her therapist with her...I'm describing my mother's emotional problems and depression to him..he says "You're mother doesn't look depressed to me." She's sitting right next to me with a smile on her face...give me a break..he was basing his psycho-analytical evaluation of my mother that she wasn't depressed because she was smiling???....what a putz | | | |
| blackbriar (6633)
|
4 years ago
| |  Read my story, Elic, right under yours. I too was a depressed child and it carried into my adult life and marriage but I didn't know it up till a few years ago when I hit the lowest point in my life which almost ended had not someone rescued me. I hate this rollercoaster ride and really wish I can get off but it's not that easy when stress is always hanging around.
| | | |
| ElicBxn (24681)
|
4 years ago
| | I started talking to a coucilor in my early teens, my mom took me. My parents tried to be supportive, but they didn't understand why I was so unhappy. Heck, I don't know why I was so unhappy. The thing was that I don't really like myself that much. I hated being so shy. I finally decided that I was going to change, it was change or die. I still have certain issues, I'm still shy, but I can pretend to be more outgoing.
The former roommate said my parents were Ozzie and Harriet. I should've had the ideal "leave it to beaver" growing up, but I was misserable. | | | |
| blackbriar (6633)
|
4 years ago
| | My parents never took me to see a therapist. I don't know why but I know I never went to one. I was a loner and very shy as well and still am even though I don't come across as being shy here. | | | | | | | Depression Information Are You Depressed? Don't Wait. Get The Help You Need Now! HealthVinePlus.com | add comment | | | |
| | 2. blackbriar (6633)
|
4 years ago
| | Excellent story, Pye. Sad, but excellent. Every story I read of yours is captivating and I can't stop till the end. My biggest upheaval in life was the time I went to a hotel with hubby back when we were dating. I came home to a note on my bed from my mother. It was short and very hurtful, calling me a tramp and wh0re just because we went to a hotel to talk. We didn't sleep together or anything. We stayed up all night and just talked and watched tv. It hurt cause I never thought my mother would not know me being I'm her daughter. She didn't know I was wise beyond my years then. How could she when she never listened to me when I talked. That's why I was so close to my dad. We always had father-daughter talks and he would really listen to what I said just like I listened to him. He knew me well and knew we didn't do anything wrong in that hotel room. I confided in him that mom was really hurting me and has been for years. Not physical but verbally and mentally. I just didn't realize it till that morning when I found that note because that's the day I sat down and wrote her a 3 page letter stating how I viewed my life living at home with her. I was in tears and had to stop quite a few times b4 I could write some more. My dad had no clue she was doing this to me being she only done it when he was at work or out golfing with a couple of his co-workers. Rarely received hugs from her and can't recall the last time she said 'I love you'. All I remember is the great times I've had with my dad, the cuddling and 'Love you more' blurts. He was the one who took me just about everywhere with him. My mom could never be bothered and is still like that to this day. So later that day after telling him what mom has been doing to me all those years, I told him I was moving out. That now that I actually found someone who really cared about me and couldn't put up with any more of her downgrades towards him and I. Next day, my hubby showed up at the door. My mom had no clue what was about to take place being my dad didn't mention it to her. I was up very early to pack everything in my room that was going with me. Mom answered and I went out to invite him in. She refused to let him in. I told my mom that if she didn't let him in to help me carry everything out, I was calling the police. I meant every word at that. She went into a wholly fit and went down into the basement. I indicated for him to come in and we had everything loaded into his dad's cargo van in 15 min. I opened the basement door and told her bye and left. I took her a year to realize that my hubby was/is a great guy who doesn't drink or do any kind of drugs other than the scripts he has to take. Sure our married life was like a roller coaster but we managed to get thru the rough parts. To this day, she still refuses to acknowledge him. Specially after he walked out on us, even though we worked it out and stayed together. | | | | | | |
| blackbriar (6633)
|
4 years ago
| | Pye, I tried your link but it said Error! try again. There was no search box so didn't know how to find your profile there. | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Sounds like you had and have a real "peach" of a mother as well. Parents sometimes don't realize that verbal abuse can hurt and cause just as many scars as physical abuse...believe me I know ...been there too, not just my mother, but my grandmother as well. The kicker was that the two of them could appear so "different" and nice to the outside world...another matter when home. Both keep many of their feelings bottled up...very non-demonstrative,..not huggie or affectionate people and both were alcoholics...well when either of them drank, that brought out the sheer nastiness in them and both were drunk most of the time...I think many of the things my grandmother said to me..making me feel unworthy to be alive were things she actually wanted to say to her daughter, my mother, but I was the one "around" to get all the crap
I'm glad to hear you at least had a better relationship with your father..and real lad you had the incentive to get out of that environment though
I sometimes wonder why we're born to parents like that though...I kid people and say I must have been switched at birth and really didn't belong to the two people that raised me..LOL | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Oops..didn't realize...maybe it only works for members...and you have to be registered there or something....but you're right...the linked worked for me as I was signed in...then I purposely logged out and tried the link and got the error too
Okay try this link as it's also over at Edit-Red..hope it works
http://www.editred.com/Up... | | | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Mmm..that's weird...
