|  Over the weekend I had a few drinks with friends. To our surprise, one of my friends did not bring his wife but instead brought his mistress. We know his wife. We often communicate with the wife. Their marraige does not have the appearance of a downward trajectory. He is past forty, the mistress was definitely in her mid-twenties. She was no cheap floozy---she was gainfully employed with a respectable managerial position in a well-known multinational, she dressed well, she talked straight English. She was no shallow airhead and her thought processes seemed rational and grounded, which made me more perplexed---why would such a woman allow herself to be a mistress?
Being a man, I can understand why a man would stray. But a woman's mind has always eluded my understanding. Being a mistress defies logic. She knows that he would never leave his wife. And she is already aware of at least one detrimental character trait---that he is a liar and a cheat. He is not particularly wealthy. The girl is at least on par in terms of earning capacity. He is, however, an acknowledged magnet of gays and babes.
ID Cheaters provides a possible explanation:
She is attracted to him because he's already involved with somebody else. In many cases, the Other Woman wouldn't be turned on by the guy if he wasn't. The fact that he's "taken" is proof of his desirability. The fact that another woman's husband wants her is proof of hers.
Forbidden relationships are filled with desire, suspense, and excitement. Married men are only available occasionally; the guy's wife may be sick of looking at him, but the Other Woman never knows when he can steal away to be with her. She can't wait to see him and makes the most of their time together.
As the night went on, as we downed a few goblets of wine, I had a distrinct impression that she was, in fact, proud to be a mistress. Their arms would lock. Her head would be on his shoulder. She made no effort to hide the fact that she was the "other woman." It was as if her message was: "See this good-looking man? I was able to steal him away from his wife. In this night, he would rather be with me than with her." Maybe that self-validation is the payoff. Sure, money can buy her clothes, shoes, jewelry and whatever other adornments are necessary to make her feel wanted, but that feeling of actually being desired by a man over another woman is, like the credit card advertisement says, priceless.
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