When Family Screws You Over  

Well, I can't say what I think about this because it wouldn't be very nice. I take an extremely low view of anyone who ignores or abandones their kids. Just because you have a new life doesn't make your responsibilities any less from my point of view.

Wow, I can't believe there is another loser like that out there. MY BIL (same age as your brother btw) has three kids with three different women. I'm not sure about the child support situation, but he hardly ever works anyway. The first two he doesn't ever see (nor can we, the moms moved away and don't want contact with anybody), the last he had married the mom but now they are divorced. And no, I would never give him money. If indeed he would be behind on child support and we could afford to help out, the money would go to the child or court directly. I would never hand my BIL money. I might as well just throw it in the garbage, lol.

I'm sorry you had/have to experience this with your brother. I'm sure in a way it's heartbreaking, not just for the kids but for you. I hope you guys at least get to see the kids. Anyhow, I suppose your money went into financing the move. That could get you into trouble, too, as an accessory. In essence you helped him 'evade the law'. Just moving to New Mexico from Arizona, well the long arm of the law still can reach him. And they will come after him. He is getting himself into deeper trouble. And that has consequences for the new wife and three small kids. I'm amazed the new wife goes along with this. If she is looking out for the welfare of her own kids, this is the wrong way to go about it.

I am sorry to hear that. What a shame for ALL of the children invovled. It is just a shame that he can't be responsible. I am not in any way excusing his behavior, there is no excuse. But I wonder if maybe it is a retaliation of his childhood, being the oldest he had to always be the responsible one? MAybe he is just tired of being responsible. Again I am not excusing his behavior, just trying to mdelve into his phsyce based on what you have told us.


My brother, is 38, he doesn't have his sh!t together either. There are only 2 of us though, I am the baby. He was NEVER responsible, so that might just blow my theory about yours right out the window. My brother has DUI after DUI.. has 2 jobs, but no car. I don't know.. maybe its a male thing

Ducks and runs

If he was young then I think it would be easier to understand why he would do that, but not at that age! I would be so mad that he had taken money from me and then not used it for the purpose it was intended, that is a lot of money too.

I do not understand why people seem to have relationships, end up with children and then just do not want to face up to their responsibilities, it is mad.

This sounds so much like my oldest son's father. I was very young and stupid, and this man just didn't really care. He knocked me up, then tried to convince me to give the child up for adoption. Even when my son was 5 years old (this is when I finally began going after him for child support) he still tried to persuade me to give the child up for adoption! At 5 years old!! OMG Well it was only because he didn't want to go through the court to pay child support. He tried at one point to work something out so we wouldn't have to go through the court. I'm so glad I wasn't that stupid anymore.
Well he gave the judge some sob story about how he just isn't making enough money anymore, yada yada. He does have other kids by other women, by my count he has 10 kids by 7 women, and most of them are scattered all over the country. He lives in Florida and I'm in NY. He has never met my son. He's got 5 kids here in NY, and he's only ever met 2 of them. Needless to say I knew none of this when I hooked up with him. It sickens me now to think of it.

I must say he is half way decent at paying his child support. He falls behind every winter, but makes double payments in the summer to catch up and get ahead a bit. The only problem is I can't count on the child support. I never know when I'm going to get it, and never know how much it will be. Sometimes it's a double payment, sometimes it's a half a payment. Sometimes it will come weekly or bi weekly, and sometimes it won't come at all.

I really wonder how 3 women have been so much to marry your brother im sorry to say this.. every women will think about the future and they should know where would they be while marrying a man.. And now the ex of your brother is really anther stupid go behind him for getting child support as she knows there no way to get from him she has search for another option.. now she had to get to arizona and search and get him prisoned?
What did your hubby tell while heard about that infact he was such nice man that he offered to say yes to you when you asked to help you bro's child..
Anyways i get my temper rised to see such man who cant support their childeren !!!

Yea, we learned this one the hard way too. Family 'borrowing' money, I mean. We no longer give them the money, although we might take care of the situation depending on the circustances. We just found out my mil has been borrowing money to pay her elec bill each month....before any of you say, "aaahhhh too bad", think again. This lady has the common sense of a housefly and still insists on 'putting on airs'. Her pride will not let her be honest with her family even though she is not fooling a single one of us. I will like to see her face when she finally realizes that we have known all along what a faker she is. But I digress, my man took care of the elec bill but he did it dealing directly with the power company and not giving her any money.

We don't dole out the cash anymore as we have been burned, like you were, a few too many times. People like this seem to never learn. Mil is pushin 70!

Don't beat yourself up or feel guilty about his actions. You trusted him enough to do the right thing, it was up to him to do it, his actions should not reflect on you or your character. I am surprised he has a wife and she moved with him. What does she think he will do if they split? I hope she has a plan for herself because he will just run away.

Yikes heatherfeather80, you really have some of the worst luck at times.

Well, here I go, and I will try to *not* write an essay. :D

First of all, you and your DH's heart was in the right place. Kudos for you two. Don't even for a minute regret or think differently. Intent is where it matters in most situation. Plus you learned a lesson: Anything over $50 you pay directly to the source of the debt AND have a quick little document drawn up on your computer, print it out, that is a LOAN paper. :D

Second, we have to love our family. No one said we have to like them, nor have anything to do with them. I myself took years to figure this one out. Often people figure out what jerks they were when they are much much older, and hopefully, you haven't hardened your heart by then. :)

Lastly, you now have a kinda moral issue to face. One I do not at all envy you for. You have to choose between your brother and what is not only "right" but also aids a child: You must decide if you will contact the authorities in both the area the warrent is issued at to notify them of his new address and the DA's office where he is at currently so they may also help with the enforcement. Though this will only speed up the process of your brother's inevitable situation.

My own biological father did kinda the same thing. Except he told his new family that he never had any kids nor was married before. I am pleased to say that my step-father is all the father I will ever need and has been since I was 11 years old.

I really hate to pass judgment on a person that I have never met, with only hearing one side of the argument. However, I am biased in this issue being both a single mother AND as a child my own biological father refused to pay child support. Plus, I don't like to see friends (that would be you silly beans) used and hurting both emotionally and financially. Therefore, I have to say, your brother is exactly as you say, a loser. He loses more than he can possibly fathom. He lost your respect, possibly your friendship, lost his children, etc. What a price to pay for selfishness.....

And I apologize as I wrote an essay. :(

I am sorry to say that, but I hope that they catch him. There was no reason for him to run, you had given him the money to pay off the debt, so it wasn't as though he was having to run away as he didn't have the money and he was going to go to jail for not paying, because if he paid with the money you gave him then he would not go to jail.

Maybe when he next gets in contact, you give him lots of condoms rather than money? Might be of more use and avoid future problems.