Okay try this then...LOL
This is the link for The American Tolkien Society
http://www.americantolkiensociety.org/MTES.htm
Look for the link to click on that says "Complete Sample Issues: Summer 2006"
It'll download the Summer 2006 issue of Minas Tirith ~ Evening Star...the drawing on the cover is mine, and then there is the story of mine "Snowmane's Tale" | | | |
| blackbriar (6633)
|
4 years ago
| | I was able to view both websites and just got done reading 2 of your wonderful stories and your poem The Musings. Loved them all, Pye. Any more you care to share? | | | | | | | |
| ElicBxn (24681)
|
4 years ago
| | Unlike some parents, my parents really cared and wanted us all to be happy.
I think it pained them to know how unhappy I was. I had few friends, I was being tormented by the kids at school, I really just wanted to lay down and die. Going to school was terrible, if it hadn't been for a few classes, I might've just quit.
But I was such a good child, I didn't even know how to do that! | | | |
| blackbriar (6633)
|
4 years ago
| | I came pretty close to burning my grade school down. I hated it that much. The tormenting of the kids and the teachers just ignoring it. High school wasn't as bad but still hated it. I had no friends at all till I went to college. Even then, I only had one friend. I get invites all the time for grade school and high school reunions but have no desire to attend them. Why would I want to reunite with my tormenters? They could all go to hell far as I care. | | | | | | | Treating Bipolar Disorder Get Treatment for Bipolar Disorder Now! Dont Wait! lapalomatreatment.com | add comment | | | |
| 3.  OreoCookie3 (22470)
|
4 years ago
| |  This is an awesome piece of work.. a great read.. and a true slice of your life. I was sad to read it, but still was caught up in it.. I loved it, yet I grieve for you and your mother. Something I thought I found missing here, is what was missing in my own life to a great degree and that was hugs. I wonder if your mom had hugged you or if you had hugged her... could there have been some melting of the ice.
I do agree with you she must have had some kind of mental breakdown or problem, after all stealing is wrong. I know I am proud of my daughter, and even though she isn't a high school graduate, or employed by some great company.. I am proud just because God gave her to me.
She has problems.. but I think God knew she would have them, and HE chose me to raise her and love her. We hug. I didn't get hugs and we do.
Now to your questions...
I do write when things are in upheaval.. I write poetry mostly to get my feelings out. I've written a couple of small books.. one was just a test run and the other was much bigger.. yet still small.. about 80 pages.
To me, writing does empty me of the hurtful things. It helps me to heal when I am hurt, and it also helps me to remember my joys and accomplishments.
My daughter has DID (dissociative identity disorder) and there is no cure, no medicine to make it go away. She has a psychiatrist, and she has a therapist now and then, but when she thinks she is well she says she doesn't need her or him.. that is just part of her illness.
Whether my daughter was well or as she is I would NEVER make her feel unloved. I feel your pain in this.. and I feel that you grew to resent and even hate her because you didn't feel loved.
Great story, and thanks for sharing Pye.
| | | | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Thank you Oreo...who knows maybe your daughter was purposely "sent" to you...since you had less than an ideal upbringing yourself, I just bet you vowed to yourself, that if you had children, that you would never treat a child the way you were treated when you were growing up. Is DID almost like bi-polar?? I heard that when bi-polar are are there "high" mood side they think they are better too.
My mother was a very undemonstrative person Cookie...kept her feelings bottled up and definitely not demonstrative in showing any affection...I don't think she knew how and I'm guessing maybe she didn't receive any real affection from her mother as well. The few times we would say goodbye to each other, say like when I'd be off on a trip, and I was the only one who would fly, she "kind of" hugged me...but it was like it took a great effort in her part and very forced, even though I sensed she was probably a nervous wreck about my flying as she was scared out of her mind about it and didn't fly again for the rest of her life after the late 1950s. Long story there
I was a great fan of Leo Buscaglia..remember him? The "hug" guy? He used to have a lot of shows on PBS stations..he kept emphasizing the importance of hugging people you knew..friends, family....well one day I got it in me to do a real old fashion hug to my mother, so went over to her and hugged her...My God, you think I was attacking her and she pushed me away. How sad, no? Me? I'm definitely a hugger..I love to hug people and almost kind of expect them to hug me---one time a friend came over to visit me..then when .she was all set to leave, I said...hey, did you forget something? She's a hugger too...so we hugged before she left | | | |
| OreoCookie3 (22470)
|
4 years ago
| | My daughter has DID AND Bipolar, AND Schizoaffective Psychosis. She has an "alter" that beats the crap out of her.. she has broken her wrist, attacked herself with a hammer, and never felt a thing until the alter went away and she was herself again. She is now recovering from another hammering episode and has nerve damage. This is why I am home bound.. I am her companion.. even then she will do hurt herself without my knowledge.. so when she gets quiet I have to check on her.
Every day now I am asking prayer with my daughter and asking God to let her be in her RIGHT mind TODAY. Just one day at a time, Sweet Jesus! So far there have not been any episodes this week...but she is still in pain from the last event. | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Crap you really have your hands full then. What I'm trying to figure out, what exactly causes such severe emotional problems....is there an environmental link???? Or maybe all those dam vaccines that are given to children when they are so young...I once did an article how some think there is a link with childhood vaccines and ADHD and autism, since those vaccines have a form of mercury in them--so is it possible these vaccines can trigger other emotional problems as well?
Yes, in your case, I guess you have had to really take the concept of living one day, or even one moment at a time to the hilt | | | |
| OreoCookie3 (22470)
|
4 years ago
| | It's in the genes Pye.. I knew my husband's mother was a mean and nasty, and terribly moody but there was no name for it. She and her daughter were really bipolar, but I didn't know that word then. She had so many people inside of her that I never knew who I was talking to. One minute she was nice, the next she was calling me a jack a$$ or a d-fool. She was just plain mean. She tormented her kids when they were small.. my then husband said.
My daughter was molested by an ex-husband. Her alters I think meant to protect her.. but somehow it turned into a self abusing thing. I have to be with her at all times when her hubby is away at work.
She is a sweet daughter and a wonderful woman no matter what she has gone through I will always be proud of her for being who she is.
| | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Yes I've heard a lot of emotional problems are genetic....even panic disorder...think my mother was actually a very anxious person herself, same with my grandmother, since my own phobic disorder seemingly came out of the blue..it wasn't like I had any traumatic experiences in my life
Bit confused here..you said your daughter was abused by an ex-husband...hers or yours??
I'm thinking next time I post a story...I'll post the very first one that was published..a MUCH lighter and whimsical one...to show I'm not all anger here...LOL | | | |
| OreoCookie3 (22470)
|
4 years ago
| | She was just 10. I was working full time and he was the "house husband" truth be known he just didn't like to work. He was an out of work hairdresser, and never worked in a shop since I was married to him.. don't know if he didn't renew his license or what. I met him, he was a new employee at the hospital and I was giving him his work phsyical in the ER.. just doing his vitals and visual eye chart stuff and asking the questions. We hit it off, he had a little daughter, and we got married about a year after we met. His then 4 year old was out flower girl.. and my daughter was my little maid of honor. He touched her inappropriately while I worked all hours of the day and night. I never knew it until she was 13 when she first went to the psychiatric hospital.
Thing is.. I never even had a clue. He was a good dresser, and good singer. He sang You Light Up My Life to me at our wedding... we ended up only married for 6 months though.. broke up for the not working and spending our money like it was growing on trees.. but I never knew until the hospitalization. | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Makes you wonder if he had been abused as a kid himself as sometimes abusive behavior runs in families | | | |
| OreoCookie3 (22470)
|
4 years ago
| | You just never know about how folks lived in their childhoods if they don't talk about them. Many more people are abused than we would think.. it's a terrible thing for this stuff to go on in families or with family friends being the culprit.
| | | | | | | Depression medicines not working or can't stop them-new natural approach-900+ MD clinics www.neurosciencemyths.com | add comment | | | |
| | 4. sumofalltears (2673)
|
4 years ago
| |  I often write when I am upset about something. It helps to bring order to my errant thoughts. Writing and making lists are two of the best ways for me to bring a semblance of order back to my situations. Sometimes things just keep going round and round in my head like a record playing and stopping to write makes the record skip so I can think again. I haven't published any of my stories because they are somewhat personal, but my poetry is out there somewhere...lol.
| | | | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | I think a lot of us tend to write when we're upset or even depressed about something...I think you can sense the anger and hatred I had toward my mother back then as it was a feeling I had every single day toward her during her last years of her life...she caused so many problems in both our lives--if I had had the money I would have moved out in a flash, but I couldn't. Reading the story now, is like almost a memory of just how angry I was. Thank goodness I don't feel that anger now.
Where's your poetry??? | | | | | | | Bipolar Disorder Symptoms Learn Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder & Depression + Treatment Option www.lakeviewhealth.com | add comment | | | |
| | 5. winterose (18789)
|
4 years ago
| |  your mom was mentally ill, and I am not so sure she was capable of changing her attitude on life, at least she was severely clinical depressed, though there were no really good medication back then, the new seratonin uptake inhibitors, regulate brain chemistry which helps the person to think like the rest of us so called people do.
You cannot take a person with a chemical imbalance and expect them to think like a normal person without proper medication as well as therapy. It would be like a trying to get a 6 year old to understands what it is like to get divorced. They just to not have the mental capacity.
Having said that, it was a very horrible situation for you to be in, not feeling loved or wanted in this world.
I felt the same way as I wrote in my stories, the father parents who rejected me, even my grandmother whom I idolized did say some pretty hateful things at times, but the difference is I knew she loved me more than she loved herself.
Yes my stories are a catharsis, and I actually write the best stories, when I am feeling down, may of my fans have remarked. When I first started my e-zine way back when, it was because I had 700 people on my email list who wanted to devour my stories,
I now have well over 3,000 members.
Writing has become my mission,my way to reach out to the world, and share the joys and sorrows of life, and there are both, nobody's life is perfect.
Pye I hope in your adult life you have found people that love and care for you, even if they are only an email connection.
My life has been so enriched by all the wonderful friends I have had over the ages, and I wish the best for you too.
| | | | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Yes winterose, looking back at her behavior, I suspect she may have always been mentally ill...from remembering her even in my earlier years growing up, she had horrific mood swings...and very extravagant spending habits...from what I've read...almost sounds like bi-polar...she was fine while things went her way and no one upset the apple cart...of course back then not too many people were even aware of bi-polar or manic depressive symptoms. Both my grandmother and I had to walk on eggshells as we never knew what kind of mood my mother be in..the worse of course were her anger fits...she would just explode. Especially in her last years of her life she was particularly worse. If I said the slightest thing that she didn't like she come racing up to me with a crazed deranged look on her face...I didn't know what to expect..thought she was going to beat the hell out of me and sometimes honestly...if she had a knife in her hands at that moment, I probably wouldn't be here writing this. The first few times she storm up to me I cringed..the next time I challenged her, saying you lay on hand on me, I'm calling the cops, file charges against you and have them cart you away"...this worked as she never did it again. But what was so frustrating, I WAS trying to get people to notice her behavior..from her therapist, doctors, and social worker, but because she never consented to sign a proxy not until the last few months of her life, no one would listen to me due to those ironclad Hipaa Privacy Laws we have here.
When she finally did sign I did go with her to her therapist, but it still didn't seem to do any good, since she was also a chronic lier and God knows what crap she told him..especially about me--as I indicated in my story..she probably made me sound like a candidate for the daughter from hell award just to make herself look better. The therapist, when I went with her, and it was to turn out her final time, as oddly enough he didn't seem to think her behavior was that bad, so he only say her once a month rather than weekly, did prescribe an anti-depressant..but it was like too little too late to really help her..she was to pass on a little over a month afterwards--the medication he prescribed was Celexa.
What I can't understand, yes she was a terrific actress and could charm the socks off of people...but what I can't understand is this...despite all her "acting" to be normal especially in front of a therapist...wouldn't he have caught on to any emotional problems? I mean he had been seeing her for five years.
My mother died a little less than two years ago winterose...it has actually been such a relief for me and for the first time I've been on the road to trying to gain the life I've yearned for all my life, and on my own road to "healing" as there are still many wounds there that I feel. I've been dealing with my own problem of panic disorder and agoraphobia, and at one time was completely housebound from it...but thank God no longer...in fact I'm almost the opposite and need to be out for awhile everyday rather than be home, despite my joint/ankle problems I have.
But yes, I have discovered many great friends especially here at MyLot....many have had their own stories to tell and have shared their pain in life
| | | |
| winterose (18789)
|
4 years ago
| | from what you are saying it does sound like bi-polar if her mood swings went from very high to very low, it could also be borderline personality disorder as well.
It was very serious whatever it was,
I don't understand why the therapist did not catch on, unless she was always at her best mentally when she saw him,
what kind of therapist was he?
She needed a psychiatrist and hospitalization.
| | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | Yes, I guess my mother was at her best behavior when she saw him. And yes he was a psychiatrist. And nope she was never hospitalized at least not for her mental problems, but medical. It could explain why when she was first diagnosed with cancer in 2005, she refused to go to a rehab. It had been suggested that she got there to get all her nutrition built up plus all her chemo/radiation therapy...don't ask the arguments that took place between us about that...she acted like a temper tantrum child...but I think she may have realized that she could only "act" for so long without giving away how she really was
The only one who seemed to catch on her behavior a bit was her social worker. Quite often the social worker just wanted to talk to me about things and not with my mother around.....and she even hinted she thought my mother had personality disorders. | | | | | | | Cut Down Stomach Fat Fast Incorporate these workout methods to cut down your stomach fat fast. AbStrengthGuide.com | add comment | | | |
| | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | That reminds me, I haven't done any of my artwork in a long time..been so busy writing. Maybe I'll get inspired to draw or paint soon. Yes life definitely must have "interesting" for you with all those bi-polar people you grew up with | | | | | | | Bipolar For 40 years Earth House has provided alternative mental health care earthhouse.org | add comment | | | |
| | | | | | Bipolar Disorder Treatment Options, Latest Advances. Trustworthy, Current Report. www.bipolardisorder-guidebook.com | add comment | | | |
| | 8. winterose (18789)
|
4 years ago
| | there is no doubt in my mind that the social worker was right she had a personality disorder like borderline personality disorder, and she could have been schizoid,
and she could have been bipolar, if the mood swings went from very high and manic to very low depressed.
that psychiatrist was in the wrong profession | | | | | | |
| pyewacket (12221)
|
4 years ago
| | That is why it was so frustrating...I would have loved to have participated in my mother's "clinical" care but since she never consented to sign a proxy, save the last few months of her life, her therapist never got a real clue what she was like....still I think a person in such a profession should have caught even a hint of any mental disorders. But then my mother never verbalized just how exactly she was feeling..either emotionally or medically...case in point...medically she told her docs she had a lot of congestion...now what the hell does that exactly mean? It could mean anything..her so-called congestion turned out to be a tumor in her esophagus..but without being specific of how she felt, doc just thought she had congestion--now if she had opened up her mouth and told them she had pain, or admitted she had to do a bulimic thing, since no doubt the tumor irritated her and she couldn't handle swallowing then they might have discovered the tumor up to a year prior to having it discovered finally | | | | | | | Anxiety? Panic Attacks? Why Suffer? Get the Help You Need. Dont Qualify? Dont Pay. $20 OFF www.OneCareMedicalCenter.com | add comment | | | |
| | | Bipolar Disorder Symptoms Learn Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder& Depression + Treatment Option www.lakeviewhealth.com
| Cut Down Stomach Fat Fast Incorporate these workout methods to cut down your stomach fat fast. AbStrengthGuide.com
| Bipolar For 40 years Earth House has provided alternative mental health care earthhouse.org
|
| | | | | | | | | Bipolar Disorder Symptoms
Learn Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder & Depression + Treatment Option
www.lakeviewhealth.com | | | Cut Down Stomach Fat Fast
Incorporate these workout methods to cut down your stomach fat fast.
AbStrengthGuide.com | | | Bipolar
For 40 years Earth House has provided alternative mental health care
earthhouse.org | | | Bipolar Disorder
Treatment Options, Latest Advances. Trustworthy, Current Report.
www.bipolardisorder-guidebook.com | | | Anxiety? Panic Attacks?
Why Suffer? Get the Help You Need. Dont Qualify? Dont Pay. $20 OFF
www.OneCareMedicalCenter.com | | | Ask a Psych: Bipolar
5 Psychiatrists Online Now Answer Your Bipolar Questions In Minutes.
Psychiatry.eAnswer.com/Bipolar | | | Drawing Products
Check Out Local.com To Find Drawing Products In Your Area!
Local.com | | |
